Ok time for a bit of rant, and its not directed at the original poster, at least not directly.
First up, trying to equate what happens here with actual bdsm is pointless. What happens here is not in any way, shape or form bdsm, the majority of the people here are sideline wannabes who have never so much as lifted a crop or tied up more than their shoe laces!
My experience dealing with many (far too many) of the idiotic members that claim to be Doms, Dommes, subs or slaves is that the vast majority have seen a bit of bdsm porn and liked the idea. Thats it, no experience at all.
This place needs to be taken for what it has become, a digital playpen for the kik generation to get a quick jolly.
We try quite hard to filter the serious comment and discussion from the endless personal ads for but its a constant battle.
Finding someone you are truly compatible with SHOULD take months at least, more likely years. Bdsm is no different to any other relationship, it takes time to develop.
The way forward, look elsewhere, find your local community and attend a few munches. Get to know real people, not a bunch of fake digital personas and you will see that this is a reality. Armed with some actual experience you will easily be able to spot all the online fakes who have no idea what they are talking about.