Questions for Switches

SubMissChievous

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First off, I know it may seem odd to see me post in this section as I’m not a switch and don’t look to be one. However, I must admit that I find it intriguing and I’m curious to know how it is for those who identifies themselves as switches.

So to all switches, I’ve got a few questions for you so you may ne able to satisfy my curiosity :)

The first thing that comes to my mind is this: I’ve read many stories and posts on how people got to discover either their dominant or submissive side… How did you discover that you were a switch?

Do you prefer to have different roles with different partners asin being submissive to one person and dominant with another? Does it make it easier that way?

Or if you’re in a relationship with another switch how and/or to decide when one will be the Dom and one the sub?

Sorry if these questions sounds obvious or silly but I don’t recall reading anything on this and seeing that there seem to be a good number of members who identifies themselves as switches I think I’m gonna be able to understand the dynamic a bit better with your help :)

Thanks for reading :)

Chloe
 
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lydiab6

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I don't think they are silly questions at all...

The first thing that comes to my mind is this: I?ve read many stories and posts on how people got to discover either their dominant or submissive side? How did you discover that you were a switch?

For myself, I thought I was dominant for a long time. When reading erotica, or watching porn, I always identified with the dom, and felt comfortable in that role. Then my life became really hectic, everything was not going according to plan, and I found myself wanting to submit. I wanted to be desired, and I wanted a purpose that wasn't in my control. I wanted something that I didn't have to be in charge of. Of course, when I actually tried being a submissive, I knew that it wasn't making me really happy. So, in time, I settled into enjoying both.

Do you prefer to have different roles with different partners as in being submissive to one person and dominant with another? Does it make it easier that way?
I personally don't care either way, as long as if I am with a person who only enjoys one side of things, they know that at times I will play with others to get the satisfaction I need from the side they can't give me. If anything, I think it makes it harder, for me anyway. I prefer playing with other switches, they understand that sometimes you have desires that need to be met by being on top, and other times on bottom, and they can provide both.

At the same time though, sometimes its nice to have someone who is one or the other, because then roles are more clearly defined.

Or if you?re in a relationship with another switch how and/or to decide when one will be the Dom and one the sub?
In my personal relationships, it usually comes down to "so, you want to be dom or sub for the evening". In a relationship involving bdsm, you have to trust the other person, and be in tune with them. I have to feel comfortable enough with them to be able to say "I'm feeling dominant at the moment, that cool with you", or "Id really like you in charge tonight". I expect them to feel comfortable enough to do the same. Being a switch, I need to know my own feelings. I need to know if I want to be dominated, or I want to dominate and then get myself into that head space a bit to ensure that I can fulfill the role that my partner needs me to play.


I'm not sure if I helped, or really answered your questions, but I tried.
 

Passenger

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Well, I can't give a long answer now, specially being unexperienced :) but I can tell you that in my fantasies I sometimes act a dominant and sometimes as a slave. Those are just a couple of words to describe a full range of situations in which I imagine myself or others, but that makes me a switch I suppose :)

It's like the CFNM part of this forum, I found that very exciting, but then I think of CMNF and I find that very exciting too! :)
 
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Krystal

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I don't know, i never really discovered i was a switch. nor do i know if i would identify myself as one. I love being a sub, but being a sub i love to please other people. I think this is the reason why i can go an be the dom. So i can put aside my submissive nature an control someone to please their wishes since that's what they want of me.

an i have also no idea if what i just said makes logical sense :confused:
 
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gfish13

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i discovered i was a switch when i enjoyed both sides of the spectrum and was not sure which side i wanted to pick, if i even wanted to pick a side.

for me being a switch is wanting to deeply explore both sides, not setting limits on just one side.
 

cufflink

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How I exist as a switch

Hello I joined this group expressly to respond to this thread, because I just could not ignore it.

I am a 49 yr old male switch. I first discovered my bondage fetish when I tied my sister up at the age of 5 (she was 3). Later, I had strong feelings of satisfaction when I imagined myself interviewing -rescued- female robbery victims -in the back of police cars-while they were somehow inexplicably still totally tied up. It was a magical fantasy , sitting next to a woman i just helped rescue that was still totally helpless...somewhat at my discretion. I could have untied her... but I didnt have to, it was up to me, and it was the strongest sexual fantasy I had for maybe the entire time i was a virgin. (and I never untied them, in those fantasies.)

I was a late bloomer (19), but eventually had my share of partners...I was about 26 when I first met a woman (35) that really 'got' bondage and tied me up, and had a gift with orgasm denial. That was an afternoon I will never forget.

I dont know why I love both dominating and submitting but I know for sure that either role, with the right partner, will provide in me a much deeper erotic and emotional experience than simple fucking/lovemaking/call it what you want. BDSM takes everything to a much higher level. Later in life I fell in love with a naturally submissive woman and really had to learn, for her, how to groove on inflicting pain. It wasn't really natural to me but I LEARNED. She loved it and, perhaps, more importantly needed it... It is still a solid relationship, after 8 years. I am still in love, despite the fact that she did not learn as instinctively how to enjoy dominating me, and she may never really get it.

Bottom line? (no pun intended) I always have much better orgasms when I am submissive...which when you think about it, is natural, (even for a switch) because the submissive gets spoiled by not having to be involved, once the trust is established- your experience as a sub is totally absorptive of the dominant's efforts, not unlike being massaged. Do you not risk diminishing your pleasure if you are even remotely diverted from relaxing and trusting the skills of your massager? The dominant has to be responsible, conversely, for the success of the entire scene..the safety, timing, erotic themes...its a wonder the top has any fun at all...but I suppose it comes out in the ego gratification of being the one in charge. To each their own. I get both roles, but have better orgasms when I sub. I know I have a more fertile, experienced, and kinky imagination than my girlfriend does, which is probably why she prefers to submit...she has better orgasms, and more submersive erotic trips, when all she has to do is lie there, trust my instincts and experience, and suffer. But it all starts and ends with trust.

I never guessed that being a switch would be a bonus in terms of finding partners, and i was right. Most kinksters identify one way or another. I have even played with women that dug my dominating...but said if they were asked to top me or even witness me submitting in a party environment, for instance, they would lose all respect for me, and probably would have a hard time submitting to me again..

Ive said enough for one go. Id love to hear any and all opinions, about...my opinions.

RSVP
 
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Slixious

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Now that I think about it, on one side I like to be the one with the ideas being able to act them out on someone, and on the other side I like being controlled in a way I'm sure a submissive person could understand.
 

SubMissChievous

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lydiab6 said:
I'm not sure if I helped, or really answered your questions, but I tried.

Yes, Lydia, your answer helped a lot and it was very interesting too :) Of course, since I’m strictly submissive I can only imagine how the dynamics work. I often come across posts on various forums where people asks “when did you find out you were dominant or submissive” and I suddenly realized that I had never seen that same question concerning switches so I started thinking about this and then a bunch of other questions popped up in my mind.

lydiab6 said:
For myself, I thought I was dominant for a long time. When reading erotica, or watching porn, I always identified with the dom, and felt comfortable in that role. Then my life became really hectic, everything was not going according to plan, and I found myself wanting to submit. I wanted to be desired, and I wanted a purpose that wasn't in my control. I wanted something that I didn't have to be in charge of. Of course, when I actually tried being a submissive, I knew that it wasn't making me really happy. So, in time, I settled into enjoying both.

Yeah, that’s how I thought it must happen for most: to identify as one and discover the other side later… Just wasn’t really sure and I guess for some it doesn’t exactly happen like that. But still I find it quite interesting that a certain event or circumstance can “trigger” this :)

On a sidenote: I found interesting to read also how you got to discover your submissive side because it’s the complete opposite for me: if things in my life get too hectic I can become “less” submissive… dunno how to really explain it well but I’m sure it must be more a personality thing there than a characteristic of sub vs. switch but I still find it intriguing to see how people react differently to a similar feeling or circumstance :)

lydiab6 said:
In my personal relationships, it usually comes down to "so, you want to be dom or sub for the evening". In a relationship involving bdsm, you have to trust the other person, and be in tune with them. I have to feel comfortable enough with them to be able to say "I'm feeling dominant at the moment, that cool with you", or "Id really like you in charge tonight". I expect them to feel comfortable enough to do the same. Being a switch, I need to know my own feelings. I need to know if I want to be dominated, or I want to dominate and then get myself into that head space a bit to ensure that I can fulfill the role that my partner needs me to play.

Aah, this reminds me of a question I forgot to include in the original post! lol I meant to include a question asking “what happens if, in a relationship where the two persons are switches, both are in a dominant mood for ex.?” I guess that since everyone’s different some switches can be dominant on one day and submissive the next but there must be (I think…) some others who are in one “mode” for like weeks or maybe months… So that may make things harder there… Hmm…

cufflink said:
Hello I joined this group expressly to respond to this thread, because I just could not ignore it.

Hi! Well, I’m glad my thread was interesting enough to get a new member, yay :D

cufflink said:
I never guessed that being a switch would be a bonus in terms of finding partners, and i was right. Most kinksters identify one way or another. I have even played with women that dug my dominating...but said if they were asked to top me or even witness me submitting in a party environment, for instance, they would lose all respect for me, and probably would have a hard time submitting to me again..

You bring a very ineteresting point which I had not thought about at first… I can, to some extent, understand these sub women that said that they would lose all respect for you if they were asked to top you or watch you submitting. I don’t think I would ever lose respect for someone for that, personally, but I have been in such situations in the past where I had partners who were switches (or more switch-curious…) It was not easy to deal with because switching is a limit for me. So I obviously could not fulfill this need or curiosity for them. But the most difficult thing for me was that as a sub in a D/s relationship what I seek the most is the safety that it gives me. So knowing that my partner could have pêriod of times where he would not be in a “dominant mood” was quite frightening as it meant I could lose, even if it meant temporarily, what is the most important for me… So I can understand how it can be problematic sometimes if one partner is a swtich and the other only dom or sub.
 

lydiab6

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On a sidenote: I found interesting to read also how you got to discover your submissive side because it’s the complete opposite for me: if things in my life get too hectic I can become “less” submissive… dunno how to really explain it well but I’m sure it must be more a personality thing there than a characteristic of sub vs. switch but I still find it intriguing to see how people react differently to a similar feeling or circumstance :)

I think, for me, it has to do with the 'boardroom/bedroom complex'. I work really hard in public. I'm a student, I'm also involved in running a couple clubs, I'm an RA(resident adviser), and all those things put me in position where I have to be in charge. So, when everything piles up, it means that I'm doing a lot of work, I'm stressed, and a whole bunch of other people are relying on me. So, being submissive in those circumstances gives me an out. I can relax, to an extent, and not worry about failing for others. Sure, I'm trying to please the dominant, but that is one person, and I'm just following orders, and by following them, I am pleasing.

I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone else. It makes sence in my head, if that helps ;)
 

vjz288

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I like to either dominate or submit, but I wouldn't like switching roles with the same person.
 

Tuls

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Real Life vs Cyberspace

In real life I could never be anything other than a submissive. In cyberspace I enjoy the domination role. Hmmm??
 

Wanders61

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I don't think they are silly questions at all...

The first thing that comes to my mind is this: I?ve read many stories and posts on how people got to discover either their dominant or submissive side? How did you discover that you were a switch?

For myself, I thought I was dominant for a long time. When reading erotica, or watching porn, I always identified with the dom, and felt comfortable in that role. Then my life became really hectic, everything was not going according to plan, and I found myself wanting to submit. I wanted to be desired, and I wanted a purpose that wasn't in my control. I wanted something that I didn't have to be in charge of. Of course, when I actually tried being a submissive, I knew that it wasn't making me really happy. So, in time, I settled into enjoying both.

Do you prefer to have different roles with different partners as in being submissive to one person and dominant with another? Does it make it easier that way?
I personally don't care either way, as long as if I am with a person who only enjoys one side of things, they know that at times I will play with others to get the satisfaction I need from the side they can't give me. If anything, I think it makes it harder, for me anyway. I prefer playing with other switches, they understand that sometimes you have desires that need to be met by being on top, and other times on bottom, and they can provide both.

At the same time though, sometimes its nice to have someone who is one or the other, because then roles are more clearly defined.

Or if you?re in a relationship with another switch how and/or to decide when one will be the Dom and one the sub?
In my personal relationships, it usually comes down to "so, you want to be dom or sub for the evening". In a relationship involving bdsm, you have to trust the other person, and be in tune with them. I have to feel comfortable enough with them to be able to say "I'm feeling dominant at the moment, that cool with you", or "Id really like you in charge tonight". I expect them to feel comfortable enough to do the same. Being a switch, I need to know my own feelings. I need to know if I want to be dominated, or I want to dominate and then get myself into that head space a bit to ensure that I can fulfill the role that my partner needs me to play.


I'm not sure if I helped, or really answered your questions, but I tried.

Very well written and so very true for myself as well other than I am male.
 

KittenA

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Questions-Answers

Well,

"How did you discover that you were a switch?"

I had been with a domme and she had to move away, transfer to a different college, so I was left with nobody around. I then got into a pretty vanilla relationship with a guy and tried to introduce some bdsm aspects into our relationship after we both seemed comfortable. He's kind of passive aggressive and has "dom" moods and "sub" moods. I guess I tried to fulfill his needs and found out being on top was nice for a little change now and then.


"Do you prefer to have different roles with different partners asin being submissive to one person and dominant with another? Does it make it easier that way?"

It depends on the person. I'm not the most socially outgoing person and I live in the middle of nowhere so it's hard to find people in the kink scene around here. I'll always be sub to my old domme and I'll probably always be a switch with my current man. I haven't had many relationships that have had a D/s undertone.


"Or if you’re in a relationship with another switch how and/or to decide when one will be the Dom and one the sub?"

As said earlier, it depends on who's in the mood for what. I'll always feel submissive but if he's feeling submissive then i have to get into a dom state of mind. Not very easy but doable.
 
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smokeyeager

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How did you discover that you were a switch?

It pretty much just came natural to me. I started out playing with bondage with my girlfriend at the time and it was something we both enjoyed. Usually I tied her up but once in a while she'd tie me up. It just grew from there as I got more involved in BDSM.

Do you prefer to have different roles with different partners as in being submissive to one person and dominant with another?

With me that all depends on the partner. I can be Dom to some, sub to others, and Dom or sub to others. It really just depends on the situation and how the relationship works in general.


Or if you’re in a relationship with another switch how and/or to decide when one will be the Dom and one the sub?



In the relationships I've been in with other switches there really was no way to decide, it was basically up to our moods. Usually one of us was feeling Dom while the other was feeling sub. When it did arise that we were both in a Dom mood we would usually play wrestle and whoever pinned the other first took control and the other submitted.
 

maria435

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I agree with the point of difference in cyber world and real life...I love to switch in real life actions...But when it comes to cyber sex, I enjoy being dominant.
 

andrei

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in addition a dominant person told me once: to be a good master you have to learn how to be a sub.
 

Silkers

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I really never saw myself as a switch. Never wanted to be one, denied it, and slapped down anything about being a switch. until I couldn't any longer. Now I see it as the best of both world. I am collared to a dominant male, he is married, she is submissive. I have collared a male while I was living on my own but still collared. When the dom in me starts acting up I am able to feed that need I have to be in control. When I need to submit and well I do so willingly knowing how difficult it can be to be in the dominant role.


That is my two cents.
 

Entiger

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The first thing that comes to my mind is this: I’ve read many stories and posts on how people got to discover either their dominant or submissive side… How did you discover that you were a switch?

Well my submissive tendencies was the ones i got aware of first actually, that was so early in my life i did not even know what BDSM was at the time, so they remained shamefully hidden desires for many many years.

As i became sexually active i always ended up being in a somewhat dominant position and it developed into rougher and rougher sex, and eventually the revelation that i was into BDSM. Then i meet a cool girl that i got to explore some sub sides with as well. That got the it all rolling

Do you prefer to have different roles with different partners asin being submissive to one person and dominant with another? Does it make it easier that way?


Often it is that way and i can get very into only one role, but i have had one person where we both switched regularly.

Or if you’re in a relationship with another switch how and/or to decide when one will be the Dom and one the sub?

It was never really an issues with the one person i had that kind of relationship with. If one took on a dominant role the other one always pretty much accepted that. We could also switch in the the middle of sex. I guess it can be compared to when a normal BDSM couple starts having vanilla sex, and it just turns into BDSM sex after a while. My dominant signals would trigger her sub sides and her dominant signals would trigger my sub sides. The complete and sudden power exchange was kind of a big boost.

There was a few times where i kind of denied her the dominant role and just treated her very roughly, but that always turned out beautifully as she loved how she was turned down and basically fucked back into submission.
 

Kaito

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How did you discover that you were a switch?
I always thought I was a top. I had never thought I'd be a switch until I met my current girlfriend. She was always the bottom, and we never really thought much of it. About 8 months into the relationship, I was getting almost jealous, and asked if she wanted to be the top for one. We eased into it, and it's actually quite fun. I'm still the top most of the time, but if we need a change, I can always play bottom

Do you prefer to have different roles with different partners as in being submissive to one person and dominant with another? Does it make it easier that way?
I only have one partner :p

Or if you’re in a relationship with another switch how and/or to decide when one will be the Dom and one the sub?
Honestly, just asking. Most of the time, the play will start with just general teasing and the sensual stuff, but if she wants me to be a top, she'll usually say something like "Yes sir". If I want her to be top, sometimes I'll grab a ball gag and put it in

Not weird questions at all :)
 

PleaseHurtMe

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I live alone. So I punish myself. Now thats a good reason to be switch. Love to hit! Love to receive. I love getting humiliated online and even when I feel aggressive im too lazy to come up with long good dares. So laziness made me submissive! :-D
When I get the energy and the right slut I can be a pretty hard Dom!

So punish me for beeing lazy!
Or
Get down on your knees slut (girl or boy)
 

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