Advice for a rusty Dom

[IfritLeonheart]

So, it's been a long while since I've really tried to take the role of dominant once more, so I've somewhat lost my touch. Are there any experienced dominants out there that could perhaps help me with the simple things that are basically required for this? Like a simple set of rules that can easily be adaptable into almost every submissives lives? Female dommes or female submissives/slaves can also comment and help out here. The more the merrier. I've been told that I'm a little soft and unconfident when it comes to being a dominant, so there's also another bit that you can perhaps advice me on improving on being more confident and harsher when necessary.

Looking forward to the people here trying to help this rusty dom.

 

[SubMissChievous]

The only thing that is required for someone to be dominant is the willingness to be the one in charge in a relationship. There are no right way or wrong way besides that, really. The key is to know why you want to be dominant and what you want out of a D/s relationship.

Also not every doms are harsh and not every subs like the "cruel, mean and harsh" type either. So whatever everyone else told you is more than likely an incompatibility issue. One can certainly hold an authority position without barking orders right and left. It's would think it's best that you be yourself rather than trying to fit some stereotype if that is not your style.

Confidence, on the other hand, can be an issue and that often improves with experience and knowledge. So the best way you can gain some is to educate yourself and talk with a lot of people and not just potential partners. Read a lot and make like-minded friends even if just online

 

[Doctor Pervert]

The confidence thing is probably the most important in my mind, having conviction of action projects that confidence and builds trust in a sub.
If a sub doesn't trust you, that you know what you are doing, it is going to be very difficult for her to hand over that control that is so central.

The only really practical advice I can give on how to grow that confidence is to start small, don't overreach your capabilities. So perhaps rather than trying to take on a sub full time start part time or with casual tasks. Every time you set a successful task or have a good online session will build your confidence and also build the respect of the subs you play with.

A good analogy is in the service delivery field, "always exceed the customer's expectation". The way to do this is not promise something you can't deliver. So for instance "plumber A" lets say could promise to arrive in 45 minutes to fix your leak, if it then takes 2 hours for him to show you are disappointed. "Plumber B" on the other hand tells you he'll be there within 3 hours, when he turns up after 2 you are happy!
The difference is "B" didn't promise something he couldn't deliver, in fact he probably knew he could make it in 2 but gave himself some breathing space just in case.

There is no magic wand or secret set of tasks that works as "one size fits all", you have to find what you're good at and work from there. But above all don't promise a sub something you can't deliver, that will harm your reputation and kick your confidence in the balls!