Agony

lorelei

Not so kinky
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
May 6, 2017
4
0
0
#1
I had my first Dom 4 years ago and I ran away because he scared me and hurt my soul too much and i went to pursue a vanilla relationship.

Well, I am not satisfied and sent an e-mail to my prior dom asking how are you. He is still angry with me, said "Do me a favor and don't reach out to me again."

and all I want now is to reply saying, "your words cut me more deeply than you will ever know. I suppose asking you to punish me for my insolence is out of the question."

But I'm scared. What should I do?

😢
 

Xxxbe

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Submissive
Jul 18, 2016
6
0
1
#2
You shouldn't go back to him.
He doesn't seem like someone you can trust.
You might search for a new dom when you are ready to do so.
Just make sure you're save.
Hope this helped.
 

lorelei

Not so kinky
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
May 6, 2017
4
0
0
#3
I trustee him before... he never physically "hurt" me (he always responded to my safe word) but things became too emotionally intense for me.

And now, I think the fear of whether or not he truly is angry with me is quite exciting... but... I am afraid.

I'm not very experienced with this so I'm not sure how to handle these feelings.
 

droptokon

Omnipotent Grand Vizier
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Staff member
May 19, 2013
1,004
76
48
Perth WA
#4
Perhaps he is genuinely angry, after all if he managed to build that much intensity with you he must have put in a lot of effort, to just pull out of that suddenly can cause quite a wrench.
Ultimately you need to think of this just like any other relationship, Doms are not super human they have emotions just like everyone else, would you turn around and ask a vanilla ex to take you back?
 

lorelei

Not so kinky
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
May 6, 2017
4
0
0
#5
Perhaps he is genuinely angry, after all if he managed to build that much intensity with you he must have put in a lot of effort, to just pull out of that suddenly can cause quite a wrench.
Ultimately you need to think of this just like any other relationship, Doms are not super human they have emotions just like everyone else, would you turn around and ask a vanilla ex to take you back?
You're right. I didn't want him to take me back though. I just wanted pain because I feel I have earned it for hurting him. You're right though. I just need to get my feelings out about it and this thread is helping.

I don't get sexual pleasure from pain. It's more emotional release for me. Thank you guys for talking me down off the ledge.
 

droptokon

Omnipotent Grand Vizier
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Staff member
May 19, 2013
1,004
76
48
Perth WA
#6
Ah interesting! So you were actually wanting his anger at you as a kind of punishment. Thats not a good or healthy thing, one golden rule of bdsm is never play angry, thats when real harm can be done. I hope (assume) he knows this which is probably at least part of why he cautioned you off.
 

lorelei

Not so kinky
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Submissive
May 6, 2017
4
0
0
#7
Ah interesting! So you were actually wanting his anger at you as a kind of punishment. Thats not a good or healthy thing, one golden rule of bdsm is never play angry, thats when real harm can be done. I hope (assume) he knows this which is probably at least part of why he cautioned you off.
Yes... probably true. I just wish I could tell him how sorry I am... but it's best to just let sleeping dogs lie... i still crave that closure though... even if some of my ideas of achieving such closure are unhealthy... 😭
 

selina_kyle

Banned
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Dominant
Feb 5, 2015
72
0
0
#8
Well, he has a right to feel what he feels, and I understand it affects you BUT wanting his anger to get pan in a way is not healthy like the good Dr pointed.
If you do not want him back, then why did you contacted him? Would it be healthier to pursue someone who can cater to what your current needs are?