When kink is the native language

[sideris]

I think I've learned kinky fantasies before vanilla sex, even though I didn't have words to define them yet.

As a consequence, ashamed of those fantasies and feeling different from others, I've never engaged in a relationship or never had those kind of experiences
teenagers usually do.

I have a romantic side though, I know what it means to fall in love and to develop sincere feelings.
But I don't want to drag possibly vanilla women into this "dirty dark" world of my subconscious, especially now that I'm more aware of it.

So I don't even start talking when I finally meet someone I like. How could I give her a romantic story/relationship when I'm almost asexual?
My primary instinct to have sex with a potential partner is very weak compared to the submissive impulses of mine.
I think I don't have much to offer so I never make a move.

I thought I could fit into the asexual community but then I've realized that it would mean not to be completely honest with myself.
Looking for a partner online would probably make things easier because you can tell everything in advance by building a profile.
But I don't think it's a good idea anymore.

I would be interested in hearing your thoughts, or similar experiences if any.
Thanks.

 

[andrei]

May I ask what age are you? You seem young and unexperienced in a romantic relationship as much as I understand. You know how to fall in love, everyone knows that but you don't sound to have been in love with someone (let's say a relationship at least 6 months to 1 year).

Don't think much about yourself, just go with the flow. Find someone you are comfortable to be with, if you are shy she will do the rest. I am talking from my old experience of a shy frustrated teenager. Found my love at 19, before that I was whining about my long distance first love and why nothing worked.

When you will love someone and love you back you will find the relation could go in the direction you want, or you will feel like changing. Or probably go for another relation later but the experience will help you discover more about yourself. Then you will question things differently.

So don't shoot straight for what you want or you will be seen as egocentric and get unhappy with your finding. Don't push, relations are build on what both people feel in common.

Trust in yourself. Better call yourself SUB and not SLAVE at first. If you find a dominant you like (and that's your pick) is her merit to enslave you and change your status to SLAVE.

PS I started watching the Korean movie "Love and Leashes" on Netflix. Less than half of it but looks similar to what I am writing here.

 

[sideris]

Hi Andrei and thanks for your reply. I know I might sound younger in my post but those were pretty much my thoughts thinking about my past. I feel I have partly mentally degressed in writing that but I'm actually 34.
I think I partly agree with you on everything you wrote.

About my slave status it's not about being a slave to someone, I would never call myself that way to people I don't know. It's more about the fact that I din't have a choice in choosing what to be. It's like my sub sexuality and I, are completely different parts of myself with different values and perspectives and so I'm enslaved by my own sexuality. But yeah I could probably change that status anyway.

I've never forced or pushed things, actually the opposite happened to me.
I used to have a good friendship (years of friendship) with someone but she tried to drive things further
with me. I rejected and that friendship broke. Despite she being attractive and she probably knew a little bit about my kinks, I didn't really love her. Not enough at least to ruin the friendship.

Also at that time I was probably still in love with my first vanilla crush.

Anyway thanks for your advices, I'll surely think more about them.

 

[andrei]

At first I was kind of thinking about a teenager writing he's frustrations, that's why I asked. I thought your were underaged. Sorry I might have been acted weird.

I am not very good in advicing ( I suddeny have problems and argues here I can't talk about) but glad to chat later.


Maybe I am not focused today but DO call yourself SUB, not SLAVE. Submission is good. Slave is after you decide your purpose but usually it's garbage in my oppinion to take a slave role to someone before you know.