Kink Talk

Go Back   Kink Talk > Community > Relationship Advice

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-18-2010, 01:26 PM
thedon thedon is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Male - Private
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 2
thedon is on a distinguished road
Default Fire loss... Love lost?

You know the situation, you've heard it a million times, man not sexually satisfied by his amazingly hot wife who just doesn't seem interested even when the couple in question is supposed to be trying for a second baby.

The question is when the wife seems totally put off by any forthcoming suggestions of sex and has pigeonholed the relationship into a sex opportunity window of the bed just before you sleep what the fuck do you do?!

Especially when you hate regime! I am this man and it's killing me inside. Ideas??!!

Don't say leave her, not gonna happen but I need something!!!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-19-2010, 07:18 AM
womble's Avatar
womble womble is offline
Kinky Newbie
Bisexual - Male - Submissive
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 24
womble is on a distinguished road
Default

I really feel for you, I'm in the same situation and I can't find a way out.
I think a lot off people end up with similar relationship sex problems.
__________________
Womble

Into: BDSM, pain, nipple play, cbt, spanking, some cross dressing. Sex games, Dares, being naked outside and in semi public and taking photos in such situations (if possible), orgasm control, Semi-public, CFNM, CMNM, Private humiliation and sensible blackmail.

Not into: Close up with neighbours, family, scat or enemas, furry, pet, diapers, nothing that breaks the skin, unhealthy, permanent or that will get me arrested or make me the talk of the town.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-19-2010, 08:56 AM
thedon thedon is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Male - Private
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 2
thedon is on a distinguished road
Default Fire loss... Love lost?

Quote:
Originally Posted by womble
I really feel for you, I'm in the same situation and I can't find a way out.
I think a lot off people end up with similar relationship sex problems.
Yep almost all of my married male friends suffer too, but the issue is what can be done??!! I'm considering a no sex stint to see how she reacts, but that's not going to help with the fact we want another child is it!

I find the whole thing selfish in the fact that it's always down to me to be the driving force but many knock backs just kill your confidence...
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-22-2010, 10:33 AM
tempered_sugar's Avatar
tempered_sugar tempered_sugar is offline
Senior Kink Talk Member
Straight - Female - Submissive
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 171
tempered_sugar is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by thedon View Post
I find the whole thing selfish in the fact that it's always down to me to be the driving force but many knock backs just kill your confidence...
Ever thought you might be being selfish by expecting there to be sex when you're in the mood? Sometimes women (and guys) really do not feel like sex for hundreds of reasons. If you are trying for a second baby she could be anxious, be putting pressure on herself, be having body image issues etc etc.

Now I do understand that you feel left out but have you thought about sitting down and just talking to her? Not a confrontation but just expressing that you are concerned that she doesn't seem interested in you sexually at the moment. She might need you to take it slow and make it romantic, not just pounce on her and hope for the best (everyone does that sometimes!).

I can't help but take the womans side slightly in this but I really do think guys miss the little signs and hints that a woman isn't happy and needs some help and support. Women sometimes want the guy to ask whats up rather than bring the subject up themselves especially if it is over a touchy subject
__________________
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
~William Shakespeare, Sonnet 130

Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-12-2012, 06:26 AM
Jane143's Avatar
Jane143 Jane143 is offline
Kinky Newbie
Bisexual - Female - Switch
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 15
Jane143 is on a distinguished road
Default

Be patient...Take your time...And giver her the space she needs...Don't push things between you two...
__________________
Spice up your sex life with the magic of We-Vibe 3 Vibrator.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-12-2012, 12:36 PM
Hollyann Hollyann is offline
Senior Kink Talk Member
Bisexual - Female - Switch
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 112
Hollyann is on a distinguished road
Default

Try new things like dont just do the same position every time you have sex, try new positions. or try Doing somestuff you have never done together if you've never tried bondage maybe try holding her hands above her head and see how she reacts.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 08-12-2012, 10:42 PM
bugmenot1970's Avatar
bugmenot1970 bugmenot1970 is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Male - Private
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 24
Blog Entries: 5
bugmenot1970 is on a distinguished road
Default

Hey man sympathy from all married men - I can tell you.
From experience and I have an extremely sexy wife is be patient. It is the only way.
Look out for her needs and try being nice take her a glass of wine in bed and dont try anything. Lightsome candles in the room when she is getting ready for bed - and dont try anything. Give her a massage using the Durex Massage lube it is great and make sure your hands are warm and wet (under the tap wet) It adds to the effect. Againg dont try anything. Just try these and see what it leads too.... it works.
As soon as you try it on she will retract back to usual. when you get more comfortabel again then think about expanding into little things (small toys) dress up play. Simple stuff not too heavy.
Hell it works for me.....
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-13-2012, 12:06 AM
Memories for Life's Avatar
Memories for Life Memories for Life is offline
Senior Kink Talk Member
Straight - Male - Dominant
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 622
Memories for Life is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tempered_sugar View Post
... I really do think guys miss the little signs and hints that a woman isn't happy and needs some help and support. Women sometimes want the guy to ask whats up rather than bring the subject up themselves especially if it is over a touchy subject
Why do women always put the burden on the man to "solve" their problem? Do women ever think the emotional turmoil they are feeling in a relationship is happening to their partner as well?
__________________
What are your "limits"?
(If you "like" it then that's good for you. If you "dislike" it, you're still going to do it whether you enjoy it or not!)
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 08-13-2012, 12:39 AM
Memories for Life's Avatar
Memories for Life Memories for Life is offline
Senior Kink Talk Member
Straight - Male - Dominant
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 622
Memories for Life is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by thedon View Post
... man not sexually satisfied by his amazingly hot wife who just doesn't seem interested even when the couple in question is supposed to be trying for a second baby. ...
The second I read the part about trying for a "second baby", I knew how to "address" your issue.

First things first. Who wants a second child? What is the sex of the first one and how old is he/she now? Were either of you "disappointed" that the firstborn was a boy or a girl so the 2nd child will be the "one" you can be "really" close with?

When, where and how a child is conceived is NEVER controlled by either of the parents! Throw out all the "junk" about getting the "right" time, the "right" ovulation, the "right" temperature, the "right" position, etc. All this does is put pressure on one or both to "perform" at that instance of "perfection" and when the result doesn't produce offspring, someone gets the "blame" which broadens the tension between the couple!

Since we're unable to communicate with your wife about her feelings about the whole "new baby" idea, I can only give you advice that you may follow. Do you remember when you first met your "hot wife" and what you did to convince/encourage her to love you enough to continue your relationship into marriage? This is how you need to act now -- like you've just met her and you're nervous she might not be into you. You've got to "rekindle" the embers of your relationship like it was before the thought of marriage or children ever entered either of your minds!

Start slow like before -- send her a single flower, call her at work and ask her out on a date, don't do exactly what you did before but similar as "familiar" things may "ignite" some long smoldering passion. Most importantly is that you both forget about "another baby" right now -- this is about finding the "spark" between the two of you again. If you both give the little spark time to build, you may be awarded with an "inferno" but trying too hard may end up having "Smokey the Bear" show up to "douse" your campfire permanently!
__________________
What are your "limits"?
(If you "like" it then that's good for you. If you "dislike" it, you're still going to do it whether you enjoy it or not!)
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 10-11-2013, 11:32 AM
LadyM's Avatar
LadyM LadyM is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Female - Dominant
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 20
Blog Entries: 4
LadyM is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Memories for Life View Post
Why do women always put the burden on the man to "solve" their problem? Do women ever think the emotional turmoil they are feeling in a relationship is happening to their partner as well?
Well women are held responsible for any reproductive "accidents" that occur even though a man is involved in each accidental pregnancy, so men need to be responsible for something!

Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 10-11-2013, 12:05 PM
Closer22 Closer22 is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Male - Dominant
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 9
Closer22 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Memories for Life View Post
Why do women always put the burden on the man to "solve" their problem? Do women ever think the emotional turmoil they are feeling in a relationship is happening to their partner as well?
Agree. It's always a two way street and if she loved you then she would meet you half way. The important thing I learned is that you can't expect her to meet you half way if she doesn't know how serious the problem is. And I don't mean subtle hints. I mean you sitting down with her and hitting her over the head with it like a ton of bricks so she can't ever claim, you never told me. She should respect that. I think for some of us guys we think, but what if I tell her my needs aren't being met and she doesn't try to meet me half way? Then what?
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 10-11-2013, 02:38 PM
JEflutterby's Avatar
JEflutterby JEflutterby is offline
Kinky Newbie
Bisexual - Female - Switch
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8
JEflutterby is on a distinguished road
Send a message via Skype™ to JEflutterby
Smile awesome words

Quote:
Originally Posted by Memories for Life View Post
The second I read the part about trying for a "second baby", I knew how to "address" your issue.

First things first. Who wants a second child? What is the sex of the first one and how old is he/she now? Were either of you "disappointed" that the firstborn was a boy or a girl so the 2nd child will be the "one" you can be "really" close with?

When, where and how a child is conceived is NEVER controlled by either of the parents! Throw out all the "junk" about getting the "right" time, the "right" ovulation, the "right" temperature, the "right" position, etc. All this does is put pressure on one or both to "perform" at that instance of "perfection" and when the result doesn't produce offspring, someone gets the "blame" which broadens the tension between the couple!

Since we're unable to communicate with your wife about her feelings about the whole "new baby" idea, I can only give you advice that you may follow. Do you remember when you first met your "hot wife" and what you did to convince/encourage her to love you enough to continue your relationship into marriage? This is how you need to act now -- like you've just met her and you're nervous she might not be into you. You've got to "rekindle" the embers of your relationship like it was before the thought of marriage or children ever entered either of your minds!

Start slow like before -- send her a single flower, call her at work and ask her out on a date, don't do exactly what you did before but similar as "familiar" things may "ignite" some long smoldering passion. Most importantly is that you both forget about "another baby" right now -- this is about finding the "spark" between the two of you again. If you both give the little spark time to build, you may be awarded with an "inferno" but trying too hard may end up having "Smokey the Bear" show up to "douse" your campfire permanently!
thats the nicest and most poignant spot on remark and advice. cheers sweets. cool. have a bright day..
__________________
i would rather be spanked with intellect than be spanked by a stupid monkey.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:58 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.