New Here/Journey Rambling

charli198632

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Private
Apr 20, 2017
4
0
0
I guess this will be an outlet. Not sure, maybe the blog section is best as I feel like this will turn into journaling endeavor.

I am new to kink in general. Never really been a huge porn consumer having at most edgy vanilla relationships. Last year, while traveling, I was watching tv in a hotel room. I don't remember the show name or what ever, but there was a lady who had hired a male escort to let her lock him in chastity in order to experiment further with her desires. That was the first awareness of a device/cage that I had experienced. Thus, the curiosity began and I first sought youtube. Then, I was curious as to if such a device would work and how it felt. So, I got my first which was a cb6000. As I experimented with it, I became more accustomed with the area of chastity. Having decided I liked it, I made the leap to order a custom cage that would allow me to test limits while being hygienic and safe. After a bit, I began trying to push out to several weeks utilizing a safety deposit box to avoid access to the keys which went well, but allowed for a moment of weakness once. During all of that, I considered a key holder, but never really sought one. I didn't want a woman to do it unless she had a very keen interest. I wanted her to gain from the experience and process. But, I wounderd what it would be like to be helped through a struggle by the person who was saying ''no''. "I will help you get thru this, but not by release" was a fasinationg thought. Though, I had no interested in a mean spirited person. Fast forward, I was chatting with a lady, generally. Over the course of the discussion she asked about my kinks. So, I indulged her into the fact that I was currently caged, and in order to avoid a moment of weakness had dropped the keys into the mail. After a few conversations, she divulged that she would be interested in becoming the decider. I was wowed, because I see folks, essentially, begging while trying to find a holder. Let alone one who really matched up to an underlying fantasy. I was also scared, nervous, with a rush of other feelings on top of having been locked for my longest period to date at that point. After discussion, we agreed and did a contract. Friday will be 5 weeks. Yesterday was the first time of her having said "lets wait and see how you are doing next week"

Perhaps, this forum will be an outlet and discovery in this part of the journey. It is still very new. The fantasy was to really be pushed, but I am not sure how that will translate in reality. It is strange, great, weird, and all kinds of other things to have the decision for something so close and primal be at another's discretion. Yesterday, while chatting, I learned of her researching and that she was aroused (not necessary sexually) by being a keyholder. She related that watching a chaste guy being teased and denied really excited her. It was oddly exhilarating that she was so peaked, and that I found so much pleasure in what she was getting out of it.
Yesterday was the first time of a decision from her. She said "lets wait and see how you are doing next week"
Wondering how this be and just musing a bit.
 

charli198632

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Private
Apr 20, 2017
4
0
0
Tough

This weekend was a challenge as Friday was the the end of a 5th week which is the absolute longest I have ever gone. The urge was much more extreme and present. Mostly just the stroke being hidden away more than the finally. Really hard to describe.
 

charli198632

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Private
Apr 20, 2017
4
0
0
9 weeks

This past Friday makes for 9 weeks. That is the absolute longest I have ever went. It is hard to form words to describe the odd sensations, leaking, and overall whirlwind of emotions. Kind of an in touch, out of touch confusion mixed with intense excitement. Not only the build up, but having someone else be in control is beyond words. I am definitely being pushed.
 

charli198632

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Private
Apr 20, 2017
4
0
0
Passed 10 Weeks

Friday was the official mark of 10 weeks which is far beyond what I had imaged being able to endure. This weekend also consisted of some failed communications which intensified the struggle as I am distinctly aware that I have not had an orgasm for a very long time So far, it is hard to consolidate what I had imaged verses the reality of now. There is this formidable device for which I invested in order to have a custom fit. Remarkably, it remains extremely comfortable except for the fact that it performs as designed. Somewhat too well. The other aspect is the psychological vs physical. When my body is begging, I can't give in. I can't just decided to cum. I have to wait or ask for permission. The other balance is that she is really enjoying that she is in control. I enjoy that she enjoys that aspect. So, there is a struggle I never expected in that I want her to enjoy to the point that I overlook the desire to cum. I really, excruciatingly want to release, but at the same time I have this desire to please. (If that makes sense). Which is a bit nerve racking. I have a growing increase to see her get from this what she needs even if it is a hard push where in I have to learn to endure. Hard to express in words
 

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