Personal Question?

[SweetCuriosity]

This may be too personal to some so I apologise, but for those who wish to answer, how public are you with your lifestyle choice? Do your family and friends know or do you keep it private? Couples do people know of your roles to each other? Also, if you do keep it private how does that make you feel? I know it's different for everybody and I have heard of some being very open about their lifestyle choices and some prefer to keep it behind closed doors indefinitely.

For me personally, I keep it private there is only one friend I have who knows but nobody else nor my family knows. I am currently not in a D/s BDSM relationship, but it has been difficult in the past. Has anybody seen the secretary? That scene where she's on the phone to Mr. Grey and about to have dinner and he tells her what she can have to eat then come dinner time, her family is watching her completely confused as to why she only has a small spoon of potato and three peas on her plate - lol. It can be difficult to try hide some of those little things (or big things) that can raise concern and confusion in others.

I had a rule with my ex Dom that I was to ask permission for anything sweet which we had agreed upon because I'm a huge sweet tooth and sometimes I have trouble resisting chocolate or a dessert. Anyway, my father at one point had decided to buy me one of my favourite cakes when we were having a coffee and I thought oh no, my rule. So I tried to say thank you but I don't feel like it and this was raising eybrows because he knew I would never normally turn down that cake. I couldn't ask permission from my Dom because he was at work and unreachable and my father was asking me if I felt sick, if something was the matter and I tried hard to make it seem like I just didn't want any. But, in the end actually I endes up getting punished because I chose to eat the cake (lol) but it's one of my examples of how things can get hard if nobody knows or understands whats going on.

 

[Meorin]

I am open about it with anyone who wants to know. My parents know cus I had my first sub when I was still living with my parents. They needed to know that the bruises on her arms were consensual. They do not want to know the details and they pretty much only know I am into bdsm but do not know more than that.

My close friends know and they know quite some details. Even some workmates know.

When people ask me about it (I wear a ring with a triskelion as a sign that I am into bdsm) I warn them twice and if they still want to know, I do talk about it in pretty much as much detail as people want to know.

In the beginning I wanted to keep things private but I was exposed in school quite quickly cus the sub that I had my first session with talked about it with the wrong people and the information got spread. Since then I never went into hiding things.

I live in Germany though and here sexual things like bdsm are not as taboo as they are in other parts of the world. Being open about it in general turned out to be a great strategy to find subs / girls who wanted to try bdsm. Nobody can approach you about it if it is a secret and nobody knows.

 

[SweetCuriosity]

Thank you for sharing with us, and it's interesting about Germany. I'm from Australia and we all like to think we're pretty easy-going and open-minded here, but really it all depends on who you're dealing with. Some can be understanding and respectful of a persons lifestyle choice such as this, and others will be completely shocked and disgusted. Therefore, it's pretty much at somebody's own discretion as to whether they choose to publicise it, and who they publicise it with.

Your ring sounds nice, I used to have a day collar that ended up getting more attention than I expected simply because I was seen wearing it every day (which we all know is the point) but, my first one was quite discreet however like I say, that simple act of never taking it off sparked many questions among those I knew. Later on, I started wearing one of the chain-link day collars with the little heart lock which raised even more questions with those I saw daily.