Hi everyone.
I am new to all this bdsm thing and I need an advice.
My new boyfriend is Dom and we are trying some practices. I love it but there is a problem. My bf is not new to all this, and he tells things and I’ve read forums. The things I like are very soft.
We have “special days” when my bf order me here and there. To stay naked all day, or wear a plug, or suck him when ordered. And we tried spanking and canning but it is enough for me when my ass is pink, not bright red or bruised.
He says its ok, but he had real sub before. Am I too boring for a real Dom?
There is no specific act or quality that defines one as a “real sub”
This is one of the biggest manipulation tactics used by abusers in the kink world. Saying one is not a real sub because they won’t do a certain act or go to a certain extreme. It is made to guilt the sub into feeling it is a required action. The dominant is hoping that would make the sub do more extreme things or possibly lift a hard limit. It’s wrong on all levels.
If you are brand new to kink how can you be sure his experience is true? did he give you reference contacts of his prior subs? does he have fellow kinksters in the community who vouch for him? has he been able to provide you great detail in a specific kink. you mentioned impact. so…..
I’ve had years of Exp in impact play”.
Is far from………
“ I have been active as a top
Role in impact play. I know the various implements used and whether you’ll get thuddy or stingy results from it. I know the safe places to hit. I know the proper position for the sub and the proper form for swinging each implement. I know the proper aftercare for marking and bruises and I can control the location and intensity.”
Back to his own language him saying that your level of impact tolerance is ok but he had a real sub before. Is he genuine satisfied with your performance as is? Or was that the manipulation attempt I’m speaking of?
As mentioned by the other member. Each dynamic is unique to the pair involved. There is no right or wrong as long as it’s SSC or RACK. (Google them if needed.)
I have many kinks to varying extremes. I can enjoy the most extreme with one sub and enjoy the more subtle things with a new sub and still be fulfilled. I do not ever expect a sub to change their limits to fit my needs.
What did you to discuss during negotiations? At a minimum it should consist of likes, dislikes, soft limits, hard limits, health restrictions, any other limitations or triggers. If this didn’t happen yet you may want to do more research and call him out on his bullshit.
One can have rough sex and not be Dom sub. But if the claim is to have a dynamic then it needs to be treated like one.
If it did happen and you made your limit to not have bruising impact he should respect that fully.
