Advice

[lestat221]

Does anyone else ever run into problems with a switch lifestyle? How do you balance it? I guess I'm having troubles matching what my wife wants to what I want. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[stephpoet]

I don't, but that's because I'm almost completely submissive. I only domme when my Master commands me to.

 

[lestat221]

See, that seems to negate the whole process (for me at least). Because you're ORDERED to take charge, it's not something you inherently want to do. I dunno

 

[EnglishGuy]

I think the problem you are having is your not really a switch! you are a sub who is required to be a Dom sometimes.

Is your wife the same? is she a sub deep down that plays Dom for you?

If thats the case you need a true Dom so that you can both be sub, be it a male female or couple.

 

[green]

I agree with english guy. Maybe you are just a sub. Maybe one night your the sub and it cant be switched then the next night your the dome. Then you could see what you fitted into more. Im a switch and I enjoy both sides of a s and m relationship and I understand that halfway through a night you dont want to jump from a sub to a dome it doesnt feel right.

 

[lestat221]

I thought that too, but I realized that sometimes when i daydream, I would be in charge. I do enjoy the feeling of control, it just comes out less than my submissive side. For example, I decided to write two stories for my wife, one where I'm in control and one where she is. Both stories made me extremely aroused and I still read them whenever I feel the need to *ahem* relieve stress.

Besides, my wife's loyalty is one of my favorite things about her... I can trust her completely, and she trusts me with her mind, body, and heart. So I gladly (and enjoyingly) take charge. If only for the ways i make her moan

 

[rumen]

I would try to even them out. I mean, one time do what your wife wants, the other time do
your thing

 

[tempered_sugar]

Been meaning to reply to this and keep forgetting :s

Anyway have you thought maybe as both of you enjoy switching that you should just go with the flow and see what mood you are both in? Mr P does things that would be considered submissive like he'll do a bit of foot worship on me then follow it up with a spanking. You don't have to pigeon hole your-selves. If she feels like being the Dominant one for one act then wants something submissive after theres nothing wrong with that. Same for you. If you want to kneel at her feet then follow it up with making her moan like you said again theres nothing wrong with that.

As the sub you want to please the Dominant so that can include taking controll for a little while Don't feel pressured to be Dom/sub for the entire play session. Just go with what you both want, this can be a fun power struggle as well while you figure out whos going to take controll first or for one perticular bit

 

[lydiab6]

I agree with tempered_sugar, it doesn't have to be a solid relationship with each person well defined into what 'has to happen'. What you are doing, has to be what you want to be doing, otherwise it won't work, and no one will be happy. A lot of what you read online segments everyone into groups. This person likes this, therefore they have to do that all the time to be happy, is a mentality that doesn't work, especially while you are still exploring what you like in the first place.

Having said that, I think that the best advise is to live in the moment. Discus how you are feeling at the time you are feeling it, and make sure that you both have a sense of what the other wants/needs. Play, have fun, and enjoy yourselves. Find your own rhythm of what works, and try not to worry about what others are doing.

Good Luck!

 

[MNM]

Communication and Disclosure Are Key

I agree. In order for a relationship to succeed and for all parties to feel respected and valued, you must have full disclosure, open communication and feel free to be honest about your feelings.

 

[always.]

I am switch.. My slave & I have switched back & forth quite a few times in the last 3 years; I was originally a sub, but have been a dom consistently for about 6 months now, I think? we went through a long stage of going back & forth like daily or weekly..but we've kept our roles we have now for quite a while & we're pretty confortable with it now; it took me a while to get into dominating him at first after being a sub for so long; he was a much stricter master than I ever will be; He has permission to dom. me by surprise for one full day at some point, but he hasn't done it yet; I dont really feel an overwhelming need to "balance" my sub & dom side... things just work out; Sometimes I wonder if we are both truely subs, because at the end of the day I think we would both put eachother's happiness before our own. any way you slice it, I just enjoy the exchange of power & it really depends on my mood & mind set & how much you provoke me, as to which end of that power exchange I want to be on. anyway you slice it, I just love everything about it; Sexually, I think of him as my other half.

 

[cfnm_patient]

It's been a problem for me because in general I've got a dominante nature and have been in the lifestyle as a Dom for over eight years.
But there are a few things I like to do serving in the roleas a sub/slave so I consider myself a switch.
Finding a compatible partner has been a problem. For one the D/s communtiy in my area is on the secretive side. Next is finding someone in my area or that wants to relocate with similar interests.

 

[always.]

If I had to pick, I would say Im a little more submissive; I am not nearly as experienced as you, I've had the same slave/master for 3 years now.. but just online, my in person experience is minimal, though when it gets to that, I'll be extremely prepared; I am switch because Im just truely undecided as to what I want & still unsure if I will ever settle permanently into one or the other in the future.

 

[wakesadam]

lets talk about it more.pm me

 

[andrei]

why don't just talk with your wife proposing your ideas? Really, you would be amazed if she accepts some.