Need guidance on something.

Calexas90

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
Nov 8, 2017
2
0
0
Hello. So I’m asking for guidance because I’ve been in 1 BDSM type of relationship but my dom never really finished training me per say and he moved to Maryland. I’ve dabbled in the lifestyle every so often but it’s been hard finding a truly dominant partner.
On the flip side of things I now have a very dominant boyfriend who wants to really be my dom now that he knows I’ve dabbled in the lifestyle before. I’m a bit hesitant at times and I tell him no. He claims he wants to break me and reteach me his way. I can be very submissive when I want to and I’m very playful. However, he wants full submission.
I guess my question is how do I do this. I understand that communication is key and trust has to be there. I just don’t know how to give him what he wants. I’m so used to being in charge at work and in normal life and the bedroom is the only place I ever submit. What can I do to help me give him what he wants?
 

UnBr0k3nH3r0

Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Jan 14, 2010
38
139
33
He needs to educate himself. There is no dabbling in the lifestyle. He needs to understand what it means to be a dominant and the responsibilities that come with it. Too often people think their naturally dominant but have no clue what it takes to actually control someone. Especially if your ultimate goal is Total power exchange. My recommendation is getting screw the roses give me the thorns good book to start with. Don’t let yourself fall victim to someone who has no clue.
 

Arrayn

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Aug 17, 2014
17
1
1
Communication is key. Ask him what he wants. Ask for details or examples. Make sure that you're both on the same page and that you understand each others' limits and safewords. If you feel kind of awkward talking about it, then it's even more important.
If you aren't sure what he's into, there are resources like mojoupgrade to make it easy to compare kinks. Or you can just go through a kink list together and figure out what you're both into.

At the heart of it, you both want to enjoy yourselves and each other. Learning how to submit to a particular person takes time and effort. Don't worry about whether you're doing it perfectly, just focus on whether or not you two enjoy each other in a safe, sane, and consensual way.
 

Mistress Brianna

Kinky Newbie
  • Bisexual
  • Female
  • Dominant
Sep 5, 2017
2
1
3
You two need to both talk about it together. just because he wants to be your dom does not mean he can tell you to do anything he wants. it's still a relationship, he still needs to respect you. let him know what you like. what you don't, if he doesn't already. he should not be in the mind set that he can do anything he wants because you are submissive. After you both tall about it, just let it flow naturally. okay games, tease gim. let him know when you want it... without just outright asking... maybe something like I've been bad today... but every single relationship is different, bdsm or not. you two just need to learn each other and have SAFE fun. long as you both have fun and enjoy it you're doing it right.
 

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