New Dom trying his best to learn

PhoenixAscended

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Jan 5, 2017
1
0
0
I; recently, as in yesterday discovered my deep need for TPE in a relationship arising from my desire to cultivate a more loving relationship with the object of my affection. There is a conflict within my core with this notion however as it relates S&M. The information I have read thus far has lead me to believe that S&M is an important part of a B/s relationship. I however; do not enjoy S&M.

(Please understand I do not wish to offend anyone with the following statements. This comes from my core and is my truth for me alone.)

I feel that it is beneath me to take such a course of action. I believe I am strong enough to rise above the need to inflict physical pain as a form of punishment. My question is: Is it possible to be Dom without the use of physical?

I also had an experience with posting an ad seeking a sub which would be patient and understanding with me while I am undertaking this journey of self discovery, I have been met with an inbox full of messages asking me to meet within the first message without even sending any basic details such as, what they are in, what experience they have in D/s relationships, they don't even list any desires, When I press them for desires they give me vague answers, even going so far as to ask them what it is that they need to feel, they do not respond.

Is this normal behavior for sub? Should I just meet with them and discuss these things? (I am not fond of this idea) Should I ignore them and keep searching?

Thank you for your guidance.
 
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NotYourGirlfriend

Kink Talk Member
  • Lesbian
  • Female
  • Private
Jul 24, 2016
30
1
0
You should probably be wary of subs who want to meet right away without volunteering any info about themselves.
And there are some subs who do not enjoy pain. (I'm a maso, so I'm definitely not one of them, but they do exist)
 

NotYourGirlfriend

Kink Talk Member
  • Lesbian
  • Female
  • Private
Jul 24, 2016
30
1
0
And, being in a TPE relationship myself, I can say that jut because you CAN do something doesn't mean you need to exercise that right.
For example: my Master *could* make me ask permission to use the bathroom. However, that's not his kink so he doesn't require it.
He *could* give me a meal plan or give food restrictions, but that's not his kink and neither does he find it a necessity so he doesn't do it.
And, lucky me, those are also not my kinks, so while I would, of course, obey him, I don't have to worry about it.
Of course, I wouldn't have entered into a TPE relationship if I thought we were incompatible. And while it was made clear that he *could* do all these things, and he sometimes teases me about doing undesirable things just because he can, he hasn't.
Part of the TPE appeal is the potential of what he could control, not just what he chooses to control.
 

AuthorCrow

Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Nov 4, 2016
37
1
8
Agreed with everything NotYourGirlfriend said so far,

But now to add and direct it more towards Sadism/Masochism, if you're not sadistic, you just simply don't do it. If a submissive/slave is a masochist, she/he most likely will not contact you, regardless of other common likes and what not (that's if the person is even serious, if they see your limit/dislike is pain overall and pain being their like, they'll skip you).

As for the following, which has been mentioned in countless forum posts all over the internet when it came to the question on how to even go at it, being a dom or being a sub, you do what you like and you find a person that just "clicks" with you and has common likes. I think that'd be the best advice that can be given? (Other members are free to correct me on this if I'm wrong) Sure with some methods there can be some general tips and whatnot, but as entire thing of being dom/sub, not really. So just try and be yourself, explore and head towards things that interest you and try to find a person that has same/similar interests as you do, so you two can both explore them together.

And well, the search for that right person takes a long while, so best of luck searching non the less and hope you can find that one submissive that will help you explore your dom side.
 
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CuriouslyInterested

Verified Dragon
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
Staff member
Jan 12, 2015
464
46
28
Midwest
In regards punishment...it doesn't need be painful. In fact, though I am a masochist, I feel pain is a poor punishment. If you want to correct the behavior, relate the punishment to the infraction. Pain as a punishment is normally just a consequence, it does little to correct things.

Writing lines, mouth soaping, writing essays and apology letters, corner time, loss of privileges, denial and or edges, enforcing some other sort control temporarily (bathroom, clothing, eye contact, speaking freely, etc). Try to be creative, what is going to make your submissive think about what they did to deserve the punishment? For some submissives lectures or just hearing their dominant is disappointed in them is quite a bit of punishment in itself and causes a lot of guilt. I hate having dirty hands and things under my nails and was made play in the mud and make mud pies for a length of time.

Punishment can and should be so much more than just pain.

I'd say that is very abnormal behavior for a submissive to want to jump right in without giving any information. You should always take the time to get to know once another and build trust, both parties, before playing and definitely before committing.
 

angelatheexposer

Suspected catfish
  • Bisexual
  • Female
  • Dominant
Aug 6, 2017
46
46
18
There's 'pain' and there's 'erotic pain'.

When I'm spanking a female sub, make sure you mix in enough dominant talking and playing with her pussy in all the spanking.

For example, lecture her why she's over your knee, spank a little bit, play with her, spank, play, spank, get her close to the edge and then spank a little more, then make her beg for her to touch her, do it a little more, then spank.

Tell her she can't cum for another 50 spanks, then draw them out. lecture her again, make her beg for you to spank her... make her agree to do naughty things for you to spank her

you get the idea ;)

It's not pain but it enhances ALL OF IT!!!
 

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