Are these red flags?

[lowla]

I’m very new to BDSM/Kinks, all my past sexual relationships have been very vanilla. Ive been seeing this guy for the past few months, and he is into a ton of different things. femdom/mommy/sph/degredation/cuckolding.... and others. Im open minded and have been having fun learning about and trying all these different kinks.

one of the things he has expressed liking about me is that i dont think his kinks are weird and i accept him. Which, yea of course. I care about him and wouldn’t judge.
Recently we have discussed incest. as role play between the two of us, i’m into it. Since this conversation, hes been a lot more open with me. He mentioned being into the idea of women in his life (mom, stepmom, sister) being fucked by a bbc and i was like okay thats okay I guess.
Then he mentioned that he came out to his sister (he is Pan) and told her he liked bbc, and her sister is dating a black guy and i guess she told him her bf had a huge dick. He said he heard them having sex one day, and it made him really hard.

We were sexting, and it kind of started to shift towards incest role play and he said something along the lines of wanting me and his sister to take turns sitting on his face. Then he asked if id make him eat his sisters pussy. I was kind of taken aback, and kind of re directed the convo to something I was more comfortable with it couldve just been a heat of the moment horny thing.

Today though, we were talking about small penis humiliation, and he asked if he could tell me something. Of course i said yes. he told me that he told his step mom, mom, sister, and dad he had a small penis. He was asking the women if they’d ever seen a penis that small, and was asking if girls would still like him. He also told me he paid his sister to make fun of him. And all that kind of seemed... to cross a line for me? I guess that getting his family involved directly seems different than.... fantasy.

The tough thing is that we are more than fuck buddies and have expressed that we love eachother. We were going to start dating within the next few weeks, so im feeling really confused and honestly very stressed. Are these normal behaviors? Am i over reacting? Or are these giant red flags?

 

[Sweex]

To me a lot of things are maybe wierd but not necessarily a red flagg, having an "extreem" fantasy is allowed.

But you mentioned that you felt uncomfortable talking about it. Have you told him that? If you did and he keep going on about it or keeps pushing it, that to me is a red flag. If you didn't you should talk to him about it.

I don't mean that he shouldn't tell you what his fantasies are but if those make you uncomfortable you sould be able to tell him that and he should respect that.

Good communication, honesty and repect are very important in a relation ship if one or more are missing it isn't a good relationship.

 

[subzzzero]

Clothes on sober adult discussion between the two of you is needed. Set limits boundaries etc. Regardless of your role in the dynamic you can always say no. And if he cares about you he should respect the no’s. Set those hard limits and avoid any future issues where it crosses a line with your comfort level. The other issue would be address you don’t want his family involved in your kink life. No mentions of them by name or titles and no telling them about what y’all do or including them on things that are kink related.
all in all he sounds like he’s bullshitting pure roleplay fantasy but if he really is including the family then tell him it’s not your thing.

 

[garry0993]

Personally my understand kinky thing is to do weird things with the person you like who also like those things.

At least he is being up front with you about his kinks and what not and that is good.

But, and this is very important.

Do what you feel is comfortable. If you don't like his kink, you don't need to put up with it. There is a difference between not judge and not like his kinks. For example I don't enjoy scat and any femdom kink but I won't judge the person who like this, that stays within line of consent and legal. You don't feel comfortable into what he likes doesn't automatically make you the bad person who is judgy. It's just you might be into different kink than his and that is totally fine.

If you think whatever is crossed the line, sit down with him and talk, out of play context and as a grown up to another. If he changes, you proceed, if he ignores your opinion you stop seeing him.

 

[Instructor411]

It's not a red flag but more emotional baggage you worry about.

As I read it he didn't show any signs that should make you feel he isn't serious to be in a (kink) relationship. He asks if he can share some of his deepest fantasies or even experiences (w/o how accurate these story might be). Willing to share and open up to be vulnerable is the opposite of a red flag.

I don't write it to judge you. What you are worrying is that you don't know if you aren't as "open minded" as you thought of yourself. Realising that you are not okay with everything and if you comprimise on this ground you might give up something of yourself and your values.

You should assess what you want from a kink relationship and what you are willing to give. After these couple of months it seems as for you the honeymoon period is over and now that you thinking of dating the situation got real. You have enjoyed having power over him and be bossy. But now permanently setting bounderies for him? Keeping him chaste while you have to flirt with other men and tease him that you talked with his sister about him... Would you want to try keeping vanilla life and bedroom life seperate? Can he not live the lifestyle 24/7?

In my opinion it's not the question of a red flag but do you want to go further in that direction.

 

[Lion Daddy]

This fellow is violating some serious boundaries for his kink and its not okay.

 

[silentloveslave]

Look he's either going to end up revealing he's got a cuck fetish (why else would he get hard to his own sister fucking........ ) or you're going to come home to three Tyrones ready to run train. Get out before it's too late

 

[StormyDungeons]

I’m very new to BDSM/Kinks, all my past sexual relationships have been very vanilla. Ive been seeing this guy for the past few months, and he is into a ton of different things. femdom/mommy/sph/degredation/cuckolding.... and others. Im open minded and have been having fun learning about and trying all these different kinks.

one of the things he has expressed liking about me is that i dont think his kinks are weird and i accept him. Which, yea of course. I care about him and wouldn’t judge.
Recently we have discussed incest. as role play between the two of us, i’m into it. Since this conversation, hes been a lot more open with me. He mentioned being into the idea of women in his life (mom, stepmom, sister) being fucked by a bbc and i was like okay thats okay I guess.
Then he mentioned that he came out to his sister (he is Pan) and told her he liked bbc, and her sister is dating a black guy and i guess she told him her bf had a huge dick. He said he heard them having sex one day, and it made him really hard.

We were sexting, and it kind of started to shift towards incest role play and he said something along the lines of wanting me and his sister to take turns sitting on his face. Then he asked if id make him eat his sisters pussy. I was kind of taken aback, and kind of re directed the convo to something I was more comfortable with it couldve just been a heat of the moment horny thing.

Today though, we were talking about small penis humiliation, and he asked if he could tell me something. Of course i said yes. he told me that he told his step mom, mom, sister, and dad he had a small penis. He was asking the women if they’d ever seen a penis that small, and was asking if girls would still like him. He also told me he paid his sister to make fun of him. And all that kind of seemed... to cross a line for me? I guess that getting his family involved directly seems different than.... fantasy.

The tough thing is that we are more than fuck buddies and have expressed that we love eachother. We were going to start dating within the next few weeks, so im feeling really confused and honestly very stressed. Are these normal behaviors? Am i over reacting? Or are these giant red flags?

Red flag city.

I attended The Kinsey Institute. We studied tons of sexual behaviors and their roots.

1 thing stood out = almost everyone has 1 primary THING that becomes their driving fetish, kink, or fantasy.

Your guy has endless ones and this could indicate a legitimate mental disorder. This is no joke and meant to give honest appraisal.

If incest fantasy was his thing aka only thing, you might dismiss it as among common fantasy wares and just do fantasy role play.

But hes all over the place. You at some point are going to be dragged through an endless hell that is his personal alice in wonderland.

You may not want to judge but this is not possible because as different as fetish/fantasy/kink world is = THERE ARE STILL RULES.

There are also reprocussions and real world consequences.

Educate yourself and avoid being ignorant. Then become PRACTICALLY ASSERTIVE.

That allows for discussion and musing without pushing into shark infested waters so as to speak.

My gut tells me he is closetted gay but building smoke screens to mask this from himself. At some point he may just wake up one day deciding hes gay and you are then out.

I say that because = hes super fixated on penis as opposed to more common erotic fascination.

I’m very new to BDSM/Kinks, all my past sexual relationships have been very vanilla. Ive been seeing this guy for the past few months, and he is into a ton of different things. femdom/mommy/sph/degredation/cuckolding.... and others. Im open minded and have been having fun learning about and trying all these different kinks.

one of the things he has expressed liking about me is that i dont think his kinks are weird and i accept him. Which, yea of course. I care about him and wouldn’t judge.
Recently we have discussed incest. as role play between the two of us, i’m into it. Since this conversation, hes been a lot more open with me. He mentioned being into the idea of women in his life (mom, stepmom, sister) being fucked by a bbc and i was like okay thats okay I guess.
Then he mentioned that he came out to his sister (he is Pan) and told her he liked bbc, and her sister is dating a black guy and i guess she told him her bf had a huge dick. He said he heard them having sex one day, and it made him really hard.

We were sexting, and it kind of started to shift towards incest role play and he said something along the lines of wanting me and his sister to take turns sitting on his face. Then he asked if id make him eat his sisters pussy. I was kind of taken aback, and kind of re directed the convo to something I was more comfortable with it couldve just been a heat of the moment horny thing.

Today though, we were talking about small penis humiliation, and he asked if he could tell me something. Of course i said yes. he told me that he told his step mom, mom, sister, and dad he had a small penis. He was asking the women if they’d ever seen a penis that small, and was asking if girls would still like him. He also told me he paid his sister to make fun of him. And all that kind of seemed... to cross a line for me? I guess that getting his family involved directly seems different than.... fantasy.

The tough thing is that we are more than fuck buddies and have expressed that we love eachother. We were going to start dating within the next few weeks, so im feeling really confused and honestly very stressed. Are these normal behaviors? Am i over reacting? Or are these giant red flags?

RED FLAG CITY.

You already know this via = A TON OF DIFFERENT THINGS.

I attended The Kinsey Institute for Advanced Sexual Research.

We studied all sorts of things and their reasons for being.

1 thing stood out as totally common = all persons have/tend towards 1 primary kink, fetish, or fantasy.

Having 2 or 3 over a lifetime is normal or even at the same time for short terms.

Your guy simply has = ISSUES and really needs therapy to dig into his head and sort some things out.

Its no small thing to consider several major serial killers had almost exact matching descriptions especially in regards to living in humility as a child and basically imasculated.

That may be a demon lurking do proceed cautiously.

You say you dont want to judge but thats impossible because even in the worlds of kink, fantasy, and fetish = THERE ARE RULES, STANDARDS, AND GUIDELINES.

You might be surprised to discover for example of bdsm just how organised and controlled it is. Dungeons may be involved and old world tools and methods, however the actual DARK AGES IT IS NOT.

So your judgrment needs to start at his actual mental state as he could be autistic, or schizophrenic in which case you know hes no brewing serial killer but may need practical meds and therapy.

Any 1 item you described would be fine or even 2. You named around a dozen = THAT IS SIMPLY NOT NORMAL.

I think you know this already and is why you are here asking.

Personally i suspect he is closetted gay. He is creating these alterior things to mask this from himself.

The telling sign = his obsession with big penises. Many guys may have an admiration for, or even an erotic preclusion toward those without it ever being an obsession.

Also he is clearly leaning towards a femine side, including depreciation of his own penis meaning further = a sex change may be in his future as the final solution.

That would actually adress 90% of all things you described and could be his answer.

Just consider these and try to avoid being dragged into the living hell that is his own personal alice in wonderland.

Hes probably normal but in a purely transgender way which is a pretty good thing considering the alternative choices.