He wants to collar me. Need advice

NotYourGirlfriend

Not so kinky
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Jul 24, 2016
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#1
So my Dom and I haven't been together very long, but it's been incredibly intense for both of us. We've connected on many levels, not just sex, and he's been talking about collaring me, but I'm not so sure I'll accept.
Part of me is very excited about this and would love to. I love him very much, but I'm nervous about the level of commitment and submission.
I would marry him tomorrow, and already have or children's names picked out, but being collared is something else entirely!
I was wondering if anyone had any insights into how they feel about it. How you decided for or against being collared? What do you think are the most important things to consider?
 

shadowice0823

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Aug 9, 2012
291
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#2
well to be honest I think the best person to talk to would be him about it. Find out what he intends your collaring to change in the relationship and see if you are okay with all of that. Don't be afraid to tell him that is a little extreme if thats how you feel. I always want my girls to feel so safe and secure with me and know that I would never do anything intentionally to hurt them or make them question if I have their best interest in mind. I have collared a few girls and I did change the relationship at all I just wanted them to wear something that reminded me at most all times.
 

NotYourGirlfriend

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Jul 24, 2016
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#3
We have talked about it.
I guess the long-story-short answer is it basically makes every limit a soft limit.
It's more a matter of trust on my end.
And it's a promise to commit.
Kind of a big deal for both of us.
 

NotYourGirlfriend

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Jul 24, 2016
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#4
We have talked about it.
I guess the long-story-short answer is it basically makes every limit a soft limit.
It's more a matter of trust on my end.
And it's a promise to commit.
Kind of a big deal for both of us.
 

subzzzero

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Dec 6, 2015
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#5
Nothing states that collaring must remove all hard limits or reduce them to soft. Being that this is the part you specified leads me to believe it's the part you are most concerned about. I have had several subs/slaves in my time and collaring did not change their limits. Limits are set by the sub and agreed upon by both in the beginning of the relationship. A real Dom will not use collaring to bypass these limits and he will continue to respect them. You need to sit him down and talk to him on the issue. If you don't wish your limits changed then state that. If you two are as close as you say then he will understand. Gradually over time in a d/s relationship some couples will wish to mutually lower or at least explore the extent of a limit. This comes from a deep connection that the sub may not have had before with any other doms.

Ultimately if you wish to keep hard limits as they are. Tel him. And as a real Dom he will respect them. Don't let the rush of moment allow you to make hasty decisions.
 

shadowice0823

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Aug 9, 2012
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#6
We have talked about it.
I guess the long-story-short answer is it basically makes every limit a soft limit.
It's more a matter of trust on my end.
And it's a promise to commit.
Kind of a big deal for both of us.
hmm it sounds like he is trying to turn you from a sub to a slave in this process? For me collaring was more of a marking my property giving her a physical reminder she was owned by me and it was something very special. Nothing else changed
 

shadowice0823

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Aug 9, 2012
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#8
oo sorry when you said you had limits I took you as a sub. In my mind slaves dont really have limits all that much you are just free to do what you like with them as long as they arent hurt. I guess I would say go for it you already said you are really into this guy and would marry him if he asked so I take it you really trust him lots. and if you already had a chat about what it would all mean then hopefully there wont be any surprises
 

subzzzero

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Dec 6, 2015
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#10
Sub or slave you always have the right to limits. I hate this misunderstanding that slave role means no limits. It's a blurry line of many different interpretations as to what defines a slave from a sub.
Regardless of that, the relationship is tailored to the needs of the couple involved. If you're not getting what you want out of it. It may be time to reassess and discuss with your partner.
Collaring shouldn't be an underhanded way of dodging limits.