How to switch...

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AlienMindsInc

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May 25, 2008
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So here's something that's going to sound really silly, but...

I've been a dominant for about 7 years now, with strong switching tendencies that never lead anywhere. This is mostly due to the few times I did sub that turned out so bad that I really don't trust anyone any more. However, recently my overly submissive boyfriend has been wanting to dominate me, except somehow it always turns around on him. The worst part is that I trust him enough to let him, but he just doesn't seem strong enough to dom me.

I've given him everything I know about how to make me more submissive, but I'm afraid that isn't enough. It seems that every time he tries, we hit some area that he has no experience in (almost everything-- might as well be a virgin), and I have experience in, so I end up turning it on him. Does anyone have any advice for how to turn off my natural tendency to dom, so I can sub for him?

Thanks,
-M
 
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littlesexslave

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Jan 24, 2009
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After a while he should become more experianced with this, so maybe you should just give him a little time?
Hope this helps
 
lydiab6

lydiab6

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Jan 15, 2008
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You have to get into the submissive mindset. He will be in charge, and no matter what you or he does, your 'job' at the time is to serve him as the submissive to his dominant. He might say "I have no idea what I'm doing" and then you can help him, but help him as the submissive. Try asking questions that will lead him in the right direction, without saying "do this". "Would you like it if I ...sir" is a good starting question. You give a direction as a suggestion, show respect towards him as dominant, and allow him to say no I don't, or yes but do it this way, ect... He may just be nervous because he doesn't have dominant experience and he knows that you do.

Hope that helps! Switching is hard, especially with someone you have a preexisting relationship with that is different from what you are trying to do now.
 
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Belle

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Mar 28, 2009
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Like Littlesexslave said, I believe you just need to give him a little more time. If he's used to you being the dominant one, it may just be hard for him to change his mindset.

Wishing you all the best! :)
 
tempered_sugar

tempered_sugar

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May 6, 2008
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I think lydia was spot on. Try asking a leading question, I think even with an experianced Dom its nice to offer them something or suggest. You can't guess what someone wants to do all the time.

Maybe try subbing for simple things, like in how you talk to them and address them and then build up to full on play :)
 
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spookyxf

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Mar 26, 2009
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This is one of the reasons I am a sub, for me its a good learning tool.

I learn what it feels like to be under someone elses control, learn their methods and how that reflects on me.. do I enjoy it or dislike it, and how would I improve on that?

I dont know how long I will be a sub, at some point in the future I would like to switch so I am still learning the ropes (so to speak).

I dont know if it will help to be a sub to others also, that way you can get to pick up on other methods perhaps not yet tried. Of course this is entirely up to you but is possibly another avenue to explore.
 
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Ivan

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Apr 11, 2009
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I guess it would be wise to have the other person lead you through everything if you lack experience. This way, there is not miscommunication of problems.
 
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