question for the doms/subs

[mnaz]

I'm not sure if thesis the correct place to post this so apologies if it is in the wrong section but I am after a little guidance


I'm dating a girl that has has told me she is very submissive in the bedroom.

When it comes to sex im pretty vanilla and apart from some light choking and rough sex (slapping, scratching, biting) have had no experience with this.

I'm not sure telling someone what to do is something that I'm into as the idea actually kind of makes me feel uncomfortable. I know we need to have a talk about exactly what she wants from me as a dom but that being said I can't evern think of what I want my sub to do. I want to please her obviously but apart from that Im not sure i know what I want.


If someone could link me to some info on dom/sub relationship for beginners that would be great and please let me know some of your experiences when first starting to explore, good and bad

 

[Bleaksword]

http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/ds_guide.html

Here is a quick little helpful think and I whisk you both luck

 

[HarmlessBeast]

you hit on the main advice i would give. COMMUNICATION.

Submissive is a broad category. It doesn"t really tell you anything by itself. I know "submissives" who will do anything for you as long as they are doing it to your feet. I know others who will actively serve you to the point that if you just mention pancakes on Monday, on Tuesday you get a pancake breakfast in bed. While other submissive would need to be ordered to make you that breakfast, and then they might make a mistake just to get punished.

some submissives are just submissive in the bedroom, some take it to all aspects of their life.

SO talk to her and find out what it is that being submissive means to her. You may find that you are dominant in some ways that you never even thought of as being dominant.

 

[CuriouslyInterested]

Communicate with the girl

Submission is different for everyone. There is no link that will tell you how to please her, you are going to have to talk with her and find out what exactly she means.

She may just like rough sex and to be man handled a bit. You might not have to tell her anything. She may want you to tie her up and have your way with her. She may like dirty talk, you telling her you're gonna make her your own personal slut. She may simply want you to be assertive and call all the shots in the bedroom.

To be dominant you don't HAVE to order her to her knees and please you. You don't have to humiliate or degrade her. You don't have to choke her or hit her or cause her pain. You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable doing. There's hundreds of ways to be dominant or submissive, and hundreds of kinks to satisfy doing it. It's whatever works for you both, not just her.

It might be helpful for you both to sit down and look at a checklist, to find what areas you are both curious about and comfortable in. You can find several listed here. http://www.submissiveguide.com/2012/11/research-page-bdsm-checklists/

Good luck!