Parenting and D/s

His_Einna

Not so kinky
  • Bisexual
  • Female
  • Slave
Apr 17, 2009
46
6
0
#1
So, I'm in a 24/7 D/s relationship and have a 10 month old boy.

Now, obviously he's not gonna see any more of my D/s life than a regular, vanilla boy would see of his very vanilla parents relationship/sex life, but he will be growing up with an age-appropriate understanding of a respectful and well-conducted D/s relationship.

My ex (the baby's father) is having a pretty hard time dealing with this. Any advice, experience or help you can offer?
 

lydiab6

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Jan 15, 2008
59
2
0
#2
The best thing you can do is be honest with your son. Children today are bombarded with sexual images, and innuendos that they don't really understand, but feel that they need to follow at an earlier and earlier age.

You don't want to go up to him and say "mommy and daddy like to hurt each other, I consider myself a slave, and I do anal all the time"

but, it doesn't hurt to emphasis early and often, that as long as what you do makes you happy, doesn't harm you or anyone else, and is done with the proper precautions there is not really anything wrong with it. The best thing you can do as a parent is to show how to be accepting of others. Show that sex is not a bad, dirty thing to be hidden, and that everyone has different things that make them happy and you shouldn't put others down for what makes them happy, you've done your job!

I would highly recommend books by Kate Bornstein. They don;t deal specifically with children, or raising them, but they deal with happiness and accepting yourself and others, which is all you can really want.

Not sure if I helped. I don't have kids, but I have done a lot of research for the future.
 

His_Einna

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Apr 17, 2009
46
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#3
That does help, thanks. I have to say, as someone with three younger sisters (the youngest 11) I see what you mean; I'd rather my son know everything about safe and happy BDSM at 13 than have him be like my 13 year old sister who thinks the right way to do things is to have unprotected sex 'cause it feels better then abort anything that's coneived. She's also been walking around with an STI for about a year now and doesn't even know it (although anyone she walks past when she hasn't washed that morning does) and she's been beaten up by a guy 'cause she didn't want to do anal when she was 12. Now that is perverse, to me.

Don't get me wrong, mum does her best, but the kid's so messed up about sex she just doesn't wanna talk about it. Me and a friend had to physically hold her hostage to talk to her about it, lol...I'm actually scared of my son turning out that way.
 

tempered_sugar

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May 6, 2008
171
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#4
At 5 years old I was told about the birds and the bees by my Mum. It went in one ear and straight out the other lol, but least I was told about it. I think because sex is treated as a subject that adults don't talk about with their kids it instantly has the taboo factor and kids wana do it. It's the same as alchol, tell them it's bad and they should't drink it and they will go straight out and get drunk!

I think just talking to your son about things that he will naturally be curious about is a good start. Like Lydia said, no need to tell him about the BDSM side, you aren't hurting anyone with what you do so I see no reason to explain it to him. If he asks questions then I feel that would be the time to sit down and explain. I think though it's important that you stress that you and your partner love each other as a lot of kids seem to leave feelings out of the sex equation especially if they hear that you enjoy be hurt in the bedroom etc.

I don't have kids either but just explain everything no matter how much he doesn't wana hear it from you lol. If he gets embaressed, well he'll get over it :p
 

SubMissChievous

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Jan 9, 2008
317
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Canada
#5
Today children are being exposed to tons of adult-oriented issues and especially sex. My son has already asked me questions about sexuality, pregnancy, homosexuality, drugs, alcohol, violence, politics and many other subjects that were far from my mind when I was his age… He’s not a teenager, he’s in kindergarten :)

Of course, at such a young age as 10 months old, what kids see at home is normal to them. But as soon as they go out, make friends, see different people with different situations then questions are raised. So like Lydia said I think the best thing is to be honest with him. And be open and available to answer his questions. This, aside from being part of children’s education, has also the positive effect that it keeps a healthy communication environment in the family where kids know they can trust their parents to help or answer them with any concerns they may have later on in life. Of course, how much you want to say and how deep into the subject you want to go depends on the age. I would not explain these things the same way to my 6 year-old son now that I would if he was a teenager as their understanding and interpretation is not the same. But just by answering them at an early age about questions they may have will help them trust they can go to you later if they need more answers. Kids with parents who are open to discuss these things with them seem also to grow more open and tolerant about differences and to have a better perspective about the world around them :)

It is also true what Sugar said: what is taboo seem more attractive to youngsters. And so is the unknown. When kids don’t get the answers they need they will seek it elsewhere. They will ask other kids, who are usually not better informed or via the medias and internet. One of my neighbors found porn material in her 11 year-old daughters room a few months ago! When she questioned her about it she simply said she was curious about sex so some “friends” gave it to her…

As far as your ex is concerned I’m not sure I can help as my situation is completely different: I’m a single parent, in an online relationship and have no contact whatsoever with my son’s father so I never had to deal with this situation. But I would guess the same goes as with the rest and honesty being the best policy in that case too. It may be not something he likes to hear about but I think as long as he is assured that what goes on between you and your partner is strictly your intimacy and that your kid is not directly exposed to it then it should not be a problem. In some ways it’s a bit the same as if you had a same-sex partner. Some people have a hard time accepting or understanding it but as long as the child’s needs ans safety is not at risk I think what goes on in a couple’s intimacy should not be a big concern for others. And by being honest about it chances are better that with time he will perhaps feel more comfortable about it too.

Btw I made a social group on here for parents not long ago:

http://www.kinktalk.com/talk/group.php?groupid=9

Feel free to join there if you like to :)
 
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His_Einna

Not so kinky
  • Bisexual
  • Female
  • Slave
Apr 17, 2009
46
6
0
#6
Oooh! Social group!

I wouldn't worry too much about the ex anyways; he seems to have an issue with everything I do :-/

Thanks guys!