How healthy split the living into kink and normal

Nomina

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Female
  • Switch
Jun 9, 2021
1
2
3
Hi all fellows, let me tell you little about me for my first visit here.
The kink culture is no new to me. I can portrait myself as moderate player, not stretch the extremes. Mostly experienced as sub but also as switch with willing and well responsive partner.
The major theme for me is how people manage to split their world. For instance having a normal partner and an alternative one so that be in peace with the self. I met people who claim that cheating is not disturbing for them as long as their partner does not make them troubles. Also If the normal partner consent to this, is that an occasion for serious muse. Like nobody cares a shit of what 's going on in the couple.
I had such dilemma when I dared to commit play acts outside my bond. My boyfriend was intrigued at first because some of his fantasies came true. But then he was devastated by jealousy and anger, low self-esteem.
And we dramatically broke up.
From this time on I am utmost certain that will profile my future partner from my new intimate perspective and open myself from the start.
 

droptokon

Admin
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Staff member
May 19, 2013
2,757
2,710
283
Outback, somewhere in WA
Hello and welcome!
I hope the folks here can help to clear this up for you.
Personally I would say that to try to live two lives, one kinky and one straight never seems to work out. As you say there are all kind of trouble trying to get straight partners to accept kinky play so it is much wiser to try to find a kinky partner and avoid the problems.
 
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Fiery Bird

Verified Phoenix
  • Bisexual
  • Female
  • Dominant
Dec 3, 2020
20
19
3
Hi and welcome.

Hmm this is a tricky one. Personally I’m a one man, woman and I’m mentally wired to stick to the person I’m with (unless we’re both playing with others at once) but from what I’ve come to understand from those that have extra affairs with others, there’s usually a mental divide between the primary and secondary people involved. Meaning home life is different from play time outside and they somehow find a way to mentally compartmentalize them into separate groups. Most of the time, the primary person is not aware of what’s happening and the person having the extra affair would find ways to manage things in such a way that they never find out. For lack of a better word we can call it multitasking and some people are really good at this.

As for those who are open and honest with their partners and who get consent to go ahead, I think lack of constant communication may be one of the major issues that would create other issues if left unresolved. Even though your partner gave you their consent, it doesn’t mean their feelings and emotions would suddenly be switched off. They need to know that you’re still completely involved and invested in your relationship with them. As to the issue of consent, can we agree that in this case it can be withdrawn at any time? If one’s consenting partner decides to withdraw consent because of things they consider to be major issues for the sake and health of your relationship, what do you do then? Acquiesce or carry on regardless?

As to those that have no issues having extra affairs with or without the consent of their partners, they may be wired in certain ways that help them to do this and not jeopardize either relationship. Maybe they have a bit of poly tendencies within them such as polygamy, polyandry, etc. Those that have a better idea of such things can chip in here.

We can all agree though that it can be a potential messy affair that can easily ruin relationships and even marriages if care is not taken so I will go with what droptokon suggested which is finding someone who leans towards kink related things and build a relationship with them. This will save a lot of future pain and heartbreak.
 

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