At What Point Do You...

Simplyme

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May 13, 2008
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Say hey can I tie you up or spank your ass or suck on your toes (or whatever you are into may be) to someone who you have met that is unaware of your sexual preferences?

And is there a good way to break that to them?

I think if I was a bit concerned on how they'd take it I'd probably go with the old favorite and get them drunk first :)
 

marth

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Oh man, what a great question. I can't answer it because I never have, but I'm desperately looking for a girl to explore with.

I think it's even tougher for dom's (especially new ones) to break the ice. Most subs at least have something sexy to offer anyone. Dom's aren't really appealing to anyone but subs.

I do like the idea of getting drunk first though.
 

ghillieman

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Lol i dont really care. the next day only if shes ok with it but usually i would wait 3 months to see if shes a hoe or prostitute or if shes a druggie becuz i dont want that nasty stuff
 

AlienMindsInc

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Never should you EVER approach it like that if you're not dating off of a fetish site. Find someone here, discuss immediately, find someone at wherever you pick people up, you should probably wait.

With non-fetish site dating, you should probably wait until you've had sex, or discuss having sex. Be honest, and make compromises. If they're not into it, they're not into it, sorry. Don't push it. You'll know when continuing on about it is too much.

I wouldn't suggest getting people drunk for it. Either doing it or confessing, definitely doesn't put you in the right frame of mind, nor does it put them there.

Marth,
I know this is going to be harsh, but if you need to get someone drunk to talk to them, or need alcohol to talk to people, then you do not have the most important thing any dom has to offer.

It might sound weird, but it indicates that you lack self confidence. The major thing any dom has going is self confidence. It's the biggest selling point, the security and knowledge that you are what you are, and you are going to be your partner's unmovable rock. It may sound sappy, but that's what doms bring among their other talents, abilities, and traits.

Ghille,
Show some respect for yourself, and women. I'd also suggest not going to the red light district to pick up people if you are going to worry about them being prostitutes.
 

yvonnewilcox

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Best way to break the ice without breaking up

The best way is to hint around watching those types of videos to get their immediate reaction and then you can judge your next move from that.
 

DianaR

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Say hey can I tie you up or spank your ass or suck on your toes (or whatever you are into may be) to someone who you have met that is unaware of your sexual preferences?

And is there a good way to break that to them?

I think if I was a bit concerned on how they'd take it I'd probably go with the old favorite and get them drunk first :)

All hail the fetish worksheet.

Have one handy and filed way for those times when playing would be interesting and you don't know the potential play partner well. Notice, I said play and not sex.

The fetish worksheet is a questionnaire that allows the potential bottom or submissive the opportunity to indicate interests and limits, before he is tied to the whipping post.
 

Master_Emanon

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If it is a vanilla relationship, then you can hint around such as offering them feet massages at first then slowing doing more with the feet..

if it is a bdsm relationship then most of the time both parties are open to try different fetishes and kinks that the other partner may have either not tried or may be mildly intrigued in..this is referring a real bdsm relationship when the parties each others significant others not in the M/s or D/s relationships
 
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lulu

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Getting to know someone is the key and reading how they react to things! then take it one step at a time, if they are into the same things as you but if they arent then dont push it.
 

bubble

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Any man I have ever met always has a little curiosity.

If you are not confident in discussing it with your new partner, then you shouldn't. Wait until the time feels right and make the suggestion.
 

Sour Candy

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i recall that when i met my lovers, i immediately entered into a relationship with the guy, and when sex came up, i made it a point to discuss everything there was TO discuss. shy work for a seventeen year old, but it was done. before we ever had sex, i'd wrung out of him his previous sexual experiences {which included a guy, to my pleasure}, any preferences, and even dragged him to go with me to be tested.

i like to have everything out in the open at the beginning of a relationship, is my point. while it's not always possible, as soon as you realize you're deeply into someone, or whatever the case may be, in my opinion that it's best to simply get all the little stuff {you know, like how you'd love to do some serious sexual exploration, or what have you} out of the way before you're in the bedroom.

or, backyard. whatever. :D
 

Slixious

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Somehow I don't really recall how I have done it all the times that I have done it so far. Once you start, it becomes a lot easier to explain everything you know, and it would be fair to accept that you can tell them a lot of things, but they don't have to like all of it. I don't think I went fully into it, I just discussed things in a kind of informational way to them, seeing how they reacted. People liked things at varying points (all the way to vanilla), but in the end all of them seemed to like a lot of the stuff that I liked. I've had some pretty fun times, and have helped people explore intimacy that isn't just limited to vanilla sex.
 

Merlin

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I think the point is there is no "vanilla" this is all a very blurry grey... the number people doing nothing but plain... "Blümchensex" (flower sex) is quiet low and as soon as you get a bit insight into it a lot of people have kinks for some it is just in a very mild form.
 
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His_Einna

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Well, first off, you need to be subtle about it. Start talking about sex, kinks, weird things you've heard, etc. etc. then drop your kink into it. If they react well, tell them you're into it. If not...well, it's up to you. Getting them drunk doesn't work, nor does blindsiding them with it.

IMHO
 

PaddleFan

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Times to do and do not

Having gone down this road a few times, I can offer some tips for when not to have this talk and a few positive pointers too.

1. Do not bring it up when you're in the middle of having sex. If either of you are turned on, they'll either go along with it (and wonder what the heck happened when it's over) or get freaked out and it'll be hard to get back into a common ground.

2. The same goes for drinking. Don't do this while either of you are drunk or the same problems could come up.

3. Wait until you'd had sex a few times and feel comfortable talking about it. If you can't talk about plain sex by itself, kinks will have to wait.

4. What I think you should do is calming sit the other person down and lightly bring up the subject. Again, be calm and relaxed. If you're tense, they'll think this is a big deal. It shouldn't be a big deal, it should be light and fun and interesting. For example, if you bring up spanking, maybe say something like, "What do you think about a little role playing during sex?" And work in some possible fantasies.
If it's feet, try a little foot rub and compliment his/her feet, give them a kiss. Say something like, "I could just eat these up," mean their feet.

5. The important thing is to not make this sound like a sickness you have. Like, "I have this fettish about wearing women's underware." Start small and include them. Don't say, "I like to spank people." Something more like, "Sometimes when you're being a tease, I want to spank you."


These have worked for me fairly well. Again, calmly, small thing, make it fun for them.
 

Kitten

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Well...
If you're already known for being random-ish...

What I did was just say; "What would you say if...?"
And then see what they'd say.
If it was positive, I'd let on that it was a hint that it's something I wanted.
Otherwise I'd just act like it was totally random.
It still keeps them wondering, but you can laugh it off :p

Then again, I'm not the right person to be giving relationship advice, ha!
 

jonihorn

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Everything works from a point of establishing relationship. I believe if you genuinely and sincerely care for your partner, they will be more attentive and open to your needs and wants.

If you show them you care enough and make them feel loved, they will be definitely at least be willing to entertain your fantasies, whether they like it or or will continue is a different story.

This is reality people, not a fantasy world or a porn movie.

Just my 2cs :)
 

cat

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I think mails/letters are a good way. I love to write erotic stories/my fantasies and I used to send them to my slave before he was my slave. They started off pretty tame but the third one...I began by writing "I apologize if anything here offends you but I just want to be honest with you ... these are the things I fantasized about doing to you".

I wrote all kinds of things in there about tying him up, spanking him, prostate massage (my favourite..) and 'play raping' him. He took it all very well ;) I guess he might have come back saying it was odd or extreme, or he might not have replied at all ..haha, but it worked for me/us.


ps. We are online soon to be offline but the same goes even if it is your live in partner, erotic letters can be a real turn on.
 
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