Can I make a Dom?

bad slave

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As some of you may be aware I am a real sub. Craving to be controlled..

I have met a wonderful guy, and we are getting married, but he is more vanilla. He is aware of what I like, but is scared of hurting me either physically or emotionally.

How can I introduce him to bdsm and make him realise that humiliation and punishments would not hurt?
 

Dirt

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Jun 9, 2012
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First of all, if you're getting married with the guy you better realize that you might never get to live out your sexual fantasies as far as being a sub are concerned, and be fine with it. Don't plan on changing the person somewhere down the road, it might very well never work.

As far as what you can do to make him more open about, I guess talk to him about, more than you already have. Try to explain to him what turns you on about it, try finding something that sparks his interest. Ask him a lot of questions, too.
 

bad slave

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First of all, if you're getting married with the guy you better realize that you might never get to live out your sexual fantasies as far as being a sub are concerned, and be fine with it. Don't plan on changing the person somewhere down the road, it might very well never work.

As far as what you can do to make him more open about, I guess talk to him about, more than you already have. Try to explain to him what turns you on about it, try finding something that sparks his interest. Ask him a lot of questions, too.

Thanks for your reply. At the end of the day, if he can't play my game, I will settle for a vanilla relationship. His good points outweigh my desire to be controlled.

If he could be my Dom, it would be utopia.

There is something about him that makes me feel he has a darker side. On the couple of times where we have played, he has been hot.

His concern is that he might hurt me, he also can't understand how humiliation can be exciting.

I don't know how best to explain WHY being controlled, abused and humiliated can be such a thrill. To me it just is. Any help would be appreciated.
 

andrei

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an idea: try to play with him like you being the dominant. He might enjoy new things in your relationship then you can open his eyes. Someone said to me before, that a good domme had to be a submissive first, maybe something like this works with him too. Let him learn a bit about, let him feel how it is like.
 

jlstockton25

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Oct 8, 2008
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Maybe show him some websites that talk about the D/s lifestyle, and let him explore on his own, at his own pace. It might help if he can explore freely without feeling pressured, and come to you with any questions he has.
 

An inactive user

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I guess maybe take him to a startup meeting for beginners. He can get an Idee of how it's like see others enjoy to(if you both don't mind this ofcourse) There are also a lot of books and documentary's if you know where to look. I use randommate to exchange pics with people i don't even know and found out that if you explain that the pain and pleasure centre of the brain make the same hormones(correct me if i'm wrong dutch here) and that some sort of pain can be interpret as pleasure.
 

Merlin

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Short answer : You cant

Long answer: This question is on the same level as asking if you can make a gay man straight. You cant, it will not work and even the idea is pointless.

So before we go on here I want to say the same as Dirt. If you marry this man than marry him as he is. You will never change him and be aware of that! You get what you see and the idea of changing him is not only in many ways pointless but also unfair towards him.

What you can do is try to explain to him that you want to try something.
You can , like others said, show him maybe some ideas but from there on out it is his pacing.
Maybe he has a dominant side , maybe he will hate the idea. Only he can decide and you should make sure that no matter what it is fine with you.

If he has interest he will ask you then is the point to try to explain him how and what you feel... to show him maybe some sites or articles... maybe find a dominant he can talk with. But these things should come from him not you.
 

bad slave

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Is it possible to be dominant and not know it?

I am a little confused about him, when we started to discuss sexual habits, I told him I was a bad girl, he responded by informing me that I was into bdsm. He obviously is aware of a great deal, and can be dominant and controlling, when I encourage him that I think he must be a natural. This led me to wonder if he could be a Dom without being aware of it.
 

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