sub feeling so used. please help

cupiedoll

Kinky Newbie
  • Bisexual
  • Female
  • Slave
Sep 17, 2015
9
0
0
so ive been with my current partner for about 4 years now(on and off) these days things have been kinda tame, but last night was a total disaster. right from the get go i was emotional, i had really low self esteem, and his degradation wasnt helping. usually its just annoying but this time i started crying. at first he was super supportive but later that night i guess he had a change of heart. he tied me up legs bound and arms behind my back and he bent me over and started whipping me harder and harder until it was well past my limits. i couldnt stop myself from crying and screaming out. when it was all over with he would barely talk to me. no support, no comfort, no reassurance. he just left me in a corner of the bed crying holding my ass in pain. and that night when we were going to bed there was no cuddling and no talking he just pushed me to the edge of the bed and wouldnt acknowledge me at all. hes not just my dom hes my partner and thats what made it hurt that much worse. i feel so used. i walked home feeling lonely, and helpless, and dirty. this cant be okay right? im not the most experienced in bdsm but i feel like i know enough to know that this is wrong. can anyone help me, some support or guidance you could give me?
 

df6wen

Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
May 6, 2008
42
11
8
Houston area
What you are describing is abuse. It is not right. You need to get out of that situation as soon as possible.
 

CuriouslyInterested

Verified Dragon
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
Staff member
Jan 12, 2015
464
46
28
Midwest
This definitely sounds wrong

so ive been with my current partner for about 4 years now(on and off) these days things have been kinda tame, but last night was a total disaster. right from the get go i was emotional, i had really low self esteem, and his degradation wasnt helping. usually its just annoying but this time i started crying. at first he was super supportive but later that night i guess he had a change of heart. he tied me up legs bound and arms behind my back and he bent me over and started whipping me harder and harder until it was well past my limits. i couldnt stop myself from crying and screaming out. when it was all over with he would barely talk to me. no support, no comfort, no reassurance. he just left me in a corner of the bed crying holding my ass in pain. and that night when we were going to bed there was no cuddling and no talking he just pushed me to the edge of the bed and wouldnt acknowledge me at all. hes not just my dom hes my partner and thats what made it hurt that much worse. i feel so used. i walked home feeling lonely, and helpless, and dirty. this cant be okay right? im not the most experienced in bdsm but i feel like i know enough to know that this is wrong. can anyone help me, some support or guidance you could give me?

Sweetie there is so much wrong with this I don't even know where to begin. This does not sound like a scene, this sounds like abuse.

A Dom's and partner's job is to want what is best for you. If you were already low and degradation isn't a turn on, it's only tolerable, it shouldn't have happened last night.

If you're screaming out in pain well past your limits, you should have a safe word to immediately cease all activity. If you do not, do not play with anyone again without one. If you have one and used it and he ignored it, no more play. If he realized you were well past your limits and it was extreme yet continued, no more play. A Dom doesn't get to just keep pushing until you're broken. If he can't respect you enough to care for your well being, he doesn't deserve to play with you OR ANYONE.

Regardless of the level of play, it's not ok to not provide aftercare. He broke down the walls, it's his responsibility to help you put yourself back together. It's reckless to ignore you after that intense of a scene. It's dangerous for him to ignore you and provide no comfort or reassurance. You should never have to walk home feeling used or dirty in a bad way.

There is no excuse for his behavior. It's his responsibility as a Dom to remain in control of himself. It's his responsibility to push your limits safely and in a sane manner. It's his responsibility to protect you and consider your needs. It's his responsibility to provide you aftercare. The fact he's not only your Dom but your partner and he showed so little regard to your well being, especially mental well being, is especially reprehensible. Once the trust is shattered, it's so hard to ever regain it again. And I would seriously question if you even want to.
 

Draken

Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Sep 21, 2014
44
0
6
I am not sure if he had a bad day but even then its no excuse

One of the golden rule of Domming is that if your angry do not Dom.

Curious stated as well, In real life

AFTERCARE is a must and he did not do that.

SAFEWORDS are also a must when it comes to scene.

In your post this 2 were clearly absent and I honestly think you should sit him down and talk to him as a GF not a slave.

Again like Curious said this is abuse not BDSM. If talking doesn't help I suggest you leave him. If he pulls out blackmail since you 2 are together I suggest you seek legal help.

I love pain play and if I am angry I would ask my slave to do corner time till I am cooled rather then proceed to a scene. If he is repentant and you wish to give him a chance it would be good you state this in your rule that if he is angry or pissed off he can only give you corner time.

I do not know your situation neither do anyone of us here could help you, so for now my suggestion is you stay far away from this guy till you find a proper mean to resolve this situation.
 

cupiedoll

Kinky Newbie
  • Bisexual
  • Female
  • Slave
Sep 17, 2015
9
0
0
thank you youve been a lot of help. just knowing that people like you and curious are out there and willing to take the time out to help me makes me feel better about this situation. its not like i can go to family or friends about this so i truely felt lost before you guys messaged me. thank you.
 

FlyTheKite

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
Aug 31, 2015
7
0
0
thank you youve been a lot of help. just knowing that people like you and curious are out there and willing to take the time out to help me makes me feel better about this situation. its not like i can go to family or friends about this so i truely felt lost before you guys messaged me. thank you.

Keep us updated alright? <3 Wish you all the best.
 

RoughMaster

Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Jan 4, 2015
42
0
0
u have been abused girl, i think ur "master/partner" doesnt know the difference between an actual master or a partner, a master would just beat the crap out of u, like he did, but a partner would tell u how amazing u are by going through all that.

now for that part, i think your partner might need some "alone" time, talking from experince with most men, when they lose what they "think they have" they come back crawling to it.

if u dont wanna be treated like ur a piece of shit for the rest of ur life, then i suggest u act now or else u will be just a "cumdump" he would even get a "wife" and just make u a maid, if u are lucky.
 

Master_Kevin

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
May 17, 2014
22
0
1
There are many things wrong with this. It was not a negotiated in any way.

Do you feel that you can use a safe word?

I recommend that you talk to him about this. If this is his new way of being with you, then you need you think about your options.
 

Billy00997

Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Jun 3, 2015
40
0
0
in a sub/dom relationship you should always treat your partner with respect and be aware of his/her limits. Even if your day is complete crap you still support them. I don't agree with how he treated you, there is nothing to justify that. Especially if they are your partner. I may only be a Dom for a couple of years, but you treat your sub,slave,pet,etc. With respect and after you show them how much you care and want to make the experience the best for both of y'all. But there is my two cents on the matter I wish you luck in your future endeavors
 

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