update: sub feeling used, please help.

cupiedoll

Kinky Newbie
  • Bisexual
  • Female
  • Slave
Sep 17, 2015
9
0
0
i just want to start off by saying thank you to everyone who gave me advice and comfort in this stressful time.

so i told him how i felt about what happened, i tried being firm yet willing to listen to what he had to say and well it didnt go so well, first he got really defensive, then he just stopped talking to me all together. he explained why he wouldnt be near me as he was really hot, which i can sorta see and i sorta cant. he runs at a higher over all body temp than me as i have anemia but i was still pretty freezing in that room. and he didnt even try to explain why he wouldnt try to talk to me or comfort me, which pissed me off. and now hes sulking maybe because i hurt his pride. idk im really frustrated with the way hes acting right now though.
 

CuriouslyInterested

Verified Dragon
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
Staff member
Jan 12, 2015
464
46
28
Midwest
He doesn't really make him himself any hotter by placing a hand on your shoulder, wiping your hair from your face or grabbing wash rag and towel or running a bath to clean you up and soothe sore skin. It definitely wouldn't have made him hotter to use his voice and tell him how proud he was of you or how well you did, how much he values you, etc. I'm sure he was very defensive because no one likes it brought up how majorly they neglected someone. Talking about what you felt about a scene and what went wrong is still part of aftercare, and he's still denying you that care. The fact he's still defensive and unwilling to communicate terrifies me that he thinks this was okay, and it is 100% not okay as you need it. And that's ignoring the fact that he crossed your limits so far to begin with.

Personally I would be frustrated and furious with his behavior, it is absolutely unacceptable. Communication and mutual respect is necessary for any relationship to work, either as partners or D/s. I know it's difficult, but until he's willing to give those, you still need to his firm. His wants and comfort cannot be put before your needs.
 

cupiedoll

Kinky Newbie
  • Bisexual
  • Female
  • Slave
Sep 17, 2015
9
0
0
i totally agree

He doesn't really make him himself any hotter by placing a hand on your shoulder, wiping your hair from your face or grabbing wash rag and towel or running a bath to clean you up and soothe sore skin. It definitely wouldn't have made him hotter to use his voice and tell him how proud he was of you or how well you did, how much he values you, etc. I'm sure he was very defensive because no one likes it brought up how majorly they neglected someone. Talking about what you felt about a scene and what went wrong is still part of aftercare, and he's still denying you that care. The fact he's still defensive and unwilling to communicate terrifies me that he thinks this was okay, and it is 100% not okay as you need it. And that's ignoring the fact that he crossed your limits so far to begin with.

Personally I would be frustrated and furious with his behavior, it is absolutely unacceptable. Communication and mutual respect is necessary for any relationship to work, either as partners or D/s. I know it's difficult, but until he's willing to give those, you still need to his firm. His wants and comfort cannot be put before your needs.

i absolutely agree, i think if this were a new relationship with an experienced dom i would have been out the door by now, but because ive invested so much of myself into this relationship im still holding on to the hope that he will learn from this and move forward. ive seen that he has the ability to do so but if he keeps holding onto the idea that he did nothing wrong nothing will change. i understand that this is a hard conversation to be had especially on his end but it need to be had. i think a few years ago if this had happened i would have just tolerated it, but thankfully ive become a much stronger person and i have so much more information on what a good d/s relationship should look like. it really frustrates me the way hes running away from this as he does any time theres conflict in our relationship, and as this is exceptionally more serious i expected more from him. *sigh* it pisses me off
 

sophiaspanties

Banned
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Submissive
Sep 26, 2015
46
2
0
cherry hill
What to do!

Simple really! Every relationship needs, love, respect, and dignity. If he treats you exceedingly abusive and you literally feel in fear because of it, he is stealing your dignity. Dignity is the ability to feel worthy of honor or respect for yourself. If you're feeling this badly about it, it's hard to believe he's even worthy of a second chance! You need to text him, call him, w/e you need to do to let him know, that what he did was absolutely un-acceptable to ever happen again. In fact, you should completely cut ties until he is absolutely crawling at your feet, crying, whimpering, apologizing, begging for you back in his life. Even after that, I would make sure he knows precisely, your boundaries. If you say the word 'peaches' and he doesn't instantly stop and care for your well being, he needs to know there will be consequences. I'm talking cops, sexual assault charges/rape charges, Hell I'd honestly go out and buy a taser or mace or something.

Think this to yourself right now! If you're at all apprehensive about what he might do, if you told him you can't see him for a while, that's a sign of fear!
Get out now! Run! don't sympathize, don't try and see his perspective, just run! Ask yourself right now, can I love this man? Can I respect him after that? If the answer is no, then the relationship should just be done.

Like the saying goes, you give an inch, they take a mile! If you let him get away with getting off on some truly sadistic abuse he's going to take it further. You don't want to end up another statistic!
 

RoughMaster

Kink Talk Member
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Jan 4, 2015
42
0
0
pro tip : leave him

not so pro tip: dominate him , put him in his place and show him that u can be a mistress and treat him the same way he did to u.
basiclly he will come back crawling to u and will treat u better than before

pro tip but not so pro tip :
write him a paper ( i know ill get bashed for this but oh well) if u watched 50 shades of grey then u have seen how the "master" gave the "sub" a contract to sign, do the same thing.
now that u will put everything and i mea EVERYTHING u want and hate in it and make sure he MEMORIZE IT and then u 2 will be set to go into ur bdsm relation.
 

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