Kink Talk

Go Back   Kink Talk > Community > Relationship Advice

Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-16-2016, 02:04 AM
Prince_of_Mercy's Avatar
Prince_of_Mercy Prince_of_Mercy is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Male - Dominant
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 22
Prince_of_Mercy is on a distinguished road
Default Aftercare

Hi all!

I was wondering why there is no thread about this very important matter in D/s relationship. As we discussed about that on getDare, I think this is the right place to talk about it.

There are many subs who are not being given much needed attention by their Doms/Dommes after the scene. While role playing, subs are often exposed to rough treatment, but after the scene is finished, subs may feel different psycho-physical disturbances such as guilt, worthlessness, being ashamed of themselves, with low esteem or even depressed, feeling overly tired, dehydrated, fatigued. Yes, it is very serious condition, caused by the hormonal disbalance, better known as the "Sub drop".

I'm sure many of you know what aftercare is, but for those who are not acquainted with that term, aftercare is the process of giving your (usually sub) partner needed physical or emotional attention after a play scene.

Just as subs experience different physical and emotional sensations after playing, good Doms have to provide various physical and emotional aftercare for their subs.

- Talk, talk, talk. Communications is very important before, during and after playing. Whatever scene you're creating and no matter how rough it can be, always make sure your partner is feeling secure, safe and loved. Talk about your previous scene, what you liked or disliked. Listen to each other and just try to be there for her/him.

- The power of Kiss and hug: being intimate with your partner, whether Dom or sub, doesn't always mean sex. Hold your partner in your arms, kiss and it will relieve you both of stress. Gently touch and caress her/his skin with your fingers,

Make your sub comfortable and cozy. Put a blanket over her/him and keep her/him warm and hydrated. Offer a glass of water and chocolate, as it will replenish the liquids, raise some blood sugar and release Oxytocin, often referred to as the ôlove hormone".

There are plenty of other means to provide your subs with care and as long as you're both happy after that, you're doing a great job!

Not only that it's important in real life relationship, it's important in online relationship as well. I had several subs that were feeling intense guilt and shame after playing, that I had to reassure them they had nothing to be ashamed of and that they were excellent subs and I enjoyed playing with them very much.

Subs are often neglected in online play, so I would like to start an "Aftercare clinic" which would deal in aftercare and where both Doms and subs could participate and exchange experiences.

Feel free to talk about your fears, thoughts or anything that makes you feel bad, sad or displeased. If you feel uncomfortable doing that in public, you can always send me a PM, I'll be more than glad to talk and help you.
Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2016, 04:25 PM
KinkyCupcake KinkyCupcake is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Female - Switch
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 5
KinkyCupcake is on a distinguished road

Thank you so much for this! I haven't been doing this dom/sub thing for long at all, and both of my experiences have been over Skype... So aftercare is not something I ever really experienced.
Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2016, 06:55 PM
Daniel9963's Avatar
Daniel9963 Daniel9963 is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Female - Submissive
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 17
Daniel9963 is on a distinguished road
Smile I've feel it some times

I've been roleplaying and being a sub for a year and a half officially and Ive pass for something similar always in rp, some doms ask what kinks you have, limits and go straight to the sex part... I dot think that's great for the dom or the sub, I prefer to go slowly building something up and then having sex because if not sometimes it's like sex --> bye. And it makes the sub or dom mad.

In my personal cases I've feel really bad because I end it up thinking that I really should be a slave (I was rp for a long time with 3-6 persons) and it took me a week and a half to return to my normal mindset,..

I would like to advice everyone... Know first of all with who are you talking and from the start say the things clearly ^^

Thanks for reading and have a great day everyone
Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2016, 09:00 PM
Prince_of_Mercy's Avatar
Prince_of_Mercy Prince_of_Mercy is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Male - Dominant
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 22
Prince_of_Mercy is on a distinguished road

Thanks for taking your time and reading my post, I already thought no one is interested in aftercare anymore. Some people are just shy or feeling embarrassed to talk about it, but I think it is important.

D/s relationship is not only about sex what most people might think and that's where the problems start to show. Some Doms/Dommes do not pay enough attention to their subs' needs and often overlook their limits as well, so their relation turns into a dead alley pretty fast.

If anyone wants to talk about it, send me a PM and we'll discuss it over there.
Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2016, 12:06 AM
thatsecretplace's Avatar
thatsecretplace thatsecretplace is offline
Kinky Newbie
Bisexual - Female - Switch
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6
Blog Entries: 1
thatsecretplace is on a distinguished road

After care whe online can be a bit harder to excersize.
Here are some examples:
-Both watch the same movie while on skype
-Send eachother nice audio messages(doms need aftercare too)
-Tell your sub to take a nice long warm shower, after have them apply some lotion and the off to bed
-share funny posts you've fond online
...female, 24 years old, pansexual, bbw, switch...

Likes: humiliation, clothespins, pain, omorashi, being told what to wear, body writing, humping,wedgies, cgl

Limits: illegal, edging, cam/pics, candle wax, messy (poo,blood,hot sauce etc.)

...My Toys...

[COLOR="rgb(112, 128, 144)"]I'm currently not looking for a Dom... or a sub... [/COLOR]

If you want my kik pm me.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2016, 07:09 AM
NotYourGirlfriend NotYourGirlfriend is offline
Kink Talk Member
Lesbian - Female - Private
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 30
NotYourGirlfriend is on a distinguished road

We started on skype. My Dom would just stay on afterwards and talk to me, tell me how beautiful I was, ask how I felt, etc. so just TALKING is helpful if over Skype.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 07:22 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.