Recently divorced and having a standing agreement! Looking for thoughts

FlynZ28

Kinky Newbie
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Dominant
Nov 11, 2020
1
0
1
35
Hi, im new here. Im a male,35, 6ft 245lbs. I joined to get advice on what i believe is a unheard of or atleast very rare situation i find myself in. Ill start with some background...

Me and my wife separated 9 months ago and filed for divorce 3 months ago. We met when we were 16 an jad our 1st son before i turned 17. We got married after our 3rd an final child when i was 25. We were both obviously very young an besides 2 previous partners i was sexually active with b4 we met (im the only sexual partner shes ever had to this point) . We were always very kinky, right from the start!! We had piles and piles of toys an machines, we dressed up, roleplayed, bondage an more our entire marriage. We would fuck for 1-3 hrs per session daily when younger an still after 19 years together we still did the same atleast 2-3x a week. She always enjoyed being dominated, controlled. She would tell me to just use me, make me whatever kinda fuck toy u want, on 10 -15 different occasions through the years she would surprise me by bringing 1 of her friends home with her on a night we didn't have kids etc... an for hours shed let me do as i pleased to her an she always made sure her friend wanted the same an understood what would happen an was comfortable erc.. they always were. I spent a few 3 day weekends with her an a particular friend over the years, wed get a hotel room, set up our gear an toys an theyd show up an we would just stay naked an not leave the room at all. We ate an bathed together. Took breaks together etc... she continued playing with us for years even after my wifes friend had gotten married tho i never felt right about keeping that secret from him but i enjoyed my girls, lol. 3-5-6 orgasm a session to where wed have to stop a min or to so she could stop shaking an catch her breath, she is also a squirter!!. Needless to say if nothing else we had a healthy sex life. Now thats our sexual background.

When we separated we id continue to meet up for sex etc.. same way as we always had. But it got less frequent after filing for our actual divorce and i had also started seeing and sleeping with another woman id met about the same time. We ended up breaking up about 6 weeks ago an i had mentioned to my ex that she was very conservative in bed, not my style. An 3 days later i get a letter in the mail and opened it up. It was from my ex wife. 3.5 pages she called "the agreement" detailing how we would agree that for the next year, we would have a purely sexual relationship only in which i would be 100percent in control of. Whenever(within reason obviously) i wanted her she would comply. I was to think of her as my personal fuck toy to use as i saw fit an if she was to disobey me or even hesitate to do as she was told i should punish her until she learns to behave. She decided her punishment should be a combination of letting her get to edge of orgasm over an over through that session the stop b4 it happens only to make her either go back to suckin dick or to fuck her in her ass until she apologizes.( until 3 weeks ago anal was literally the only thing we hadn't done EVER! But that night she insisted, she had lube ready an was tense with just a finger but again told me that if i didn't go through with it then our deal isnt worth the paper its on. So i did an surprisingly went very well)

In this agreement she wrote up an i did ultimately decide to agree too. It laya out how we are not dating, not a couple, and this would be our only relationship between us besides things with kids when necessary. Its now been 6 weeks total i believe an i mean she has been 100 percent true to what she said she wanted an how she would do her absolute best effort to adhere too. I mean i literally text her 4 or 5 times a week at random times an tell her to xome to me or meet an have her strip naked (2 days ago i had her meet me at public pond area, an i looked around for 10 or 15 mins an seen besides us the only ppl there were 2 older guys fishing on other side of pond. We were standing just inside tye tree line surrounding the pond. so i asked her to strip am she did then i had give me oral while using her fingers to massage her gspot an she gives good, deep, sloppy head too ahe loves choking herself giving head) an give me oral etc.. an she never says anything but yes sir, thank you sir and can i or may i etc... then when we are done we clean up, get dressed, say a few words such as goodbye or telling her sje was perfect an shell say something like thank you, hope to i can please u again soon then we go our separate ways till next time.

Im always atleast trying to ask her if shea sure this is what an how she wants things. If she'd maybe wants to try an reconcile n get back together ultimately or what she wants from tbis long term an she always says no. She says i love you, but i only ever cried when i had thoughts about being able to meet someone else an how unlikely they could understand what i need and what ive grown so used to getting for so long sexually. So id be unsatisfied for rest of my life or id spend all my time trying to teach em to be u an how do i do that without making him feel like the off brand of you an knowing how we were so good sexually together etc.. it wouldn't be fair to anyone she says.

My issue is that this is great, i enjoy our arrangement. But to me im thinking that she is wanting or expecting this to be a permanent an forever thing. Shes even brought up that she thinks we should keep doing it secretly between ourselves even after we both eventually are with other ppl an they can have the marriage life etc... an we can keep doing what we do. In my mind thats crazy, i couldn't do that to another person. I think i could do without our arrangement an prefer connecting with a single other person on all level. Its what i believe in.

So basically id like to know if anyone else is in a similar situation, if so how has it worked out. Do u think it can even last long term? Should i start hinting to her about how i believe its will probably have to end eventually? Maybe start easing up on how idk the words here i guess how intense we are when we do it? Any other advice?

An as a p.s.... in case anyone reads this an thinks its overblown or stretched truths type story from some guy pumping himself up etc.. i wannas say 1st that ive tried to be as clear as possible and an described exactly what this relationship is like. I dont think im just so great she cant live without me or anything like that. Im a decent looking guy but rather average guy to, no i dont have a 12in dong or anything that impressive, more like 6.5in if im being honest. My ex wife tho is pretty special, shes very attractive at 5'2 105 lbs. Six pack abs,blond curly hair and bright green eyes, small B cup, very nice pink pussy with nice perfect sized pussy lips that juat stays so wet constantly! I am truly fortunate to be with her, thats why i married her. She is still perfect image of what my perfect woman would look like. We just couldn't get around a few issues an spent 20 yrs together starting as teenagers so i guess we changed, not the Same ppl as we were then, thats why we ended up splitting up. I still would love if everything worked out eventually an i had her to myself forever but thats a long shot at this point an honestly i just really dont want something so fun we both enjoy so much turning into a nightmare. N obviously not something ud get advice about or talk about even with the family an friends ud normally seek it from, lol
 

Sirhappyj

Kink Talk Member
  • Bisexual
  • Male
  • Dominant
Jun 20, 2019
30
8
8
Hi, im new here. Im a male,35, 6ft 245lbs. I joined to get advice on what i believe is a unheard of or atleast very rare situation i find myself in. Ill start with some background...

Me and my wife separated 9 months ago and filed for divorce 3 months ago. We met when we were 16 an jad our 1st son before i turned 17. We got married after our 3rd an final child when i was 25. We were both obviously very young an besides 2 previous partners i was sexually active with b4 we met (im the only sexual partner shes ever had to this point) . We were always very kinky, right from the start!! We had piles and piles of toys an machines, we dressed up, roleplayed, bondage an more our entire marriage. We would fuck for 1-3 hrs per session daily when younger an still after 19 years together we still did the same atleast 2-3x a week. She always enjoyed being dominated, controlled. She would tell me to just use me, make me whatever kinda fuck toy u want, on 10 -15 different occasions through the years she would surprise me by bringing 1 of her friends home with her on a night we didn't have kids etc... an for hours shed let me do as i pleased to her an she always made sure her friend wanted the same an understood what would happen an was comfortable erc.. they always were. I spent a few 3 day weekends with her an a particular friend over the years, wed get a hotel room, set up our gear an toys an theyd show up an we would just stay naked an not leave the room at all. We ate an bathed together. Took breaks together etc... she continued playing with us for years even after my wifes friend had gotten married tho i never felt right about keeping that secret from him but i enjoyed my girls, lol. 3-5-6 orgasm a session to where wed have to stop a min or to so she could stop shaking an catch her breath, she is also a squirter!!. Needless to say if nothing else we had a healthy sex life. Now thats our sexual background.

When we separated we id continue to meet up for sex etc.. same way as we always had. But it got less frequent after filing for our actual divorce and i had also started seeing and sleeping with another woman id met about the same time. We ended up breaking up about 6 weeks ago an i had mentioned to my ex that she was very conservative in bed, not my style. An 3 days later i get a letter in the mail and opened it up. It was from my ex wife. 3.5 pages she called "the agreement" detailing how we would agree that for the next year, we would have a purely sexual relationship only in which i would be 100percent in control of. Whenever(within reason obviously) i wanted her she would comply. I was to think of her as my personal fuck toy to use as i saw fit an if she was to disobey me or even hesitate to do as she was told i should punish her until she learns to behave. She decided her punishment should be a combination of letting her get to edge of orgasm over an over through that session the stop b4 it happens only to make her either go back to suckin dick or to fuck her in her ass until she apologizes.( until 3 weeks ago anal was literally the only thing we hadn't done EVER! But that night she insisted, she had lube ready an was tense with just a finger but again told me that if i didn't go through with it then our deal isnt worth the paper its on. So i did an surprisingly went very well)

In this agreement she wrote up an i did ultimately decide to agree too. It laya out how we are not dating, not a couple, and this would be our only relationship between us besides things with kids when necessary. Its now been 6 weeks total i believe an i mean she has been 100 percent true to what she said she wanted an how she would do her absolute best effort to adhere too. I mean i literally text her 4 or 5 times a week at random times an tell her to xome to me or meet an have her strip naked (2 days ago i had her meet me at public pond area, an i looked around for 10 or 15 mins an seen besides us the only ppl there were 2 older guys fishing on other side of pond. We were standing just inside tye tree line surrounding the pond. so i asked her to strip am she did then i had give me oral while using her fingers to massage her gspot an she gives good, deep, sloppy head too ahe loves choking herself giving head) an give me oral etc.. an she never says anything but yes sir, thank you sir and can i or may i etc... then when we are done we clean up, get dressed, say a few words such as goodbye or telling her sje was perfect an shell say something like thank you, hope to i can please u again soon then we go our separate ways till next time.

Im always atleast trying to ask her if shea sure this is what an how she wants things. If she'd maybe wants to try an reconcile n get back together ultimately or what she wants from tbis long term an she always says no. She says i love you, but i only ever cried when i had thoughts about being able to meet someone else an how unlikely they could understand what i need and what ive grown so used to getting for so long sexually. So id be unsatisfied for rest of my life or id spend all my time trying to teach em to be u an how do i do that without making him feel like the off brand of you an knowing how we were so good sexually together etc.. it wouldn't be fair to anyone she says.

My issue is that this is great, i enjoy our arrangement. But to me im thinking that she is wanting or expecting this to be a permanent an forever thing. Shes even brought up that she thinks we should keep doing it secretly between ourselves even after we both eventually are with other ppl an they can have the marriage life etc... an we can keep doing what we do. In my mind thats crazy, i couldn't do that to another person. I think i could do without our arrangement an prefer connecting with a single other person on all level. Its what i believe in.

So basically id like to know if anyone else is in a similar situation, if so how has it worked out. Do u think it can even last long term? Should i start hinting to her about how i believe its will probably have to end eventually? Maybe start easing up on how idk the words here i guess how intense we are when we do it? Any other advice?

An as a p.s.... in case anyone reads this an thinks its overblown or stretched truths type story from some guy pumping himself up etc.. i wannas say 1st that ive tried to be as clear as possible and an described exactly what this relationship is like. I dont think im just so great she cant live without me or anything like that. Im a decent looking guy but rather average guy to, no i dont have a 12in dong or anything that impressive, more like 6.5in if im being honest. My ex wife tho is pretty special, shes very attractive at 5'2 105 lbs. Six pack abs,blond curly hair and bright green eyes, small B cup, very nice pink pussy with nice perfect sized pussy lips that juat stays so wet constantly! I am truly fortunate to be with her, thats why i married her. She is still perfect image of what my perfect woman would look like. We just couldn't get around a few issues an spent 20 yrs together starting as teenagers so i guess we changed, not the Same ppl as we were then, thats why we ended up splitting up. I still would love if everything worked out eventually an i had her to myself forever but thats a long shot at this point an honestly i just really dont want something so fun we both enjoy so much turning into a nightmare. N obviously not something ud get advice about or talk about even with the family an friends ud normally seek it from, lol
I think its really hard to find the perfect kinky person and if this agreement works why not stick with it. Dont worry so much about the future but deal with the now and if when this start getting complicated you can evaluate the situation then.
 

gbdare

<:: Verified ::>
  • Straight
  • Male
  • Switch
May 18, 2011
63
18
8
I'm going to answer from the perspective of someone who had the opposite problem in a past relationship. My wife at the time and I were extremely compatible on pretty much everything except sex and she and I essentially stopped having sex. She had no interest in changing that situation and basically wanted to stay together in a sexless marriage and I was very much not happy with that situation. I stayed with her for a couple of years like that because other than the lack of sex, the relationship worked really well and it was tough to face ending it and starting to look for someone new. Ultimately though, although she was quite satisfied with things as they were, I realized that I was really unhappy and dissatisfied with things and we mutually agreed it was time to go our separate ways. I realize that's a very different situation than yours, but the common thing is the lack of balance between the sexual and non-sexual aspects of the relationship. Both sides of that equation have to work or you're likely going to have problems.

It sounds like what you have is a workable agreement for now since you both seem to be enjoying the arrangement. I kind of wonder if maybe she's even more into it now that you're not a couple and she's basically your sex slave (it's a bit more taboo that way than if you're a couple). Be that as it may, it's all well and good when it's just between the two of you, but I suspect at some point one or both of you is going to meet someone you want to have a deeper romantic relationship with. You said yourself that you'd prefer that to your arrangement with your ex and it wouldn't be right to go behind your new partner's back to continue with it, so I think you've pretty much answered your own question.

I'm sure it's "comfortable", not to mention sexually rewarding, to keep things status quo. Unfortunately, staying with the arrangement limits your, and her, opportunities for moving forward with your lives and finding partners who are on the same page as to what each of you is looking for. Despite what she said about not being able to find someone else who is compatible with her sexual kinks, I think you and she will find that there are other kinky people out there for both of you. It may take some extra effort and time to find your matches, as such people are in a smaller dating pool than average, but using your current arrangement as a pleasant diversion ultimately reduces your chances of finding more compatible partners. You and she can maximize your odds of finding people with compatible kinks using sites that are dedicated to kink dating and networking, such as fetlife, and alt.com, as well as local kink groups and munches (which you can usually find leads to through fetlife). I wouldn't say you need to end the arrangement immediately, especially with the COVID situation putting the damper on dating in general. But I do think it would be a good idea for both of you to start looking in new directions and being clear with each other about what you want long-term and for you to set the expectation with her that this is not going to be a permanent thing. Perhaps you can even work together to find potential new kinky partners for each other!
 

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