For a submissive, BDSM is a practice of handing over the care of your body to another. One of the things that many BDSM lovers say drew them to BDSM is that it is the ultimate experience of trust. When you are in a BDSM scene or in a relationship, you need to be able to both trust your partner and be trustworthy. Without that dynamic, you might not be able to create a safe relationship that is fulfilling to the both of you.
Far too many submissives jump into play and/or choose to serve a Dominant who they don’t even know. Remember that as a submissive you will potentially be putting yourself into very vulnerable positions. If you do this with the wrong person there is a chance that terrible things could occur. If you know nothing about a Dominant’s personal life and you would not trust them to hold your purse for a few minutes, then whatever you do, do not trust them with your life and your submission.
Before you jump into the dungeon together, get to know each other on choutside of the dungeon first. The more you talk with each other, the more you will begin to see if you are a good fit and if you trust them to handle a flogger around you. Even when you get a strange feeling about someone else, listen to it. Much of the time that odd feeling is valid for a reason.
Most importantly, trust is earned not given! To earn trust takes time, so take your time before choosing to submit. What makes BDSM so intense is that you share a very vulnerable moment of your life with someone special and trustworthy. Those types of people do not come along everyday, which is why it can be so intense.
BDSM is fun, but it’s also serious play. You need to make sure that you can hand over your body to someone else and that another person is comfortable accepting the control and responsibility over you. While they might seem as though they are having a good time, just as in any relationship, without trust, you don’t have a true partnership.
When you are in bondage, there is nothing that you can physically do to stop another person from assaulting you. That is a fact! That is what makes bondage so powerful yet scary at the same time. If done with the right person, it helps to build upon the trust you have already established. If done with the wrong person, it can have serious consequences.
Every time you allow another person to wield any kind of BDSM implement against you, you have to trust that this person knows what they are doing, will respect your limits and will stop once you say you have had enough. Otherwise, the consequences can be traumatizing.
This may seem a bit extreme to some, however your safety is of the utmost importance. So taking the time necessary to learn about your potential Dominant and making sure they are trustworthy is an essential part of that.
Remember mistrusting the wrong person only needs to happen once.
1) To help you better determine if a potential Dominant will be worth your time to submit too.
2) To help enhance any form of play or training you decide to take part in.
3) To help protect you from potentially dangerous situations.
This is the last part that I want to focus on now. Safety should be your number one concern at all times. Far too many submissives put all their trust into a Dominant and forget to trust themselves and their own common sense.
In a perfect world, W/we should all be able to trust one another implicitly. However, because the world is not perfect you must remember even though you may trust your Dominant that does not mean mistakes can’t happen or that the Dominant you are training under just might not know any better. Therefore you must not depend on your Dominant to look after your safety. Of course, a responsible Dominant will look after your safety but that does not mean you should then completely neglect it.
If you ever feel at any time that you are not in a safe situation or you are just uncomfortable with the situation it is your responsibility to stop the situation at once.
You are always responsible for your own safety!
Can You Trust Your Partner?
When you’re first meeting a new partner, you need to make sure that you trust them. Many people you meet through friends are going to be more trustworthy than others, but when you meet someone who is a stranger, you will find that they are harder to judge. This is why it’s so important that you do not play with someone or submit to anybody that you do not 80% trust.Far too many submissives jump into play and/or choose to serve a Dominant who they don’t even know. Remember that as a submissive you will potentially be putting yourself into very vulnerable positions. If you do this with the wrong person there is a chance that terrible things could occur. If you know nothing about a Dominant’s personal life and you would not trust them to hold your purse for a few minutes, then whatever you do, do not trust them with your life and your submission.
Before you jump into the dungeon together, get to know each other on choutside of the dungeon first. The more you talk with each other, the more you will begin to see if you are a good fit and if you trust them to handle a flogger around you. Even when you get a strange feeling about someone else, listen to it. Much of the time that odd feeling is valid for a reason.
Most importantly, trust is earned not given! To earn trust takes time, so take your time before choosing to submit. What makes BDSM so intense is that you share a very vulnerable moment of your life with someone special and trustworthy. Those types of people do not come along everyday, which is why it can be so intense.
How to Establish Trust
Once you’ve decided that someone else is worthy of your trust, you will want to make sure that this is actually the case. You will want to begin by talking to each other outside of the bedroom. This will help you see if they are able to do things that you expect them to do. For example, if they say that they are going to be at a certain place at a certain time, they should be. Of course, this goes both ways. You also need to show that you are a trustworthy person. Listen to them to see if their stories make sense, if they are willing to share things with you, and whether they treat others well. When you begin to get to know the other person, you will be able to more accurately measure their trustworthiness. There is no ‘time’ when you should invite someone back to the bedroom, but the longer you wait the better off you will be.What To Look For
There is no 100% foolproof method to determine if a person is trustworthy or not. Only time can truly tell. However, there are a few things you can lookout for when getting to know a new Dominant.- Do their words match their actions:They say they respect people but they are rude to others when you go out together.
- They have no interest in getting to know you: All they ever want to talk about is BDSM, your submission and how you will serve them. A serious Dominant can only truly dominate a submissive when they understand who the submissive is as a person. Whereas, most fakers or flakes will want to get a submissive to serve right away. The reason is they are only interested in their own desires and only see you as a thing instead of a person.
- They believe every submissive is below them: They think because a person has choosen to be submissive that they should treat them with respect even when they do not treat the submissive with any respect in return.
- Do they understand a submissive can not serve without trust: If a Dominant constantly talks about meeting alone and having the sub serve them as soon as possible, then you know right away they have zero interest in proving they are trustworthy. Chances are because they are not trustworthy. Any serious Dominant knows it takes a long time to build trust with a sub before they will ever feel comfortable serving.
When Trust is Lost
In the dungeon, trust is something that is implied, but that doesn’t mean everyone always plays fair. You need to make sure that when trust is lost in the bedroom that you take action to repair it or you find a new partner. For example, if a partner doesn’t stop when you use a safeword, you need to stop the scene and talk about why that happened. If they apologize and they never do it again, then it was a simple mistake. But if they continue to go beyond your limits, for example, then you need to make sure that you stop the relationship. At the same time, you need to make sure that you are vocal in telling your Dominant when enough is enough.BDSM is fun, but it’s also serious play. You need to make sure that you can hand over your body to someone else and that another person is comfortable accepting the control and responsibility over you. While they might seem as though they are having a good time, just as in any relationship, without trust, you don’t have a true partnership.
Why Is Trust Important?
If you put your trust into the hands of the wrong person, they can seriously hurt, injure and/or harm you, both mentally and physically.When you are in bondage, there is nothing that you can physically do to stop another person from assaulting you. That is a fact! That is what makes bondage so powerful yet scary at the same time. If done with the right person, it helps to build upon the trust you have already established. If done with the wrong person, it can have serious consequences.
Every time you allow another person to wield any kind of BDSM implement against you, you have to trust that this person knows what they are doing, will respect your limits and will stop once you say you have had enough. Otherwise, the consequences can be traumatizing.
This may seem a bit extreme to some, however your safety is of the utmost importance. So taking the time necessary to learn about your potential Dominant and making sure they are trustworthy is an essential part of that.
Remember mistrusting the wrong person only needs to happen once.
Who Is Responsible For Your Safety
There are a few reasons why W/we are discussing trust in this part of the minicourse:1) To help you better determine if a potential Dominant will be worth your time to submit too.
2) To help enhance any form of play or training you decide to take part in.
3) To help protect you from potentially dangerous situations.
This is the last part that I want to focus on now. Safety should be your number one concern at all times. Far too many submissives put all their trust into a Dominant and forget to trust themselves and their own common sense.
In a perfect world, W/we should all be able to trust one another implicitly. However, because the world is not perfect you must remember even though you may trust your Dominant that does not mean mistakes can’t happen or that the Dominant you are training under just might not know any better. Therefore you must not depend on your Dominant to look after your safety. Of course, a responsible Dominant will look after your safety but that does not mean you should then completely neglect it.
If you ever feel at any time that you are not in a safe situation or you are just uncomfortable with the situation it is your responsibility to stop the situation at once.
You are always responsible for your own safety!
