Why did you become interested in BDSM or other kinky sex?

[subdream]

We just have our own little fantasies or fetishes that we eventually may want to try out ourselves. We might have to wait until we're comfortable enough with our partner to bring up the subject of BDSM or kinks. It may be us or our play partner that initiates "experimentation" but I doubt that many people try BDSM or kink simply because vanilla sex or whatever, isn't doing it for them anymore. It just takes a while to know a partner's likes and dislikes to be willing to try something new. It looks like the others here have said similar things.

I couldn't have described my very own feeling any better.

I was interested in bondage and abduction even before I hit puberty. I tried lots of different kinks, most of them on myself. And I recently had the opportunity to try out being a submissive for a while. I had fun, but it's not that I can't enjoy vanilla anymore. Quite the contrary: While I enjoy elaborate sessions that last for a while, I can also pretty much enjoy some plain simple sex.

Ordinary sex was and is still pretty fine to me.

 

[Painlesuffering]

I never tried with a partner (an actual real person) considering they're also not present in my fantasies. Would I enjoy it? Maybe. But for now, it's a moment I share only with myself and something that had my interest since childhood.

 

[Moon Shadow]

I am a 65 year old married male.
I track my obsession with BDSM and other kinks to my early years.
I had two older girl cousins who lived next to me and at about 3rd grade they used to gang up on me and tie me up and tease me and tickle me. I found it arousing and started getting erections from it.
My aunt, their mom about a year later punished me for something I do not recall with an over the knee underwear pulled down bare hand spanking. I got hard as a rock and the wicked smile on her face sealed the deal. After it was over and she told me to stand up, she looked at my pre teen hard on and she just laughed. I pulled up my pants and ran away, never telling anyone what had happened.
Since then I have always found Kink so arousing, but I kept it well hidden for decades.
Now fast forward and when I was 26 years old, bartending I met a girl who came in to listen to the band. She was the spitting image of Pat Benatar. This is the early 1980's and she is dressed in skin tight, black leather pants and a white silky top with stiletto heels. She hung at at the waitress station all night and we exchanged flirts.
When the night was over, we wound up at her place. Smoked a little weed and started discussing likes and dislikes. That is when she told me she enjoyed dominating guys by tying them up and pegging them with a strap on. Well I was just in the right frame of mind to not run away and she sensed the "interest" in my eyes I guess.
That night was the first night that I equated incredible sex with BDSM. Not sure how she picked me out as someone who would be a willing partner? I wonder sometimes if we put out unspoken signals that can be picked up by others with similar tastes?
Those three events started and cemented by BDSM journey.
Fast forward 10 years later in my mid 30's and I get married to a wonderful sexy woman. I never mention my secret kinks and we have nice vanilla sex for 25 years. After the kids are grown and out of the house we had a lot more time on our hands and got back into romance. One night I bravely started to tell her about my sexual wants. I was waiting for the you are a pig look, but instead she just said I wish you would have told me that 25 years ago we could have had a lot of fun. Since then I have been buying her outfits and toys and restraints and we have been learning a lot about each other again. Never too late.
Not sure if the Kink gene is something some of us are born with, or if it just something we pick up along the way.

 

[Truthfully]

Not sure if the Kink gene is something some of us are born with, or if it just something we pick up along the way.

Is it so that your story contains one or two very long pauses (even decades) from any BDSM? In that case, it sounds like something that you like, but can also live without.

 

[Moon Shadow]

Is it so that your story contains one or two very long pauses (even decades) from any BDSM? In that case, it sounds like something that you like, but can also live without.

It was something I thought I could live without. And did for many years.
But since I opened up about this with my wife I find that this Kink lifestyle is something I can no longer live without. We still have spontaneous vanilla sex, but I look forward to our more planned sessions.
I just regret all the prime time I missed in my 30's-50's that I missed out on.

 

[Truthfully]

I look forward to our more planned sessions.

Many people out there on the internet say that they feel a so-called "drop" some days after kinky sex? (You probably have heard about it, as this is so common in kinky circles.) Your narrative sounds more carefree. Would you say that BDSM contains for you and your wife only positive sides, and no remarkable negative side effects -- as carefree as any vanilla sex would be?

 

[Moon Shadow]

Many people out there on the internet say that they feel a so-called "drop" some days after kinky sex? (You probably have heard about it, as this is so common in kinky circles.) Your narrative sounds more carefree. Would you say that BDSM contains for you and your wife only positive sides, and no remarkable negative side effects -- as carefree as any vanilla sex would be?

Most definitely. No negative feeling so far by either of us.
We both enjoy the carefree freedom of just doing to ourselves and to each other what feels good.
My only negative feeling is that I missed out on decades of pleasure when I was in my prime.
My advice to anyone is do not repress feelings, life is too short.

 

[subdream]

I just regret all the prime time I missed in my 30's-50's that I missed out on.

Don't. One will always regret things, regardless of the choices one made.

 

[Truthfully]

Most definitely. No negative feeling so far by either of us.

Would you assess your activities as equal to any average BDSM? Not "softer", not less painful than what most people do out there? The outcome of this question would be: why don't you feel the negative side effects that so many kinky people speak about? Because you can tolerate what the others don't fully tolerate, or because you play softer than most out there?

 

[Moon Shadow]

Would you assess your activities as equal to any average BDSM? Not "softer", not less painful than what most people do out there? The outcome of this question would be: why don't you feel the negative side effects that so many kinky people speak about? Because you can tolerate what the others don't fully tolerate, or because you play softer than most out there?

Probably softer than most. Extreme pain is not something we are into.