The Doctor is IN

sarahamber

Senior Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
Mar 30, 2011
170
0
0
I can be a relationship doctor. so if you have any questions, post them here and i'll try to get back as soon as I can! The Doctor is now.....IN! :)
 

busty

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Switch
Apr 9, 2011
22
0
0
I am trying to find the best way to start being a sub (as described in your what is question) to my partner she has agreed when we talk about it but as yet not acted on it. What suggestions do you have to kick start this??
 

Enthusiastic!

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Switch
May 12, 2009
5
0
0
Texas
Kinky relationships seem to have a lot of ups and downs. There are periods where she will grab control for weeks and become a demanding bitch of ruthless pain and fear. Things will suddenly then go back to normal for a few weeks and our dynamic will be similar to before we became kinky. A few weeks after, the cycle will repeat again.

Is this sort of pattern normal? Is there a better way to balance things?
 

sarahamber

Senior Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
Mar 30, 2011
170
0
0
That's a tough one, because girls in general like to be controlled. But keep in mind every girl has a dominant side. you need to find that and get her to embrace it. so that slowly and shirly, THAT is what will turn her on the most (dominating you)

My suggestion to start, is find something you guys can bet on easily. Let's say you're lying in bed (a guy did this to me once) and you're watching tv. (we were watching who's line is it anyways) Let's say she guess a line, and you KNOW it's right. bet her that she's wrong...and her competitive side will take over. The stakes you ask? well if you win (and she is wrong) then you get to please her where ever you want, and if she wins you have to lick her...wherever! she wants.

So you start off slowly like that.

Afterwards, and for the first little while, I wouldnt say to her "i want to be a sub" but almost let her win it..and each time make the stakes a little worse.

REMEMBER: DONT push too far too fast! that is the worst you can do. it could take months to get all the way you want. but it's the competitive side of her you need to pull out, and eventually she'll just enjoy winning over you!

REMEMBER 2: you can't ALWAYS lose. sometimes you're going to have to win, and actually get to dominate her....this just shows her your trying and that it really IS a competition.

AND THAT'S HOW SARAH SEE'S IT! (ahahah stole that one from Glee)

DOCTOR OUT! ;)


I am trying to find the best way to start being a sub (as described in your what is question) to my partner she has agreed when we talk about it but as yet not acted on it. What suggestions do you have to kick start this??
 

sarahamber

Senior Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
Mar 30, 2011
170
0
0
That's just a woman's natural cycle. Check to see if her mood swings are matching up with her period....does she calm down after her period hits?

Lol girls lives revolve imensly around our cycle.

Let me know,
DOCTOR OUT :D!


Kinky relationships seem to have a lot of ups and downs. There are periods where she will grab control for weeks and become a demanding bitch of ruthless pain and fear. Things will suddenly then go back to normal for a few weeks and our dynamic will be similar to before we became kinky. A few weeks after, the cycle will repeat again.

Is this sort of pattern normal? Is there a better way to balance things?
 

kurious

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Switch
Dec 12, 2010
25
0
1
So...

The last day of classes was a last friday, so of course there was the usual party shenanigans going on.. That night myself and a bunch of friends went bar hopping for a while. Now, One of the girls with us was extremely good looking, and quite a flirt. For the most part I tend to ignore that type of person if I am looking to hook up, but it raised a question in my mind that I feel you may be able to help answer, at least in part. How can you tell if a girl is being flirtatious solely to be a tease, or if she is actually interested? I can make educated guesses, but is there a definite way to tell?
 

sarahamber

Senior Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
Mar 30, 2011
170
0
0
RULE 74: If a girl is flirting she wants to hook up! Lol sometime's she just needs a little encouragement.... 99% of the time if a girl is hitting on you, or flirting, or even staring at you from across the room, she wants you...or atleast wants to talk to you. Make your move, BE CONFIDENT, and show her that you mean business. The best way to win us is to show us you're in charge. DONT BE COCKY HOWEVER. just confident, and quirky! Of course sometimes a girl just wants "the idea" of fooling around, and may have no interest in you in particular...but work it properly, and that idea COULD be you! So if she's flirting, she's hurting....for you!

And THAT's my daily dose! DOCTOR OUT.


So...

The last day of classes was a last friday, so of course there was the usual party shenanigans going on.. That night myself and a bunch of friends went bar hopping for a while. Now, One of the girls with us was extremely good looking, and quite a flirt. For the most part I tend to ignore that type of person if I am looking to hook up, but it raised a question in my mind that I feel you may be able to help answer, at least in part. How can you tell if a girl is being flirtatious solely to be a tease, or if she is actually interested? I can make educated guesses, but is there a definite way to tell?
 

kurious

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Switch
Dec 12, 2010
25
0
1
Excuse me if I am wrong, but you say that like you have good experience.. which leads me to my next question - Is there an un-awkward way of excusing yourself and leaving, the morning after a hookup?
 

sarahamber

Senior Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
Mar 30, 2011
170
0
0
Absolutely...NOT! How do you have sex with someone and walk away, so yaa i'll never see you again. but thanks for the drunken slobber that i don't really remember but i'll tell my friends you were way hotter then you actually were so they wont think of me as a slut.

ahahah (That one wasnt from MY experience)! But girls get attatched to guys when they have sex! For us its almost ALWAYS emotional on some level.

The truth is though, if she's come home with you or you to her place for a one night stand, or on the first night you meet her, then she's expecting an awkward morning. That's just the nature of the game. Just don't be creepy and sneak out while we're sleeping! Only we can do that and get a way with it.

If you want to see her again, then you better make sure you talk to her again the next morning. And if you DO want to see her again, not only talk to her, but try to smooth out some of that awkwardness...remember humor can get you a long way! Every girl loves to laugh.

And that's my daily dose! Doctor OUT


Excuse me if I am wrong, but you say that like you have good experience.. which leads me to my next question - Is there an un-awkward way of excusing yourself and leaving, the morning after a hookup?
 

sarahamber

Senior Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
Mar 30, 2011
170
0
0
The Dr. is back in. If anyone has any relationship or life questions, or just some questions about girls, ask away!
 

CumSissy

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Switch
Mar 17, 2012
13
0
1
if you go on a first date with a girl to the movies and she doesnt give you a kiss goodnight what does it mean?
 

fitsexyguy

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Switch
Oct 31, 2011
16
0
1
Australia
www.getdare.com
It may be silly but oh well.

I often struggle to strike up a conversation with random people/girls, it get's asked and you read about it a lot but it always seems to be very generic and stupid.

Where is the best place to meet women? Lots of times you get coffee shops, supermarkets, libraries etc, but where are women most in the frame of mind to meet new people or where do they go if they want to meet people?

Women rarely initiate a conversation but what is the best way to start a conversation that isn't going to be completely creepy? I generally don't talk to randoms unless I feel I have a reason for it, like if they left their wallet on the counter I'd tell them but if it was just to say hi, I'd feel silly. So what is the best way to go about that.
 

sarahamber

Senior Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
Mar 30, 2011
170
0
0
if you go on a first date with a girl to the movies and she doesnt give you a kiss goodnight what does it mean?

Just because you don't get a good night kiss, doesn't neccesarily mean the girl's not that into you. Sometimes on a first date a girl may not want to kiss a guy right away. This could be because she's prude, conservative, or just not in the mood that night. Unfortunately (atleast for girls between the ages of 18-30) the more realistic scenario is that she's just not really into you! Girls if interested will often give some soft of jesture, if not a kiss that they are interested in more with you. A sure sign that she is not interested if she books it inside at the end of the night.

However this is not the end of the world either. Just because a girl isn't into you at the moment doesnt mean she never will be. Confidence and charm can get a guy a long way, evern after being shut down.

And that's the dailey dose.
 

sarahamber

Senior Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
Mar 30, 2011
170
0
0
It may be silly but oh well.

I often struggle to strike up a conversation with random people/girls, it get's asked and you read about it a lot but it always seems to be very generic and stupid.

Where is the best place to meet women? Lots of times you get coffee shops, supermarkets, libraries etc, but where are women most in the frame of mind to meet new people or where do they go if they want to meet people?

Women rarely initiate a conversation but what is the best way to start a conversation that isn't going to be completely creepy? I generally don't talk to randoms unless I feel I have a reason for it, like if they left their wallet on the counter I'd tell them but if it was just to say hi, I'd feel silly. So what is the best way to go about that.

These are some great questions, and I'm glad they're being asked! Wanting, and having a desire to meet woman and approach them, is the first step to actually doing so.

The number one place to meet women (with proven statistics), for both friendly endeavours and relationships, is THROUGH FRIENDS! Unfortunately, not everyone is hooked into the same circles as other people, and for some meeting through friends is more difficult. At friends parties, dinner events, casual drinks, sporting events (with a group of friends, or superbowl parties). Any time there is a gathering of people and you are connected by one or two degrees.

With that said, most woman don't go out to "meet guys" unless they're clock begins to tick down. It seems ironic though, that you tend to meet the special someone, the second you stop looking! A good mind set however when woman are open, like I said, number one is a get together, where people or either one or two degrees separated. The second best place (and I understand the environment isn't for everyone) is of course your local watering hole! When a girl claims she was at a bar JUST to dance, she's lying! There is always a little part of her that wanted to meet people.

And of course, the ultimate question, how DO you talk to and get a lady. That I can tell you in three words; CONFIDENCE, CONFIDENCE, CONFIDENCE! Whether at a party or at a club, being able to go up and strike a conversation is all you need! Honestly it doesn't really matter what you talk about, what woman are looking for is someone having the confidence to go up to them and not muble, and not be nervous (even though you might be terrified inside) and to be able to be open and honest. And above all someone that will make them laugh, but like I said, if you are confident and speak to a girl you just met, like she's been one of the guys for years, that truly is the best way in!

Don't be shy, if she's sitting at the bar or hanging around, just be honest. Tell her that you think she looks stunning tonight, and you'de really love to buy her a drink. If you're out with friends, or at a party, don't be shy to just litterally sit down and introduce yourself, straight up.

Helpful tip: If you're nervouse, just keep trying to ask questions and get her to talk. For one you wont have to really think of conversation, just keep building on what she's talking about, and two, you'll seem like a great listener. Dont forget to talk a little about your self though. You don't want to be a complete mystery.

So if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, confidence is the key to any successful relationship (business, or personal)! Just remember to keep cool and be honest, and let flow do the rest.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT, and that's the daily dose!
 

CumSissy

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Switch
Mar 17, 2012
13
0
1
Just because you don't get a good night kiss, doesn't neccesarily mean the girl's not that into you. Sometimes on a first date a girl may not want to kiss a guy right away. This could be because she's prude, conservative, or just not in the mood that night. Unfortunately (atleast for girls between the ages of 18-30) the more realistic scenario is that she's just not really into you! Girls if interested will often give some soft of jesture, if not a kiss that they are interested in more with you. A sure sign that she is not interested if she books it inside at the end of the night.

However this is not the end of the world either. Just because a girl isn't into you at the moment doesnt mean she never will be. Confidence and charm can get a guy a long way, evern after being shut down.

And that's the dailey dose.

thanks, she went to hawaiii for a wek and i havent been about to talk to her, i'll see if she wants to go out again when she gets back
 

anonimousbob

Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Submissive
Jan 10, 2008
83
2
6
Canada
You gave some good advise on the "how to find/meet someone special" topic, so hopefully you'll be able to help here.

What would you recommend with regards to asking out someone who is currently a friend. It's the typical chick-flick scenario of not wanting to ruin a friendship or make it awkward. She's not one of my closest friends, but still close enough to not want to lose it.
 

jennr

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Private
Apr 10, 2012
4
0
0
Don't be shy, if she's sitting at the bar or hanging around, just be honest. Tell her that you think she looks stunning tonight, and you'de really love to buy her a drink. If you're out with friends, or at a party, don't be shy to just litterally sit down and introduce yourself, straight up.

Totally agree that confidence and honesty goes a lot further with me than some cheesy pick up lines. I think its a reflection of a guy's confidence for them to just walk up and be that direct. Plus, I love getting complements with good eye contact.
 

anonimousbob

Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Submissive
Jan 10, 2008
83
2
6
Canada
Totally agree that confidence and honesty goes a lot further with me than some cheesy pick up lines. I think its a reflection of a guy's confidence for them to just walk up and be that direct. Plus, I love getting complements with good eye contact.

Plus I have to say from experience, that even a lack of confidence can be fine as long as you're honest. I've asked a girl out when totally terrified, but she saw that was the case and felt more flattered that I spoke to her when overcoming the nerves
 

sarahamber

Senior Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
Mar 30, 2011
170
0
0
Plus I have to say from experience, that even a lack of confidence can be fine as long as you're honest. I've asked a girl out when totally terrified, but she saw that was the case and felt more flattered that I spoke to her when overcoming the nerves

But even though you were terrified, you showed confidence when approaching her. And that's what counts at the end of the day! I hope you two had fun together :)

You gave some good advise on the "how to find/meet someone special" topic, so hopefully you'll be able to help here.

What would you recommend with regards to asking out someone who is currently a friend. It's the typical chick-flick scenario of not wanting to ruin a friendship or make it awkward. She's not one of my closest friends, but still close enough to not want to lose it.

Well first thing's first, SEX WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING! PERIOD. The second you decide to take things further, your relationship will begin to change for better or for worse. So you need to decide before hand if it's something you want to pursue. However just because you make your situation sexual doesn't mean it will neccessarly get worse.

NOTE: your relationship will most likely end if you two fool around and then something causes a break between you two (ie. another girl), or more likely she wants something from your relationship that you dont want to give, and if that's the case the sex will ruin your friendship

The best way to change a relationship dynamic is to start being flirtatious. When you go from a chummy friendship to a flirtatious friendship, you begin to introduce sexual tenssion into the mix. From there my suggestion is ALCOHOL! You can really take flirting to a whole new level, and even suggestive when alcohol is in the mix.

The trick however is the big transition between flirting and either dating or fooling. Once your already flirtatious, and the sexual tension is there (she'll know that it's not a buddy buddy relationship by this) next step is ask her out for drinks, or invite her out with a group of your friends who she doesnt know, or even grab a bite to eat one night. The whole point is to get her isolated on a "out night" without any of your mutual friends present. From there the rest is history. Use your charm, and suggestive jokes, and at the end of the night, invite her up to your place just to hang out or grab an extra drink. If she says yes you're clear sailing, if she says shes tired, then make sure that she knows, this isnt a one night thing, and that you're going to be taking her out for another fun night in the near future.

CAUTIONARY TIP: There is a chance however that the girl just isnt that into you, and she only likes you as a friend and has no feeling towards you that way. If this is the case, you will know right away. If you try to be flirtatious at the beginning and she clearly doesnt want that kind of relationship, or hangs out with you less because the sexual tension you're trying to build, that's your cue! However, CONFIDENCE is the key here, and you almost have to lead her feelings. ie. Make the sexual tension, and change the dynamic of your relationship.

And that's the daily dose.
 

fitsexyguy

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Switch
Oct 31, 2011
16
0
1
Australia
www.getdare.com
You gave a great response last time, thanks, I have more questions to continue on from last time :)

I don't have an issue talking to women, it's only approaching them if I don't know them pretty much. Sometimes I will smile at girls and all they never smile back, always look sour, that doesn't help. If you make eye contact, they just look away and don't care. It really doesn't instil confidence or any reason for me to care. What purpose does that serve? Because honestly, it's quite stupid but I would go so far as to say it's a turn off because it honestly gives me the impression they are kind of bitchy. </Crazy Rant>

You suggest that the best way to meet them is through friends which is a brilliant response, I do find that near impossible though. What suggestions would you have if I was to try and go about it by myself? Where are the best places for a guy to go without relying on others?

It's quite stupid but it's very obvious that women have that attitude.

I don't really like bars and clubs and in my opinion, there are good looking girls in bars and clubs but I don't feel that most of them are what I am looking for/I don't feel it's the best environment to meet someone, not for me anyway so basically, it's the same as the question I asked in orange, where else can I go?
 

Featured Threads

New Personals