How to become a sub and get my husband to be my dom?

[PixieLeigh]

Hi,

I'm new here. I've been married 7 years, together 12 with my husband. We got together when I was 16. Over the last few years we have started with BDSM. Bondage, blindfolds, toys, my husband recently found he rather likes edging me. The issue is that he gets a bit funny about full dominating, telling me what to do, punishing. I think his worried his going to go too far or I wont like it. But i want him to and i've told him that but his just a bit self conscious about it. I want him to tell me what to do and then i want to be a bit of a brat and not listen properly and be punished. But i guess we don't know how to move forward.

I also want our own rules and him to be a dom in our day to day. I really like the idea of having our own little secret rules and having to obey him. But i don't know if i need to take it in smaller steps with him. Or how to set up a sub/dom relationship with rules, boundaries ect.

Another question is that sub/dom relationship something you can do off and on?
I don't know if it would work properly in our marriage as I am the one that controls our lives in the sense of budgeting, planing, organising everything. Can that work and be a sub?

I'd love to hear how people started this all and get some ideas of how to get sorted

 

[QwertyAsdfgh]

The biggest thing is communication. Make sure that you are able to both listen to what the other is saying.
it may also help to work on safe words for communication and to build confidence in your husband that you are able to stop him if things get a bit close to your limits.
but above all, talk. It may be boring, but acknowledging each others’ needs and fears, is important in establishing the necessary trust and bond.

 

[MissKubo]

It's very common actually for people who are used to being in control in their everyday lives wanting to be submissive sexually so that absolutely can work for you. My husband and I have a kid so we need to keep our kink very well hidden but it is an amazing secret to be carrying around with you. One of our favorite things is when he demands my panties, or even when I just decide to give them to him: knowing he's got then in his pocket and that then I'm not allowed to sit on my skirt without them turns us both on. There's a fun little rule to get you started.

But seriously keep the communication going, take your time to build up confidence for both of you and establish what each other's limits are. Maybe encourage him to create his own KT profile so he can put his own questions and concerns on here so we can help him too.

Maybe be a bit direct with what you actually want him to do to begin with, say to him something like "spank me" and then encourage him to spank harder each time until you find a level you're comfortably uncomfortable with. That way he'll get an idea of what you can enjoy and establish himself a mental boundary for taking care of you.

Don't forget about aftercare when you've had a session. That's very important for Dom/me as well as sub, especially in a romantic relationship. He wants to take care of you, he probably feels a bit worried about you so a loving reconnect afterwards will go a long way towards helping him be sure he's giving you what you want

 

[XXSteveDom]

I don't think you can make him be your Dom if he isn't comfortable with it, you need to discuss it with him and see how he actually feels about it all

 

[subtlizer]

you can put yourself in some hard rules where you need his permission to do things,
like waiting for him to wake up and allow you to pee, and when he asks why didn't you go to pee till that you can just say, that he owns you and you cant go to pee without permission and you neither wanted to disturb his sleep for begging to allow you pee.

if you can withstand hunger( which you should as you want him to own you), you can stay hungry for him to return or wait for him to finish eating so you can eat his left over or eat from the same left over plate he used to eat.

in the last if he isn't afraid of the task to go all out on you, all you can do is to talk to him
say or more like beg to him for going all out on you.
tell him that you will take proper care of your body as needed, so he don't need to hold back.
tell him that you like him all out on you.

still changing someone true desire is hard. it could take months for him to get a stable mind set on your desire.