Your Mate is Masturbating on web cam

yvonnewilcox

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Jul 30, 2008
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#3
A co worker told me he got divorced because of webcam cheating

This is was strange to me butI guess I understand the logic. The wife comes in and he is naked on cam with a naked female watching him with dildo in hand. I do not know what I would do in an actual situation like this.
 

avpr

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May 6, 2008
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#4
Oh come on!

If the surveys are right, at least 40% of both men and women have affairs. It takes some guts to have an affair, so you can be sure a great many more would like to have one. This would suggest that the majority of people get sexually bored in their marriages.

So he was jerking-off on cam. Your choice is to make a big deal of it and potentially begin the end of your relationship -or- acknowledge that he needs a bit of variety and embrace it. You might join him in his late night shows, think about ways of putting more in to your sex life or consider joining a BDSM club or Club ?changiste.

I acknowledge that the second option would test a lot of people. If I hadn't met someone who tested me in this way but continued to make me feel like I was the centre of her universe I would never have grown in to the very emotionally stable and sexually confident person I am today.

Remember that growth sometimes requires being taken out of one's comfort zone.
 

AlienMindsInc

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May 25, 2008
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#5
It takes some guts to do a lot of things. That isn't an excuse.

You're assuming of course, that the variety isn't there. I'd like to tell you that I participate in every fetish, with only two exceptions, at least once, on both the dom and sub side of things. So the lack of variety isn't an excuse either.

The real problem behind a cheating spouse, and in my mind, webcam sex is definitely cheating, is that there is a lack of communication there. The mere fact that he got up the nerve to do it tells me not only is he dissatisfied with me, but he's too afraid to talk about it. Now granted, if he came to me and said "I want to do X" I'd probably be okay with it, as long as it stayed purely online. The issue isn't one with the action so much as lack of trust the action seeds. Once a cheater always a cheater, how will you ever know if the cheating stopped? How can you trust your mate to not cheat again?

So, yes, in my case, there is a 99% chance that the relationship will be over come morning. The longer the relationship lasts, the less that chance is, but even if I am with the person for 20 years, I can't ever see that chance dropping below 80%. I simply don't share. Period. I'm willing to do a 3 way relationship with a slave/pet and a mate, but outside of that, I still don't share.
 

yvonnewilcox

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Jul 30, 2008
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#6
Years ago I had a very good friend

Years ago I had a very good friend that did threesomes with her lover and they were ok with it until one day her lover had sex with someone they had previously did a threesome with. My friend could not handle that, I was confused :confused:, I did not understand the logic. I asked my friend why was she so upset because you both were with her at one time. She told me that it is not the same thing as my partner being with her without me. Oh now I get it, it is cheating because you both agreed on the sex with the third person but your partner broke the rule.
 

Simplyme

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May 13, 2008
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#7
That is exactly what makes it wrong. A threesome in a "relationship" typically is discussed and accepted as a couple as something done as a couple. You step outside the relationship even with a shared lover and you are cheating and good chance hurting someone. Especially in some alternative style relationships "trust" is so very important and even a small deed can ruin it if it casts doubt on ones ability to be trusted.

I'd not mind the internet thing if it stayed on the internet and if it is a two way web cam then I would think I deserved to be informed prior to the act. A one way cam I am not so concerned as that makes if very impersonal.
 

yvonnewilcox

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Jul 30, 2008
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#8
It is the principal of the issue

I'd not mind the internet thing if it stayed on the internet and if it is a two way web cam then I would think I deserved to be informed prior to the act. A one way cam I am not so concerned as that makes if very impersonal.
I agree with you. If the relationship is built on trust and understanding that we are not to do anyone alone then that should be respected. The two way web cam action brings a whole new twist to just masturbating alone on cam.
 

SubMissChievous

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Jan 9, 2008
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#9
It takes some guts to have an affair
Sorry but I just don't see how much guts it takes to act behind another person's back much less a life partner... A lot of people do it so it doesn't show much as far as how gutsy one has to be to cheat.

Telling your partner what you would really want, even when you know or even just suspect that this may challenge you relationship take real guts. That's why less people are able to do it. It's much easier to take the easy way, cheat on your partner, hope not to get caught so you won't find yourself having to explain & discuss like an adult...

avpr said:
So he was jerking-off on cam. Your choice is to make a big deal of it and potentially begin the end of your relationship -or- acknowledge that he needs a bit of variety and embrace it.
Lack of variety is only one among many reasons why a person would cheat. A lot of people do it because they are not happy period. They are unstatisfied with their relationship (and not only about the sex part) but they won't break up & leave because they are afraid of being alone. So they lie & cheat because they want the best of both worlds so to speak. Sad but true...

avpr said:
Remember that growth sometimes requires being taken out of one's comfort zone.
You're right about that. But that implies that a person needs, wants and/or is able to do so. It's not the case for everyone. And the worst mistake would be for one person to participate in an activity that they don't really want just to please or not to lose their partner.
 

sweet10hearts

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Aug 13, 2008
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#10
I don't care if mate masturbates on web. It's no different than doing it to skin mags. It is more fulfilling to him. He gets the person to do what he needs. Sometimes he watches cam girls but he's too cheap to pay, he just watches. It's a moving magazine.
 

yvonnewilcox

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Jul 30, 2008
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#11
The point

I don't care if mate masturbates on web. It's no different than doing it to skin mags. It is more fulfilling to him. He gets the person to do what he needs. Sometimes he watches cam girls but he's too cheap to pay, he just watches. It's a moving magazine.
I guess the main point is he got out of bed with you to run to someone else for a cum session. I would have thought he would try to wake you up first and then use the webcam as an alternative.
 

Momof2

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Jun 24, 2008
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#12
Oh no couldn't have that, doing that with someone else for real or online it's a no no sorry bye bye and see you .
 

noteworthy

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May 6, 2008
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#13
exhibitionist

I think that although people are in relationships or have partners, some people enjoy exhibitionism. Much safer doing that on cam than going out into public and exposing yourself. Perhaps that person was just getting into his particular kink. I have a cam and I definitely enjoy going on cam and enjoying myself while people watch.
 

sweet10hearts

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#15
I think that although people are in relationships or have partners, some people enjoy exhibitionism. Much safer doing that on cam than going out into public and exposing yourself. Perhaps that person was just getting into his particular kink. I have a cam and I definitely enjoy going on cam and enjoying myself while people watch.
very good point. i have friend who loves to show himself on cam. sometimes he likes to masturbate in crowded parking lots. i think him on cam is far safer and he is know someone is watching him which is better for him.
 

rremm2000

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Sep 1, 2008
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#17
This is was strange to me butI guess I understand the logic. The wife comes in and he is naked on cam with a naked female watching him with dildo in hand. I do not know what I would do in an actual situation like this.
I think I would join them or tell him to make sure to clean everything before bed....lol


It's not that big of a deal, it's like checking guys out at work, is that cheating just because I didn't get caught? to me it's harmless fun and should be enjoyed by all.....
 

Dementyia

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May 14, 2008
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#18
The real question is, did your partner talk to you about it first, and get it okayed as an exploration of their personal kink, an extension of your combined sexual relationship, or did they sneak around behind your back and do it as something hidden.

There would be the dividing like for me as to whether it would be cheating or not.

If they hadn't talked openly with me about it first, then I would view it as cheating, and the relationship would likely be on it's way to being over. Trust is almost more important than love to me in a relationship, and without that, there is nothing.
 

odineu

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May 18, 2008
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#19
Its... a mix

The thing I think is wrong with it is that they didn't mention it or ask if it was ok to do. I believe that things online and offline are very different... only in real life can you have a true emotional relationship with someone... so something like that isn't a huge deal for me... I would have just wanted to know about it before hand.