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Posted 06-07-2015 at 05:22 PM by droptokon

Humiliation, its a tricky one and I have found subject to vastly different interpretations. Over the years I have encountered it a lot, seen and heard it discussed but never found any sort of consensus that properly describes its use within the context of BDSM. What different people find humiliating or not often surprises me simply because it often can't be predicted from their other behaviour.

Perhaps a few examples would help to illustrate my point; take Jan a late 30's married housewife that I played with many years ago. Her thing was breast bondage, she loved having her tits tied in all sorts of ways but was not interested in any other aspects at all or so I thought at first. After a half dozen meets where I simply spent an hour or so tying her tits in a variety of ways I asked her if there was anything else she would like to try, for instance would she like to masturbate and bring herself off while she was tied? We had established at the outset that sex was out as was me playing with her cunt in any way, she somehow used this to justify to herself that she wasn't being unfaithful to her husband that way. She responded with horror, not because it violated her rules but simply that there was no way she would ever let any one watch her masturbate. She had always been evasive about the subject as I had been curious from the beginning as to if she went home and got herself off afterwards. But then it got more intriguing, she very timidly told me that one thing she would really like to do was to wank my cock and watch me cum as it was something she had never done and always wanted to. I agreed on the condition that she did it while kneeling in front of me and while her tits were still tied. She agreed readily and got to work, she had no idea what she was doing and it took a lot of guidance to get her using the right grip etc. When I came she was staring mesmerised at the tip and caught my load full on the forehead with quite a lot ending up in her hair. Afterwards she composed herself and got dressed without once touching my cum which by now had dripped down her nose. After she was gone I was left wondering, "what the?"... From then on it became a ritual almost and continued like that, tit bondage and handjob until I left to go overseas for work several months later.

And overseas in the US was in fact where I encountered the next piece of this puzzle. I was working in San Jose and had hooked up with a mid 20's girl heavily into the scene in SF. She was into just about anything, strict bondage, spanking, clamps, etc and in contrast to Jan I had to physically restrain her from masturbating most of the time! Also in contrast to Jan she hated cum on her face but more especially in her hair. One time during a session where she was tightly bound she had been sucking me off and I had decided to take the opportunity to paint her face, as soon as she realised what I was about to do she yelled out and dodged her head to the side as much as her binding would allow so my load ended up in her hair. To say she was upset is an understatement, she almost cried afterwards and told me how much she hated it saying specifically that she found it disgusting and humiliating.

Never assume. I had made the assumption based on the rest of her behaviour and just gone ahead without asking her. That was a mistake I have learned from and from reading many, many comments on sites like this I see a lot of "doms" could learn from also. I think the most common area of error is in using degrading names, slut, cunt, whore and all the many varied combinations. I have met a lot of subs who like this and others who hated it. Some who like it in the context of a play session but not at other times. Then there are those who like some "insults" and not others, I find it always best to find out before using them at all.

To be continued...
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