How Did You Change From Vanilla to Being Interested in BDSM?

[Agent Green]

I thought it might be fun to get to hear how others left the wold of vanilla and became interested in BDSM. When did it happen for you?

For me it was High School. I was always attracted to stronger girls and seemed to click with the athletic and assertive types despite being very shy. Even now it is hard to explain this dynamic for me but I have always gravitated towards these people and we just seem to get along. My first BDSM experience was with a girl I dated and was very close to during this time. She was on the softball team and we would hang out and do homework over at her house on weekend afternoons and after her evening practices. Her parents were divorced and she lived with her dad who worked evenings so we had a lot of time to ourself to play around. After a year of just the two of us messing around and learning about the other sex we became a bit more aggressive. I found out that I love the feeling of pain through playing around and she was only too happy to oblige me. We would play little slave games. She would reprimand me based on my assignment grades and force me to learn complicated positions and commands. When she decided I was a bad slave I would be spanked. She was an strong girl and I still remember how the spankings hurt. She would spank me until I was a shaking mess and then cuddle me in her arms. I knew even then how lucky I was to have someone who cared so much about me. College was the end of our relationship but highschool set the tone for my future encounters. We still talk on the phone every now and then, despite living quite far apart these days. We were both young and awkward but our experimentation during this time changed both our lives and continues today although not through one another.

[boundperil]

I have to say that I am a child of the 70's :D I don't think there was a TV show on that didn't have some sexy thing being bound tightly. Between that and the last generation of the detective magazines, it was enough to etch those visions in my brain for a life time. We fast forward to a lovely female in high school who loved to be dominated. It took many years to find and acknowledge my true bondage style love, but I know what it is now.

[DominantJohn]

I was a horny teen and saw some segment on a HBO special about the whole bondage scene. So I got power hungry and started to dominate women over the internet, then phone, then real life. In my journey though I've picked up the finer points of the BDSM lifestyle.

[Dementyia]

I was at a coffee shop going to the weekly poetry night when I befriended some folks who were into the local BDSM scene. We chatted for a while, they gave me a little questionnaire their group had worked up, and after filling it out, I realized that I had a bit of kink to me. One day i visited my friends' dungeon and played wit their toys, and that was that.

[Merlin]

Hmm i cant really tell when it changed as i would say i never did... I was interested in dominating as far as i can think back. I always loved to tickle other people for example and also liked to play games that involve binding others. Even at very young age. So i think this was always a part of me. This also makes it hard for me to determine a point where i realized it, as even with maybe 10 or 11 binding a girl had an erotic effect on me (as i said i started to include it into games even a lot earlier)...

[Strawberry]

I've always been me... But I figured out what I was at age 16... And only truly accepted it at age 17. I'm 19 now.

[Master_ofpain]

when i was 10 lol.. but i didnt do anything about it until i got the internet at 17

[Fiendish]

I was on the bus when I was 13... one of the girls was wearing a collar, and I was curious. She explained a bit, I used the Internet to learn the rest and start down my dark path...

[Chloe]

Like Merlin & Strawberry I don?t think I?ve ever really ?changed?. I am pretty sure it was always a part of me & that I simply progressed into it. I was about 8 y-old when I started masturbating & even then I had fantasies of being tied or ?forced?. Obviously I had no clue what it was then & thought I was probably the only person in the world to have such crazy ideas :D I also remember as a kid I realized that I needed to be in a organized & controlled environment to really be functional & confident in my abilities. I even was the one asking my parents to set me some rules so I would perform better at home & school as it seemed even then that having to do something gave me more motivation & satisfaction when I was doing well.

As a teen & adult I had a few partners with whom I did experiment a bit with things such as bondage & spankings but nothing more than mild & occasional stuff in RL. And it?s at that time that I saw that I needed more than that & really wanted it to be as a permanent part in my life. Last year I started to browse & seek the net for some sites where I could find other people with the same interests as me & right now I am into an online D/s relationship.

So that pretty much answer how I evolved into who I am today :)

[kshl]

I must have always had it in me. But viewing the movie Histoire d'O triggered the whole lot. Since then, I've been living dominance and submission in several relationships.

[odineu]

As I said before I am still a long way off from swimming these oceans lol but I do remember something from my childhood that I forgot about for some reason until I read naughty_chloe's post.

I don't know where it came from but I remember watching Street Fighter the animated movie :D. There was a part where Bison took Ken and basically stripped him naked, strapped him down to a chair and electrocuted him to wipe his memory or something.
I remember to this day that I found that... highly erotic even as a kid. Before and especially After that I had fantasies while masturbating about being a soldier or something like that and being stripped naked, strapped down and kind of have experiments done on me that would give me more strength or something.
These days I look at the subject and the word, "Slave" makes my heart kind of beat a bit faster...
I think it will become a way to just... let go, to give all my "Dominance" up, to just kind of being an ultimate surrender for me. I feel like it will be beyond sexual to me... I can't really fully explain it. It's sexual but at the same time not.

So now that I am connecting the dots, :)

But I somehow forgot about that part of my younger years until now lol, crazy. :D

[Joker]

Ever since I can remember bondage and dominating (example: a woman being tied up & tickled) has always been a turn on for me. And over the past year or so I have been looking into the BDSM lifestyle ALOT more since I few of my close friends thought it would be a great fit for me. So needless to say the lifestyle has peeked my interest and I am looking to learn more about it, it also helps that my last GF liked to be dominated every now and then :D

[aika]

I couldn't set a date, but over time and thanks to finding out more on the internet I could just add more and more things to my kinks list.

[sum1]

To be honest i dislike the term vanilla. I have a tendency to believe that everyone is either a bit for want of a better term non-vanilla, in the same way that sexuality theorists pose that everyone is in part bi-sexual.

Again for me however, when i realised is a hard question to answer. Was it the Dr's and nursesesque games i played at a very young age, or the strange thoughts i used to have about tying girls up and having control (thoughts that i thought were bad and wrong and tried to suppress at the time) Or was it somehow something deep in my nurturing, surely finding all those bdsm erotic novels of my father's around can't have helped.

[Merlin]

[...](thoughts that i thought were bad and wrong and tried to suppress at the time)[...]What brought you to feel like that? I never had the feeling that it is wrong. Although i knew very early that not all think like that, but never thought that it was something i should suppress. But maybe also my parents were just very liberal as i was raised with the idea that everyone can do what he wants as long as it is not harming someone else...

[sum1]

Not sure really, certianly wasn't from my parents. Think may well have been early media and societal influences manefesting themselves. It could also be me mis-representing my feelings of the time, maybe more, not sure how to describe it really.

[tempered_sugar]

surely finding all those bdsm erotic novels of my father's around can't have helped.


Omg if I ever meet him I won't be able to keep a straight face! Atleast I could ask to borrow some duck tape if we ran out :p

Hummm I don't think anyone "turns", anyway I can remember when I was 8 playing schools with my friend and I was the naughty school girl she was the teacher. I can remeber her hitting me over the ass with a garden cane and kind of enjoying it and her doing it really hard but not telling her to stop. When we swapped over I didn't enjoy it very much.

This is something I obviously thought nothing of at the time but I guess my likeing for pain is pretty deep routed and no I wasnt spanked or hit as a child so maybe I am an odd case :)

[aika]

duck tape

In case that wasn't a spelling error, to avoid an embarassing moment in the future, it's duct tape.

[Chloe]

What brought you to feel like that?

Like sum1, I also felt it was wrong or at least very strange when I was younger. I really could not understand what it was exactly that attracted me to this & only when I started experimenting that I was able to really feel comfortable with it & started to understand why it was so appealing to me. I think I felt this way back then because mostly of the fact that at a young age we are being told that hurting or abusing someone is wrong. And as a child I had no idea that some things like spanking or tying up someone could be right if wanted & consensual. So I knew that some actions were wrong if a person didn't want those acts to be done on them & I was wondering why I found this appealing then. I don't think I ever tried to suppess these thoughts though but just them very very weird.

Also I can't remember one single thing be it some event from my childhood, games with other kids, or even movie or book that triggered it. So maybe that's also why I had so many questions unanswered about my own feelings about it back then.

[sum1]

In case that wasn't a spelling error, to avoid an embarassing moment in the future, it's duct tape.

Actually it's an alternate name http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duct_tape#Etymology

Also it's a trade name for a certain type of the aforementioned tape http://www.duckproducts.com/

However the point is moot, as I'd never gaffer on her, far too sticky, my preference would be much more towards electrical tape (p.v.c tape, lx tape, call it what you will)

I think I felt this way back then because mostly of the fact that at a young age we are being told that hurting or abusing someone is wrong. And as a child I had no idea that some things like spanking or tying up someone could be right if wanted & consensual. So I knew that some actions were wrong if a person didn't want those acts to be done on them & I was wondering why I found this appealing then. I don't think I ever tried to suppress these thoughts though but just them very very weird.

Really good post as ever chloe. Though i would say that it's not just as children that people are told these things, i think as adults we are told them a lot as well. The only difference is that those who've chosen to act upon those thoughts are either in a more tolerating society, or are more rebellious to the dominant ideology of said society.

I think the word suppress was wrong, too strong. I meant more that i didn't like having them. The thing for me i think was again with the consensuality thing that you picked up upon. Imagine that confusion you had about wanting to be tied up and given pain and now flip that and imagine you're the one who wants to be giving it, when there's all those stories about rape on the news.

hope this all makes sense not sober (though some of my best posts at the other place have been when I've been in this state)

[stephpoet]

I always had these dark fantasies, and finally moved to a city far away from people I knew. And looked up that city and BDSM and went to a Munch, and the rest is history. What's funny is I actually met my Master outside the BDSM world.

[Sorrow Becomes Her]

hmm I can't quite remember... I think it was when I was 16, and my first sex partner wanted to try the doggie style with me. I had always thought it was a very degrading position, to be lower and at the mercy of the one pumping from behind... But.. I eventually loved it as he had the freedom to spank me, play with my ass, teasing me... ;)

Oh... no... that's right. I remember now (although the above scenerio still helped fuel it further)

I had been talking with a guy online for quite sometime. He through our emails had taught me much of the foundations for being a sub. (I was really about 2 or so years younger than what I had told him.) But he noticed the submissiveness in me, I suppose. Or else it was his dominating side that fueled it, but I eventually came to call him Master, thinking to myself that it was him being silly in his way. But the name stuck, and I enjoyed calling him that. Each time we spoke, he was chisling away, fashioning me to be a better submissive girl. He said, "There's nothing wrong with being submissive. the female is naturally submissive anyways, having to allow a man to push into her." He once described to me the manner in which he would have me, if ever we would meet. I'd wear only a collar fashioned in whatever style he chose, I would fix him dinner (he was such a health nut, although I never dared call him that to his face. hehe) a lean meat chicken dinner with steamed veggies and a wine to match. I would need to learn my place at his feet. I would eat from a silver bowl on the floor next to him so he could intertwine his fingers in my hair whenever he so chose... then after dinner he would take me into either his room or the living room...

but the rest of that pleasant fiction is mine to remember, asnd yours to guess. :D The way he said it, and what he mentioned in the emails to follow.. Gods, it was amazing. I wish now I had met him... but, we'd lost contact long long ago.

[Cinnamon]

I haven't actually tried it yet, so I'm not sure I will like it... but the few talks I've had with a friends Master left me very turned on, and incredibly curious to learn more and try it out.

So.. I guess my turning point is now.

[slave_fantasy]

i was a slave since i was about 10, for my big brother who was 15; but i did not knew anything about this lifestyle, i just learned that if i don't do something he saids or if i upset him he will punish me. I've had some vanilla relationships until i met my Master when i was 16 and he was 22, i was running from home and was using drogs so he just showed me what bdsm lifestyle means and i decided to enter this world thinking i could "save" myself. I do have some days when i regret i did that and when i think my life could have been different 9and maybe better) but in the end i realize that this is who i am and i don't think i will manage on my own without discipline from a Master.

[yumnym]

Lol amazing discussion in amazing place can i join in this discussion i am new here :) just joined 2day

[SkateBaker86]

I'd always been way interested in the whole domination and submissive tendencies from being tickled / roughed up whenever wrestling or rabble rousing.

The bondage...authority and sort of idea of something for more consideration of exploring it started in 10th grade (16 years old) after friend and I got arrested (nothing serious, school bs) and I was handcuffed and then sitting in the car totally panicking and trying to mess with the cuffs and wondering how long everything was going to happen...if I'd be kept in jail, and I got a bit excited and we had cable internet installed around the same time...

[Master_Emanon]

I don’t think I was ever “vanilla” I was always very dominate even when I was a young child 7 or 8 I was a very dominate and was not really the, “follow rules” and do everything you told type of kid. As time went by I guess I saw a few bondage photos online but that wasn’t much.

As a sex addict I had a high sex drive even at a young age and began masturbating around eight or nine, but my mind was more sadistic and I would masturbate to the idea of binding, gagging, and degrading woman, and having complete dominance over them, it was just what I was use to, I had no idea when I was eight or nine what BDSM was, my parents led a pretty much vanilla lifestyle…

When I left home at ten years old is when I got my first look at the lifestyle, I had a friend who was sixteen she was submissive, and when hanging out with her I saw the way she would act around her Master and I knew it was what I got off to… so I began speaking with her Master about such and he gave me some BDSM books to read when hearing of my interest … after a year of so of just reading and observing he began allowing me to help him in scenes and also introduced me to friends and they to taught me a ton of kinks and made me more experienced over the next few years, of doing that.

When I was thirteen and fourteen I use to do sessions with kids my age who either did not know of the lifestyle or who was very interested in the books I was reading, at fifteen I got my first slave [who is still very loyal and obedient to me]… at seventeen I got a second slave who is also loyal and obedient to me…

No since in spewing my life on here, there is my introduction to the lifestyle, so was not a “change” from vanilla to BDSM more so experiencing what I had been thinking about in my mind for years…