Discipline

sagittaire

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Feb 4, 2009
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Hello, I'm new at this whole BDSM scenario, I guess you could say I'm a vanilla wanting to get deeper into the subject...

so, here goes my question.

I was reading a page mentioned here as a resource and i don't quite get why would someone want a disciplinarian. I don't mean to be disrespectful to one's tastes but I read that you could inflict or make the submissive do things they don't like, and if the submissive don't like, what's the point of having that as sex play? Is that supposed to be fun solely to the dom?

I'm kinda curious, to be honest, on how the submissive can have fun with that.
 

lydiab6

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Jan 15, 2008
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To a lot of people, BDSM is not just play. It is a lifestyle as well as a general mentality of the 'right' way things should be (for them). So, in the case of a disciplinarian, the submissive wants to accomplish some task, and understands that they may not be capable of compelling themselves to complete it. In such a way, the disciplinarian keeps them in the task they want, even when they no longer can push themselves.

In regard to 'only the Dom's happiness' sometimes, that is the case. Sometimes the submissive' happiness should come from the knowledge that their dominant partner is happy having them do the task. It is all a give and take, not every task has to be enjoyable to both parties.
 

sagittaire

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Yes, I'm aware that BDSM is a lifestyle choice for some. As for now (and probably for some good amount of time), I'll only take BDSM domestically. Anyway that doesn't really matter.

Thanks for your reply, it was very elucidative but i still don't quite get that "happy 'cause he/she is happy that I'm unhappy"

I mean: does it gives the disciplinarian joy to have the sub actually accomplish the task? hence the word? Or is it just the joy of inflicting agony/pain to the other?
In the first case i understand like "I'm happy 'cause he's happy that I'm unhappy right now but i can improve in some area of my life" Would that be it? (assuming there's love and/or caring involved)
in the latter: Is it just pure sadism/masochism?

I'm sorry to bug you with those questions and if I sounded dumb but i really want to get to know the aspects of this type of erotica, if i may call it that.
 
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lydiab6

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I think it depends on the relationship between the people. Hopefully it is a relationship built on trust and understanding in which case, the happiness would hopefully come from knowing that the submissive is improving quality of life, even if they are unhappy now.

Or, it could just be 'pure sadism/masochism' as you labeled it in which case, even though the submissive is not enjoying the task itself, does get some fulfillment from the suffering.

Additionally, certain tasks that are done by a submissive may be not enjoyable, but because they have a purpose for doing the tasks, even if it is just to please the dominant, it takes the edge off the unpleasantness.
 

tempered_sugar

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May 6, 2008
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To be honest I think it just depends on the individual. To me a Dom who gets a kick out of making the sub do something they don't want anmd gets pleasure from it is....kinda sick. There is a difference between pushing a "soft" limit or crossing lines that should not be crossed.

I know that my Dom can tell if i am not happy with how soemthing is going and that he doesn't enjoy it if I'm not on some level also enjoying something. Maybe the disiplinarion is a fantasy? Punishments can be dished out if the sub doesn't do a task etc that has been set but I have to say I persoanlly can't see the appeal of just being disciplined all the time.

Ok I havn't helped you much lol Maybe you need someone who is into this to reply.
 

Merlin

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i am waiting that someone is telling me that i overuse this thread ...
you maybe want to take a look at my thread Being a Dom (Kink Talk edition) maybe it can make some things clearer even if it is of course only my personal point of view.

If it is not you may of course ask more specific althouhgh i am not sure if i can add a lot to lydia and sugar... but i can maybe give you the point of view from the other site ... at least i can try
 

SubMissChievous

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Sagittaire, I think I recognize myself in some of your questions so I’m gonna try to answer them and explain a bit. It’s really not easy to put into words though but I’ll try :) But note that these are only my view points and not the way it is or should be for everyone and even if my opinions are a bit different than the posters above I agree with most of what has been said previously.

sagittaire said:
i don't quite get why would someone want a disciplinarian. I don't mean to be disrespectful to one's tastes but I read that you could inflict or make the submissive do things they don't like, and if the submissive don't like, what's the point of having that as sex play? Is that supposed to be fun solely to the dom?

I'm kinda curious, to be honest, on how the submissive can have fun with that.

First before I start… I often read posts and stuff on similar subjects and one common thing that comes out of this seem to always revolve around the Dom’s side. And, of course, it’s important to mention it. After all it’s the dominant who orders the submissive to do these tasks. For some, it’s like Lydia said, they will find a certain satisfaction from making the dominant happy. Some dominants also use this to motivate their subs with a “reward system”. So the satisfaction for the sub comes when the unpleasant task is done and they get something they love in return so they feel like they have “earned” it. In that case, motivation and the feeling of earning something is what works for them.

But there are also some submissives who just want to be controled or even “forced” to some level that goes beyond only what is “fun”. I can’t only speak for myself but, for me, if fun is the only thing I get I can become… well, very frustrated. Just like another sub would be if they don’t get it on at least some level. I think the keyword here is “fun”… If the main reason why someone would engage into some D/s activity is for fun then it’s perfectly understable that doing unpleasant things can be a turn off or at least make the sub very uncomfortable. But, at least for me, fun is not the only reason I do this. Sure, it has to be there, I’d be very unhappy too if it wasn’t and I don’t know anyone who would enjoy it long term, but if it’s only fun… then it gets not fun anymore (!) And even the fun stuff can become less pleasant then…

Now why is it that way? I’m not sure… that’s the part that is hardest to explain… I think there’s more than one reason. The ones already mentioned by Lydia are there: wanting to please my Master, the need to feel I’m improving. Perhaps a bit of mental masochism… But again I’m sure this can be different for someone else…

Also this kind of dynamic can exist in a relationship where the dominant is not necessarily a disciplinarian. For ex., for me, working with things I dislike or am not all that comfortable with works best in a positive context than if it is dished as some form of discipline or punishment. A lot of dominants use these activities in such a way because they want to discourage the sub to disobey. But then some other Doms will work through these activities in more positive circumstances to try to help the sub becoming more comfortable with these. So again there, there’s more than one way to approach the more unpleasant stuff.

sagittaire said:
Thanks for your reply, it was very elucidative but i still don't quite get that "happy 'cause he/she is happy that I'm unhappy"

I mean: does it gives the disciplinarian joy to have the sub actually accomplish the task? hence the word? Or is it just the joy of inflicting agony/pain to the other?
In the first case i understand like "I'm happy 'cause he's happy that I'm unhappy right now but i can improve in some area of my life" Would that be it? (assuming there's love and/or caring involved)
in the latter: Is it just pure sadism/masochism?

I think the happy/unhappy aspect is not exactly the reason why a Dom/sub would engage into doing things that the sub is not too enthusiastic about. Sure, each parties have to be happy and unhappiness leads to well… an unhappy relationship. Which is why if both partners are not happy with it, it won’t work. The unpleasant tasks may cause the sub to be uncomfortable and perhaps “unhappy” on the moment that the task is happening. That’s why there has to be something else that both the Dom and sub get satisfaction from doing these activities. Once again, this would be different from one person to another… I can easily imagine that in the dynamic of a sadist/masochist couple the sadist enjoy inflicting pain or discomfort directly and that the masochist enjoys receiving it the same way…

Sometimes, like I said, it is used as discipline/punishments. Many Doms I know hate serving these so I would think they don’t enjoy it and that when they use these it’s to discourage the sub from misbehaving.

And then you got weirdos like me who insists on doing these unpleasant tasks… Again, in this case I can’t answer for everyone but I would guess the possibility the Dom engage in these activities with the sub both for himself… and to make the sub happy too!

tempered-sugar said:
To be honest I think it just depends on the individual. To me a Dom who gets a kick out of making the sub do something they don't want anmd gets pleasure from it is....kinda sick. There is a difference between pushing a "soft" limit or crossing lines that should not be crossed.

Yes, that is very important to mention: There is of course a line between makiing a sub doing unpleasant tasks and crossing a line that shouldn’t be crossed! Pushing a soft limit too quick too fast or even just working through an area where the sub is uncomfortable should be done carefully.

Well, I hope my reply was a bit helpful and not too confusing… :D Like I said, it’s not very easy to explain and my post seems a bit scrambled as I tried to answer most questions… So if I missed something or was unclear feel free to ask so I’ll try to clarify my thoughts :)
 
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