~imo
In my world, and to me, everything is energy, frequency, vibration and I can boil it down to just, electrical circuits you form with each other, that are connected through sex that we build up and expel into each other.
I see BDSM as the capacity to charge up these circuits before the main game. Vanilla people, have either perfect circuits or not able to take high charges prior, and all the kinks are dedicated circuits that are shortcuts, some people they are only circuit that works. Is it a spectrum of circuits.
I know sounds silly but have an Engineering background.
Anyway, let's try using love language wording,
Acts of service, will actually work both ways, when you read up about it, all you tend to hear about is you should do things for them to communicate you love them. While this true, what it fails to say is someone with Acts of Service, when they are full then they start using this for you and do these things for you too. This is how it can fit with a submissive, and this is really not unusual, to see this quality in them. Hopefully, you should be able to see how it fits a submissive profile. Love languages are cheat sheet to love, but don't determine D/s status of a person at all. You have to remember you go looking for love languages often when you hit the problem, not when you know how it runs when it's all working. To me, she is saying I have nothing to give, and that is fair. I'm sure you feel the same.
For yourself it's words of affirmation, and you give them, if you were getting them more easily than when you are not. Also, quite rare to see anyway with only love language, the first three typically matter.
You should also be aware, any true submissive are very far from weak, they are a powerful singular energy source, they understand that through their submission they can provide an energy into the relationship for the people in that relationship. Dominance is just the required opposing force (so pick one as the negative and the other as the positive in an electrical circuit, it really doesn't matter who is who, a circuit needs both). Neither work without the other, and some people carry both types of energy or any combination, are with circuits to receive these types of energy and/or provide it.
The D/s is the raw positive/negative energy forces.
The SM side could be said to be the intensity charge or capacity levels between the two.
The Kink side is dedicated circuits that are easily excited when charged, or they can be only circuits in existence.
The mix of what someone has is the uniqueness of them, and we are all very complex circuits.
A simple circuit connection, is deep enough, but vibration and frequency are conceptually important matters as well.
How often you require your circuits charged is frequency.
Vibration is the after effect of the connection you made, how full you are in love from the exchange. Love languages ~imo is about this and about creating desire for your main game. It's maintenance in the downtime.
Jumping back now to Love Languages, I really like the cup analogy that is often used, you're pouring water (love) into them by providing them acts of service. However, you're skipping that both of your cups have been sabotaged from life, mistakes, and time together, each having unresolved issues. These events put holes in your cups and make it extremely hard to feel full for long, no matter how much of the love languages you pour into it. The holes drain it.
So I'm saying you have to stop the connection (sex) and look at repairing the holes, using love language (typical analogues) or if I use my belief system, energy, frequency, and vibration. You need to repair the very circuits the energy travels on because the wiring itself has a high resistance, that is too high for the charge you provide to each other.
A flip of energy is a ~imo a warning sign, say if the submissive is 100%. Something would be super wrong, when in a natural state the circuit feeds only on the other type of energy. While these extreme circuits exist (and very glad they do), you need to consider it more like a protection mechanism within the circuits, when they are unable to accept the type of energy offered, they change their state. You either find you have other circuits that work, or both of you have a problem.
As said in my first post, you have to look at repairing the circuits, and communication is the key to that. I'm not going to pretend that it is easy. It is not, all you both can do is try.
Summary:-
Love languages are a way to increase vibration time in between connection of them, and however you choose to do it but when the circuits themselves are all resistive to the energy given, you have to repair. D/s is types of energy, one positive and other negative.
Using the circuits of connection or using broken circuits, with or without partial repair, leads to their failure. Most will read this as sex, and this may be correct.
Repair comes through working together through the list of issues using communication, and it may need new tools, such as active listening. Circuit repair can be done. Need to account for and repair the resistance in circuits. You may need to make new ones together.
Rabbit holes of circular argument where both have valid point(s) or strongly different views need to be understood fully by each and some form of repair done or acceptance done. Without entrenching your positions.
You have to find your way to 'Hell yes' again for connection of the circuits. You can't force that. It takes time and effort from you both. This is a powerful way to repairing things in meaningful ways, did I mention, no sex.
Sadly sometimes these circuits can't be repaired with each other, and this itself will cause each of you pain, it is the process of failure and pointless to assign blame. Love and Pain are the only true teachers in our lives, and each a polar opposite are important.
More sadly, is when two people accept this and still stay together, becoming further extreme to each other in the process.
I really wish you both, energy to find and fix the circuits.
I also hope making sense here for you or other readers, this is the first time I have put into words my belief system, and it is still evolving creature to put in words for me.
