kink and an alcoholic partner

[carnifex]

my partner has fallen deep into her alcoholoism and can barely address a sex life, let alone my kink needs. she is vanilla with a willingness to participate with me, but no desire of her own for it. fast forward 5 years or so of me ignoring it because im codependant , and i prioritized her, not my desires. now i feel my kink wont stay quiet, ive hit personal limits with the alcohol. and i am considering going to see a professional dom in our are just to stay safe and not explode from being in the "kink closet "anymore. I am looking for anyone who has been in a similar situation. I am not looking for a D/s relationship, I want advice

thanks to all, I dont have anyone in my personal life who may have had relevant experience/ would be mature enough to know anything about kink

 

[Mistress Nelson]

Hello,Im mistress nelson by name seeking for a good and understanding sissy slave to own and collar in the Bdsm lifestyle again.

 

[carnifex]

Hello,Im mistress nelson by name seeking for a good and understanding sissy slave to own and collar in the Bdsm lifestyle again.

thanks, I'm flattered, but I'm not here to make my situation more confusing

 

[mm_sm90]

Mistress Nelson, i'm available at SC: mm_sm90

 

[laulau90]

my partner has fallen deep into her alcoholoism and can barely address a sex life, let alone my kink needs. she is vanilla with a willingness to participate with me, but no desire of her own for it. fast forward 5 years or so of me ignoring it because im codependant , and i prioritized her, not my desires. now i feel my kink wont stay quiet, ive hit personal limits with the alcohol. and i am considering going to see a professional dom in our are just to stay safe and not explode from being in the "kink closet "anymore. I am looking for anyone who has been in a similar situation. I am not looking for a D/s relationship, I want advice

thanks to all, I dont have anyone in my personal life who may have had relevant experience/ would be mature enough to know anything about kink

I think either help her or move on and leave her. I don’t think it’s fair to see professional doms for sex when you have a partner who’s clearly unwell but equally it’s not fair for you right now. I personally think that would just make the situation worse. I’d talk to her and figure out where things stand. Find out if you both want to be together or not.

Good luck!! I hope things turn out well for you

 

[Doctor Pervert]

my partner has fallen deep into her alcoholoism and can barely address a sex life, let alone my kink needs. she is vanilla with a willingness to participate with me, but no desire of her own for it. fast forward 5 years or so of me ignoring it because im codependant , and i prioritized her, not my desires. now i feel my kink wont stay quiet, ive hit personal limits with the alcohol. and i am considering going to see a professional dom in our are just to stay safe and not explode from being in the "kink closet "anymore. I am looking for anyone who has been in a similar situation. I am not looking for a D/s relationship, I want advice

thanks to all, I dont have anyone in my personal life who may have had relevant experience/ would be mature enough to know anything about kink

It's a really tricky situation, and it seems the goal posts have moved quite a lot for you over these last few years.

As mentioned by @laulau90 what really needs to happen is some sort of critical intervention help wise, or reevaluate staying together. It's obviously not as simple as that, you're clearly invested in this relationship and I can't really imagine what it's like to see someone you love destroy themselves in front of you.
That said and as also mentioned it's never good to be doing something in secret regardless of how messed up the situation is.
It's such a common thing though to find kink lovers starved of their kink really, genuinely in need of connecting with it on a regular basis. There are real psychological problems with this situation that need to be solved for your own sanity.
My suggestion would be to see if you can find a local, kink aware counselor to see, you need someone objective to be able to discuss this with and work out some coping strategies. Most bdsm communities will be able to steer you to the right practitioners, someone understanding of how kink manifests itself to us.

Meantime I'd be looking for any and every way to get your partner into therapy and help, I guess you're already trying but maybe time to think outside the box here. If she's resisting treatment then look at alternatives, as I said you seem invested so trying everything is where you're at.

Good luck.

 

[carnifex]

I think either help her or move on and leave her. I don’t think it’s fair to see professional doms for sex when you have a partner who’s clearly unwell but equally it’s not fair for you right now. I personally think that would just make the situation worse. I’d talk to her and figure out where things stand. Find out if you both want to be together or not.

Good luck!! I hope things

I think either help her or move on and leave her. I don’t think it’s fair to see professional doms for sex when you have a partner who’s clearly unwell but equally it’s not fair for you right now. I personally think that would just make the situation worse. I’d talk to her and figure out where things stand. Find out if you both want to be together or not.

Good luck!! I hope things turn out well for you

It's a really tricky situation, and it seems the goal posts have moved quite a lot for you over these last few years.

As mentioned by @laulau90 what really needs to happen is some sort of critical intervention help wise, or reevaluate staying together. It's obviously not as simple as that, you're clearly invested in this relationship and I can't really imagine what it's like to see someone you love destroy themselves in front of you.
That said and as also mentioned it's never good to be doing something in secret regardless of how messed up the situation is.
It's such a common thing though to find kink lovers starved of their kink really, genuinely in need of connecting with it on a regular basis. There are real psychological problems with this situation that need to be solved for your own sanity.
My suggestion would be to see if you can find a local, kink aware counselor to see, you need someone objective to be able to discuss this with and work out some coping strategies. Most bdsm communities will be able to steer you to the right practitioners, someone understanding of how kink manifests itself to us.

Meantime I'd be looking for any and every way to get your partner into therapy and help, I guess you're already trying but maybe time to think outside the box here. If she's resisting treatment then look at alternatives, as I said you seem invested so trying everything is where you're at.

Good luck.

Thanks, I do see a therapist for help with this already, also alanon, but my partner won't seek any help. everyone here is right, it's hard to learn to value my needs over her addiction ,I feel desperate having to wait longer