Deemed unfit for a relationship?

[shadowy]

Since it's easier to say or ask things online to people you don't know in real life, I figured, let's try here. After reading some posts here, and the comments I read on getDare, I think the chance of getting hurtful or demeaning replies here is rather slim.

For as long as I can remember I've had a great deal of problems with relationships. Both with just friends as romantic relationships. The reason for this is that most people I meet get the feeling they can't handle me, that I'm too much for them. Most of the time, women are just scared of me, while I get the feeling that men just don't want to insecure to deal with someone like me.
Just about all the problems I have concerning this subject can be associated with schizophrenia, a condition of which I'm diagnosed years ago. Well, as long as I n remember.

This is not dissociative identity disorder, I don't have multiple personalities. But at times I do hallucinate, get extremely paranoid or start to talk or think in an way that I can only describe as "a word salad". Words and sentences just don't have anything to do with each other and just come out all mixed up. On some occasions I have experienced catatonic states or moments of extreme aggression after or during one of these episodes.

Just to clarify: no, I'm no direct danger to myself or others. And yes, I do understand that this behavior, or change in behavior, can freak people out or cause them to be afraid of me. But the symptoms can be managed with medication and therapy, which have worked for 218 days now. That's no guarantee for the future though.

If you haven't giving up reading this thread for being so long and possibly boring, I'd like to ask you 2 things.
a) If you can picture being around someone like me, would it freak you out or scare you enough to shun me?
b) If you met someone with this condition, would you want him/her to tell you early on (like one of the first few times you talk), or would you understand the need of that person to wait until there is at least a basic feeling of trust?

I've had long (as well as boring, frustrating and extremely emotional) conversations about this with a lot of people, most of them professionals. But I'd still really like to read your view on this.

 

[CollaredBlondie]

I can't guarantee that I conpletely understood your whole post, so I do apologise about that. As for your two questions though... I wouldn't expect to be told right away - the trust needs to be there.

The extreme aggression sounds a little like my other half (when he gets mad, he gets mad) and admitedly, it scares me when he gets mad even though I know that he'd never lay a hand on me. You say that you're not a danger to those around you so I don't see why that should/would be a problem.

As for the 'word salad' (delightful term by the way) - nah, that sounds like me and some of my friends, me mostly. If I'm explaining things too fast I get all jumbled up. The paranoia sounds a little like me too, I worry too much.

Maybe it would freak me out the first couple of times, but if I was told/found out how to handle it, it'd be fine.

I hope this helps you a little and doesn't offend you in any way.

 

[NorthlandDom]

My ex was just like you are. It didn't scare me off, and actually, some solid attention from me to her seemed to alleviate some of the symptoms for the better part of a year. She didn't tell me right away, but I did figure it out and eventually she told me and said "I understand if you can't be with me anymore." That's not why we're no longer together, though.

I'd be just fine around you, then again, I hold a host of minor mental disorders myself, and I've found that makes it easier to interact with other people that have mental disorders. Actually, most of the people I know would be find in having you around... we all have out quirks my friend.

 

[shadowy]

Thanks for the replies. Feels good to read that people can still maintain an open mind when they approach people and situations they are not always familiar with or that aren't labeled "normal" by society.
It's true, just about everyone has some characteristics that others might find weird or scary.
Maybe it's time to start leaving the house one in a while in a couple of months, if more people look at it in this way.

Thanks

 

[NorthlandDom]

Thanks for the replies. Feels good to read that people can still maintain an open mind when they approach people and situations they are not always familiar with or that aren't labeled "normal" by society.
It's true, just about everyone has some characteristics that others might find weird or scary.
Maybe it's time to start leaving the house one in a while in a couple of months, if more people look at it in this way.

Thanks

Leave the house more anyway... If people don't like you, that's their problem. If people are gonna like you they'll like you, if not, they weren't worth your time.

Also, never use mental disorder as an excuse. Trust me on this, I'm socially retarded due to asperger's, but I don't use it as an excuse. The people that care will understand and the people that don't won't.

People need more exposure to the things that make them uncomfortable... society has become too soft, too many people have too fragile of sensibilities. They need to around the "strange" and "unusual" more often, maybe they'll have to think for once.

That's my two cents worth

 

[shadowy]

You sound like one of my psychiatrists. lol
But you made a valid point. However, I don't really use it as an excuse not to leave the house. I do sometimes go to a pub or whatever with my friends and I enjoy it most of the time. I never leave the house all by myself though, I haven't been able to get over that fear yet. But I guess it'll happen when the time and conditions are right.

Thanks for the advice

 

[NorthlandDom]

It happens. I'm not saying not to use it as an excuse to not leave the house, I'm saying never use it as an excuse... people like you or they don't.

 

[Little princess]

Since it's easier to say or ask things online to people you don't know in real life, I figured, let's try here. After reading some posts here, and the comments I read on getDare, I think the chance of getting hurtful or demeaning replies here is rather slim.

For as long as I can remember I've had a great deal of problems with relationships. Both with just friends as romantic relationships. The reason for this is that most people I meet get the feeling they can't handle me, that I'm too much for them. Most of the time, women are just scared of me, while I get the feeling that men just don't want to insecure to deal with someone like me.
Just about all the problems I have concerning this subject can be associated with schizophrenia, a condition of which I'm diagnosed years ago. Well, as long as I n remember.

This is not dissociative identity disorder, I don't have multiple personalities. But at times I do hallucinate, get extremely paranoid or start to talk or think in an way that I can only describe as "a word salad". Words and sentences just don't have anything to do with each other and just come out all mixed up. On some occasions I have experienced catatonic states or moments of extreme aggression after or during one of these episodes.

Just to clarify: no, I'm no direct danger to myself or others. And yes, I do understand that this behavior, or change in behavior, can freak people out or cause them to be afraid of me. But the symptoms can be managed with medication and therapy, which have worked for 218 days now. That's no guarantee for the future though.

If you haven't giving up reading this thread for being so long and possibly boring, I'd like to ask you 2 things.
a) If you can picture being around someone like me, would it freak you out or scare you enough to shun me?
b) If you met someone with this condition, would you want him/her to tell you early on (like one of the first few times you talk), or would you understand the need of that person to wait until there is at least a basic feeling of trust?

I've had long (as well as boring, frustrating and extremely emotional) conversations about this with a lot of people, most of them professionals. But I'd still really like to read your view on this.

I have the same Hun your not alone can we talk as I feel with have a lot in common x

 

[subzzzero]

I have the same Hun your not alone can we talk as I feel with have a lot in common x

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