Kink Talk

Go Back   Kink Talk > Kinks > Femdom

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-19-2010, 05:21 PM
Agent Green's Avatar
Agent Green Agent Green is offline
Kink Talk Member
Straight - Male - Submissive
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 82
Blog Entries: 3
Agent Green is on a distinguished road
Question The Dominant & Submissive Paradox

I'm the process of beginning a new relationship with a girl and she recently spilled to me she is dominant. Her confession was not a surprise to me, but up until this moment our roles in the relationship were largely unspoken.

Durning our conversation she said something interesting that stuck me. She said she wanted to love me in her own way and dominate me with her own desires. She felt however that it was never truly possible. That in reality my desire to be submissive really meant I was always in control and that her domination could never really be true.

Can you truly dominate a man if his deepest desire is to please and submit? Or does there always exist a paradox were by the submissive is always somehow in control?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 10-26-2010, 03:32 PM
HaplessYouth's Avatar
HaplessYouth HaplessYouth is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Male - Private
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 26
HaplessYouth is on a distinguished road
Default

Yes, one could truely dominate a man who wants to be sumissive.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-28-2010, 04:29 AM
LadyLomion LadyLomion is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Female - Switch
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 20
LadyLomion is on a distinguished road
Default

There are levels of submission, and a wide variety of D/s relationship. For some mistresses, having a dutiful boy toodling along behind her is enough, all "Yes Madam. Of course Madam." is all it takes In fact to those the idea of having to force a man to do her bidding, or to genuinely humiliate or bully him would be unacceptably cruel to them.

Others need that level of edge to their D/s. They don't want to break a man that wants to be broken.

Lis x
__________________

Quality BDSM and fetish equipment in the north east of England.

www.cufflove.co.uk
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 10-29-2010, 12:27 AM
tempered_sugar's Avatar
tempered_sugar tempered_sugar is offline
Senior Kink Talk Member
Straight - Female - Submissive
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 178
tempered_sugar is on a distinguished road
Default

I wouldn't over think it. D/s isn't a science

So many people get wrapped up in the the rule making, the defining roles, the having contracts blah blah blah. Just have fun!! That is the whole point of D/s or BDSM, it isn't a lifestyle so just see what happens and enjoy yourselves
__________________
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
~William Shakespeare, Sonnet 130

Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 11-06-2010, 03:14 AM
hazzahslave hazzahslave is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Male - Slave
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2
hazzahslave is on a distinguished road
Default

I see where you are both coming from and you both have very valid points of view. However i believe that it is just different for different people, i think it is naive of sugar to think it is just about having fun, i mean i do agree, the inital point of D/s is to have fun but for many people it is much more because they feel it needs to be. for a lot of people D/s is a way of life because without being dominated they feel lost. But sticking to the question stated i would say, that a sub male can truly be dominated if it is done correctly, a way to do this would be maybe to actually punish him with something that he would never desire. he may always feel in control if he secretly wants his punishments.

H
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-06-2010, 05:51 PM
Chloe Chloe is offline
Moderator
Straight - Female - Private
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 285
Chloe is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Agent Green
Can you truly dominate a man if his deepest desire is to please and submit?
Yes, of course. Why not?

I know that, for some, the interest is to "break" the sub so to speak. To "make them" submit. But, the way I see it, this is just a kink. Some Dominants don't like having to do this and would rather prefer having someone who already will submit without any "force" needed. It's all just a matter of preference. In the end, there's no way that is better, as long as you find which one works for you two

Quote:
Originally Posted by tempered_sugar
So many people get wrapped up in the the rule making, the defining roles, the having contracts blah blah blah. Just have fun!! That is the whole point of D/s or BDSM, it isn't a lifestyle so just see what happens and enjoy yourselves
Sugar... I understand and agree, to some extent, with what you're saying... And, yes, some people do get "wrapped up" and become overwhelmed with what they hear or read on the internet, etc.

But please, understand that it can be very different for some other people. Rules, contracts and all that "blah blah" may not mean a lot to you but it certainly does for some others and can even be part of that "fun" you're talking about

And the whole point of D/s or BDSM can also be different for others too. And whether it is a lifestyle or not is really relative and, again, just a matter of preference *shrugs*

I could go on and more in details although it would take the thread a bit off-topic to the OP anyway... and I think you all get my point. It is all a matter of preference. Simply

So, back to the OP, just take your time with your partner (and yeah I agree with Sugar about not overthinking this). Remember that there is no way that is more real or true as long as what you're doing is what makes you happy and fulfilled
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-09-2010, 01:45 PM
tempered_sugar's Avatar
tempered_sugar tempered_sugar is offline
Senior Kink Talk Member
Straight - Female - Submissive
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 178
tempered_sugar is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by hazzahslave View Post
However i believe that it is just different for different people, i think it is naive of sugar to think it is just about having fun, i mean i do agree, the inital point of D/s is to have fun but for many people it is much more because they feel it needs to be. for a lot of people D/s is a way of life because without being dominated they feel lost.
H
I totally agree it is different for everyone but my comment was not naive it is based on my experience and the experiences of a lot of friends. Real life always gets in the way so no you can never fully dominate someone, that would be slavery and there is a reason most people disagree with it.

What I meant by having fun wasn't about anything sexual. When starting any relationship its about getting to know each other and having fun together (not everything is about sex/BDSM/Ds), exploring is part of that and exploring relationship dynamics can be a lot of fun. Going into something saying "I am a dominant and am going to expect and do x, y and z" is naive. Going in with your eyes wide open, knowing that you both want to explore is much more realistic and so much more interesting too.

I kept my previous reply short and to the point because I don't like to ramble on, clearly I needed to explain myself though.
__________________
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
~William Shakespeare, Sonnet 130

Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 02-26-2011, 11:10 PM
tiedguy51's Avatar
tiedguy51 tiedguy51 is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Male - Switch
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 8
tiedguy51 is on a distinguished road
Default

I think the submissive (male or female) gives up control the moment they submit to their Dom/Domme. The Dom/Domme has control from that point on and is free to do whatever they wish, within the parameters of their relationship. Some couples set limits, in which case the sub has some control (no pain, nothing public, etc). But even those limits can be exceeded by the Dom/Domme under certain circumstances.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-02-2011, 12:12 PM
Kegger Kegger is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Male - Dominant
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1
Kegger is on a distinguished road
Talking Looking for female slave must be over 18

If you are a female over the age of 18 and looking for a master Send me a pm must be willing to send pic's
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-04-2011, 05:58 AM
darelicious's Avatar
darelicious darelicious is offline
Kinky Newbie
Straight - Male - Switch
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 21
darelicious is on a distinguished road
Default Simple ansswer- yes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tempered_sugar View Post
I totally agree ...
Tempered_sugar's response sums it up nicely.
As a top, my actions/directions/interaction are largely based on those
activities I KNOW the sub I am dominating will enjoy... afterall, the sub's desire
is to engage in an activity that is satisfying to them, that fulfills them, and ergo.. enjoy. So, I always try to create scenarios and scenes that first, I
know my submissive will enjoy. And occasionally, when the mood is right,
take the submissive to a place that tests their limits.

So, who's in control? Yes, the submissive.
On the otherhand, what's in it for the dominant
- simple answer: I wouldn't be doing it if I wasn't also getting enjoyment...
__________________
Just one of my dark secrets.
http://kinktalk.com/talk/showthread.php?t=1385
Seriously, responses to this thread are appreciated, anytime, often.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
dominant, domination, femdom, paradox, submissive

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 06:17 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.