I`d want to try bondage stuff with my wife but as I mentioned in the bra thread she has claustrophobia, so I`ve been trying to do some research on this but most stuff I`d seen look rather painful and my goal is more on restraint not to hurt her I don`t think either of us would like that. I wanna try the rope bra thing but not make it overly tight and I also saw some sort of a simple body harness type thing but where to go from there. She`s a bit husky so something like tying her elbows together is not going to work. We have some wrist straps we`ve never actually tried and I have some quick cargo tie downs to use as easily adjustable/releasable ropes between the straps and a tie point as well as 10m of soft rope. Ideas?
beginner questions
- Thread starter Oddball Matt
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If you are looking only to restrain but not inflict much pain, you can try hand cuffs, chain lock etc.
Need to understand more, how you would like to derive the fun.
I played with someone who likes to cuff her in different position and lock the key away for certain time. She has cuffs for both hands and feet.
Need to understand more, how you would like to derive the fun.
I played with someone who likes to cuff her in different position and lock the key away for certain time. She has cuffs for both hands and feet.
For anyone who is even a little claustrophobic bondage becomes a tricky deal. In my experience though if you keep the bindings all in front so they are visible to her this really seems to help. So wrists only tied in front, soft rope is also good as it's more comfortable and less scary than things like metal handcuffs. The soft, velcro type wrist cuffs also work ok but try to avoid anything that looks or feels harsh.
You have to remember that a lot of what you do in bdsm is creating a headspace so how things look and feel is just as important as how they're used.
The body harness (was it the one I posted here?) is a good idea however be sure to keep the wraps around the upper body at a reasonable tension, just tight enough to hold the shape as that chest constriction can feel a bit weird to some people.
You also probably want to stick to lying upwards on a bed, sitting or standing to begin with, avoid kneeling and anything face down or where vision and/or breathing may be impacted. I have a primer here on using rope that covers pretty much everything you need to know about getting started.
A few of simple things worth trying out,
And finally stay safe, ensure you have good strong scissors on hand (bandage scissors are best, you'll find these in the primer I linked) as you never know when a knot will get overtight and refuse to undo. It's also a lot faster if panic does set in to cut the ropes off quickly, speed is vital to prevent it getting out of hand.
I'd also suggest you both read up a bit prior to getting into things, this one on consent will fill some gaps you might not be aware of and this safety discussion cover pretty much everything you'll need to get going.
You have to remember that a lot of what you do in bdsm is creating a headspace so how things look and feel is just as important as how they're used.
The body harness (was it the one I posted here?) is a good idea however be sure to keep the wraps around the upper body at a reasonable tension, just tight enough to hold the shape as that chest constriction can feel a bit weird to some people.
You also probably want to stick to lying upwards on a bed, sitting or standing to begin with, avoid kneeling and anything face down or where vision and/or breathing may be impacted. I have a primer here on using rope that covers pretty much everything you need to know about getting started.
A few of simple things worth trying out,
- A chair tie, sitting in a chair with arm rests tie down wrists to the arms and feet to the legs
- Classic spread eagle, on a bed wrists and ankles pulled to each corner
- Sitting on a bed, tie wrists to ankles then spread to bottom corners
- Lying near the edge of a bed, knees up, tie wrists to ankles and spread
And finally stay safe, ensure you have good strong scissors on hand (bandage scissors are best, you'll find these in the primer I linked) as you never know when a knot will get overtight and refuse to undo. It's also a lot faster if panic does set in to cut the ropes off quickly, speed is vital to prevent it getting out of hand.
I'd also suggest you both read up a bit prior to getting into things, this one on consent will fill some gaps you might not be aware of and this safety discussion cover pretty much everything you'll need to get going.
Thanks for the replies, I'll look into the links with proper thought later on. Droptokon it wasn't that exact harness I found elsewhere but basically a variation of it yes. I was thinking maybe combine the bra thing but do it pretty lightly with a bottom part of the harness thing?
The thing is she's said to me that since she's in a leading role at work she'd enjoy me "taking control" in the bedroom and that really doesn't come natural to me but since she's willing to try some latex costumes etc for my benefit I'm more than willing to return the favor. My plans so far are a blindfold, soft wrist cuffs to tie her hands first behind her back then later to a fixing point at the head of the bed, I have some cargo straps with quick release I was planning to string under the bed to effectively do the same as a spreader bar tied to her knees without getting in the way of the toy play we both like, but having watched some... educational material I think a bar could open up some other positions, I build motorbikes as an another hobby so a bar is something I can easily build with materials I probly already have in the garage. I've also ordered a pair of wrist-to-thigh straps.
I'm very green to all this and basically just getting used to the terminology but from what I've seen so far, and moreso compared to a lot of folks here I'm pretty damn vanilla with a hint of a rigger, this sub/dom thing really doesn't come natural to me so I gotta find ways to make this fun for both of us for reasons mentioned earlier.
The thing is she's said to me that since she's in a leading role at work she'd enjoy me "taking control" in the bedroom and that really doesn't come natural to me but since she's willing to try some latex costumes etc for my benefit I'm more than willing to return the favor. My plans so far are a blindfold, soft wrist cuffs to tie her hands first behind her back then later to a fixing point at the head of the bed, I have some cargo straps with quick release I was planning to string under the bed to effectively do the same as a spreader bar tied to her knees without getting in the way of the toy play we both like, but having watched some... educational material I think a bar could open up some other positions, I build motorbikes as an another hobby so a bar is something I can easily build with materials I probly already have in the garage. I've also ordered a pair of wrist-to-thigh straps.
I'm very green to all this and basically just getting used to the terminology but from what I've seen so far, and moreso compared to a lot of folks here I'm pretty damn vanilla with a hint of a rigger, this sub/dom thing really doesn't come natural to me so I gotta find ways to make this fun for both of us for reasons mentioned earlier.
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The bar will be a piece of cake for you, just need a hollow tube, around 20mm works nicely and about 800-1000 long. A couple of loops welded or bolted at each end and you're ready to go.
I'd avoid the blindfold when tied as that is a multiplier for the claustrophobic, at least at first until she gets used to things.
Good luck, and have fun!
I'd avoid the blindfold when tied as that is a multiplier for the claustrophobic, at least at first until she gets used to things.
Good luck, and have fun!
I also Bumped into a device called a "panic snap" that could be incorporated into the rope weave at a key location to provide a quick getaway, any thoughts on those?
OK a quick update on this situation... has someone drugged me and this is some weird fetish dream LOL?
I sent a picture of a spread bar to the wife asking if this would be something she`d possibly be willing to try. Got a two word reply: always wanted. Okkkayyy so a trip to the hardware store then for some pull trigger quick drop shackles and a rod of 22mm tubing as I seem to be out, come this weekend it`s time to fire up that TIG torch.
We also ended up in the bedroom for some dry testing of the rope, topless but with pants on. I made a simple two turn bra and continued down to complete the body harness, ran out of rope but got like 80-90% there. Apparently that is ANOTHER thing that turns us BOTH on, me even more it turns out. I asked how`s the claustrophobia, nothing. Not an eep. She was only worried that she`s the only one that`s "getting" here, oh baby that couldn`t be further from the truth
So some hardware and more rope on the shopping list now Funny how much new stuff you can discover from your spouse just by talking, over twenty years together, eleven of them married and two kids later we`re finding out an entirely new side from each other!
OH and BTW the blindfold was HER idea not mine!
I sent a picture of a spread bar to the wife asking if this would be something she`d possibly be willing to try. Got a two word reply: always wanted. Okkkayyy so a trip to the hardware store then for some pull trigger quick drop shackles and a rod of 22mm tubing as I seem to be out, come this weekend it`s time to fire up that TIG torch.
We also ended up in the bedroom for some dry testing of the rope, topless but with pants on. I made a simple two turn bra and continued down to complete the body harness, ran out of rope but got like 80-90% there. Apparently that is ANOTHER thing that turns us BOTH on, me even more it turns out. I asked how`s the claustrophobia, nothing. Not an eep. She was only worried that she`s the only one that`s "getting" here, oh baby that couldn`t be further from the truth
So some hardware and more rope on the shopping list now
Funny how much new stuff you can discover from your spouse just by talking, over twenty years together, eleven of them married and two kids later we`re finding out an entirely new side from each other!OH and BTW the blindfold was HER idea not mine!
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Seems the genie is out of the bottle now!
You can never have too much rope, it always surprises just how much gets eaten up tying up a whole body.
You can never have too much rope, it always surprises just how much gets eaten up tying up a whole body.
I hope posting this kind of a picture isn't breaking any rules. Bar made, not my finest weld work but it'll hold for sure. Also welded some rings to the wrist cuffs, all equipped with pull trigger drop shackles with purposefully color coded pull strings, in case of some sort of an emergency I can completely free her within two seconds. For some it might be a buzzkill but we're total beginners so rather safe than sorry
still need to order ankle cuffs though.Oh, also bought a 25m reel of 8mm mooring rope, her request was it has to be smooth to the touch and that was silk-polyester. My only worry is that has 1.6tn pull strength so it might not cut at the drop of a hat if need be.
EDIT: rope was a crushing failure, waay too stiff. The bar on the other hand was a resounding success
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The bar looks fantastic and should work really well.
Yeah that type of marine rope is really not going to work. Check out my rope primer that I linked for the best types, quick spoiler the cheap soft poly general purpose ropes from the hardware store are ideal. These have a woven exterior with a fine stranded core so they are both soft and very flexible making them easy on the skin and very easy to knot.
Yeah that type of marine rope is really not going to work. Check out my rope primer that I linked for the best types, quick spoiler the cheap soft poly general purpose ropes from the hardware store are ideal. These have a woven exterior with a fine stranded core so they are both soft and very flexible making them easy on the skin and very easy to knot.
Already ordered a bondage specific kit of of ropes, bad kitty brand, 1x20m + 2x3m from a local shop I`ve never heard from before and as a happy accident doing so discovered they have a wide selection of plus size garments we`ve been struggling to find at an affordable price. Also as an update this sort of thing doesn`t seem to trigger her claustrophobia after all, likely partly because if she`d have to she could free herself in the unlikely event of me not being able to for whatever reason.
Went to order some thigh/ankle cuffs, saw what they cost, went F that noise, popped into a local supermarket, got a couple cool looking faux leather belts and went to town
Left them long on purpose for now, they can always be cut again but adding length would be far more tricky.EDIT: dear diary, today we successfully fisted for the first time. and the second, third, fourth and fifth time. It was glorious.
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