Perceptions on Solitude

[nina]

While certain personality types have always preferred time spent in solitude over socialization (and note that they aren't even antonyms), I think the pandemic has made it all the more topical where everyone has experienced solitude or some sort of seclusion in the past year. I think it would be good to discuss different perceptions on solitude both as a long term lifestyle preference or a short term compulsion due to pandemic. While solitude is not the same as loneliness, they may occur together at times atleast for some people and the latter is definitely related to mental health.

So my question to fellow kinksters is what does solitude mean to you and how does it impact you, do you prefer it and is that related to your personality. How do you differentiate between solitude and loneliness and does one affect another for you? Does it cause any mental health issues for you and do you have any coping mechanisms for it?

Note: It is an open ended topic and not necessarily about negative connotations only. Feel free to share positive effects too

 

[Doctor Pervert]

As someone who's work frequently renders me in solitude I can certainly relate to this.

I guess one of the big difference here would be people who prefer solitude as opposed to those that simply handle it well when needed. As you mentioned the last year has pushed many people into solitude, or at least more solitude than normal. How you handle either enforced or chosen solitude depends on how well you live in your own skin, by which I mean in large part, how much distraction you need from yourself.

That's maybe a bit a of a flippant way of putting it but basically I think that's true. Self reliance is a large part of handling solitude, are you happy doing everything yourself, being your only (or mostly only) judge and able to accept things as being your responsibility? Of course this isn't the only aspect, humans are social animals, we're hard wired to need companions for emotional support, some need that more, and more often than others.

And this is where this question starts to cross into kink territory. Those who are fundamentally submissive, those that need, at a deep level to be guided, to follow, to receive praise and acceptance for their deeds are more likely to struggle in solitude. With no one to provide the emotional feedback, no one to guide them and supply cues an emotional hole could easily develop.

I'm by no means sure this has any basis in fact but it seems somewhat right to me. Perhaps if anyone recognizes this in themselves they could chime in?

 

[nina]

Self reliance is a large part of handling solitude, are you happy doing everything yourself, being your only (or mostly only) judge and able to accept things as being your responsibility? Of course this isn't the only aspect, humans are social animals, we're hard wired to need companions for emotional support, some need that more, and more often than others.

Agree with your segregation of managing solitude vs preferring solitude. Self reliance and one's level of comfort with themselves definitely is the key to managing solitude. People who are more independent in their thinking and decision making (irrespective of whether introvert or extrovert) can handle solitude better. However introverts may prefer it more

 

[Doctor Pervert]

However introverts may prefer it more

In fact you could also posit that extroverts who are more comfortable in groups would find it harder?

 

[nina]

In fact you could also posit that extroverts who are more comfortable in groups would find it harder?

As an introvert, difficult for me to perceive that from the point of view of extroverts. Building on my rationale above I do think if the extrovert is not an independent thinker but depends on validation from groups they may find it difficult but if they are independent thinkers, they may be indifferent to the state of solitude

 

[Fiery Bird]

I think introverts would be able to handle solitude better because most times, they actively seek it. Whereas extroverts get their energy by constantly interacting with others. I know a lot of extroverts that really struggled with the solitude that was forced upon us by the pandemic and most of them are independent thinkers.
I guess the main bone of contention with this particular solitude is that it was forced on us. We had no choice in the matter and that is where a lot of people struggled. I do know it had an impact on a lot of people’s mental health, some which are yet to recover.

Personally I’m what may be termed as an ambivert but I lean more to my introverted side than my extroverted side. When I crave solitude it’s absolute. I do not want to see, hear from or be near anyone at those times. Well unless those I specifically chose to be around me. Those times are when I gain my energy levels back. So I do enjoy solitude. Yet there are times when I feel lonely and it has nothing to do with solitude (well besides the one forced by the pandemic) because I could be in the midst of others and still feel this way.

I used to have a very active social life and my field of work also required me to socialize a lot so my extroverted side come into play here. In the past, I’m usually quiet for the most part at these social gatherings and contribute when I feel the need to but of recent due to certain life circumstances and experiences, I’ve become extremely out spoken and I’m a lot more vocal. But only to those I chose to be. I’ve also minimized my social life greatly and prefer to be with a select few I know to be genuine. So in many ways, this helps when those lonely feeling times come up.

As for kink related matters, the invention of the internet and social media is one of the best things that ever happened. It helped connect a lot of people all over the world. Dominants and submissives can reach out and vent or try to connect with others. At least there’s a way to do this when forcefully stuck at home. The challenge is the mental aspect of it and how to find safe coping mechanisms. One thing this pandemic did was force a lot of people to become independent thinkers to a certain degree no matter the personality type.

 

[nina]

So I do enjoy solitude. Yet there are times when I feel lonely and it has nothing to do with solitude (well besides the one forced by the pandemic) because I could be in the midst of others and still feel this way.

Yes, you are right, loneliness is different from solitude. Great insights, thanks for sharing.

 

[StormyDungeons]

While certain personality types have always preferred time spent in solitude over socialization (and note that they aren't even antonyms), I think the pandemic has made it all the more topical where everyone has experienced solitude or some sort of seclusion in the past year. I think it would be good to discuss different perceptions on solitude both as a long term lifestyle preference or a short term compulsion due to pandemic. While solitude is not the same as loneliness, they may occur together at times atleast for some people and the latter is definitely related to mental health.

So my question to fellow kinksters is what does solitude mean to you and how does it impact you, do you prefer it and is that related to your personality. How do you differentiate between solitude and loneliness and does one affect another for you? Does it cause any mental health issues for you and do you have any coping mechanisms for it?

Note: It is an open ended topic and not necessarily about negative connotations only. Feel free to share positive effects too

We all have forms of solitude. I am a registered Christian minister but allows my sexual self to be in private away from public intrusion.

Many go steps further with private rooms or places where they keep their sex toys and play things hidden away.

This is inherent and begins in childhood when we first begin to play with ourselves and that continues through teen years and gets reinforced when we begin to discover porn.

The solitude of sexual expression does not end there but only deepens as many grapple with gender roles and sex partner preference going all the way into our kinks and fetishes.

A world of solitude that is. Nobody wants any of this on display at family events.

Going further still are nations and regions where culture, society, and/or religion forces many to withdraw into a semi permanent state of solitude just to survive.

No matter how main stream culture you are = nobody wants their chains dildoes and sex swings to just be right out in thebbn open for friends and family.

Solitude indeed.

Solitude - a sense of being alone or isolated. A sense of ones being inherently different. A place of being away or apart from others either physically or in some regard. - syn = private, withdrawn secluded, secretive

 

[StormyDungeons]

Yes, you are right, loneliness is different from solitude. Great insights, thanks for sharing.

Lonliness is perhaps the chief of demons we as humans are forced to contend with. Its sources are several starting with solitary confnement going to isolation snd endng at being unacknowledged.

All off those are grim even to the point the USAF ended having manned missile silos because 2-4 persons locked in for 6+ months at a time was causing insanity.

But there is more. One of my favorite paintings if all time = edgar degas - Absinthe

The painting depicts a woman who at that time was the single most know stage performer in all of France but as far as MEANINGFUL PERSONAL ASSOCIATIONS = she had none.

So there she sat in the midst of a super crowded pub drinking that toxic drink all alone. Degas painted what he actually witnessed so it was a photograph on canvas that captured LONELINESS in all its ever stark reality.

Internet has only made this worse as we are all forced to exist in cyber space as opposed to real spaces and more and more the contruct for our physical selves is becoming less and less available.

There is an ultra dark push to re-engineer people into avatars that have no actual feeling.

The classic 1950s horror flim THE INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS was much more of as warning about this than people want to hear.

In the end it all is about = FEELING AND BEING

Neither of those play well in global control scenarios so we all are forced into non being.

Loneliness indeed.

 

[nina]

Thanks for sharing your insights. I like your different takes on loneliness and yes the internet does have a lot of pros but it is pushing people away from many pleasures of the physical world. However, as someone with social anxiety I somehow feel more comfortable in solitude though there are times I crave being around people too.