How do I get my master to be more 'forceful'?

[Kitty]

First off, I didn't know which section to put this in, so if a mod or some such sees this and has some qualms about it being here, feel free to move it and/or lecture me. But since it's a question about a dom from a sub, lo and behold, I post it in the submissive lounge~

So yes, without dragging this on too long, how do I get my *master to be more 'forceful'? This whole sub/dom thing has been prevalent in our relationship for a few years now, so we're not new to it, or anything. It's not a 24/7 sub/dom relationship either, the longest we've carried it on continuously was a month or two. He was the one who suggested this 'relationship style' in the first place, luckily we both shared the same fetishes and whatnot.

A lot of the time, he can be amazingly forceful, and that's actually mostly if he's in a bad mood, or if the 'desire' overcomes him, and I enjoy it very much. (I'm like uber-masochist of the year.)
Thing is, a lot of the time, he's also very 'soft'. I can't really explain it other than he's overly concerned for my safety, e.g. He'll be spanking me, then stop if I start to bleed, (which is normal anyway because I bruise/bleed easily and he's a big guy (6'3" and 200-220lbs) and I'm a lil' gal (5'1'' and 110-120lbs), so even if he's not trying to be harsh, which I'd like him to, he can generally cause a bit of 'damage' without trying.) and I actually find him being 'soft' as ruining the experience. He'll also maybe hold back on his punishments, which I actually dislike, but I think he goes easy on me because I'm so small, or something. He's told me many a time that he enjoys the dominant role, and he was the one who picked it for himself in the first place, so I'm not sure if I'm just too demanding and if he sees that I'm taking it too far.

I've tried outright telling him, which is a short term solution to a long term problem, lasts about one day or so. I've also tried 'testing' him, I.e. disobeying his orders on purpose, which again, is a short term solution to a long term problem.

So, TL;DR: Do I just have to keep pushing with the hints, or is there a long term solution to this problem? So yeah, inputs from anyone are appreciated. ~
(And nope, he doesn't have an account on here.)

*Also, I know it's not a 'true' (Oh you purists~) master/slave thing, considering it's not a 24/7 thing (though I'd like it to be,) I just refer to him as Master, because he likes to be referred to as that, and he's the only one I'm devoted to and etc. etc. ~

 

[shadowice0823]

If telling him you don't need him take it easy on you and that you enjoy the pain doesn't work, and disobeying him don't work your running low on options. You could try bluffing and tell him maybe you need to find a more forceful master but that could turn out bad for you if he lets you go then you have lost one you liked.

 

[stubenkueken1984]

There are 2 possibilities why you master is not as forceful as you wish him to be.
1) he is afraid of freighten/harm you if he does more. That does not mean that he don't know that you would like it more rough it could be just a barrier in his head. In this case it could work if you two set up some sort of safeword (look here for more information) so he must not be afraid of going to far. Alo you could set up some sort of go-word. This word should tell him that you want him to be very rough and you should use this word at the beginning of every session. If this works for a while you could tell him that you want im to be that rough every time unless you said something else.

2) He is not into it as much as you are. In this case you have 3 options
a)deal with it
b)look for another, more forceful, master.
c)try to teach him to be more forceful. beg him to punish you harder, beg him not to stop at the moment you start to bleed, tell him you want to be "used". But you have to be careful and start slowly or you could freighten him away.

I hope i could help you.

 

[Kitty]

If telling him you don't need him take it easy on you and that you enjoy the pain doesn't work, and disobeying him don't work your running low on options. You could try bluffing and tell him maybe you need to find a more forceful master but that could turn out bad for you if he lets you go then you have lost one you liked.

Thing is, away from the whole BDSM aspect of our relationship, I love him a lot. He -IS- aggressive outside of that, and as I said -HE- was the one who suggested the whole master/slave~dom/sub aspect of our relationship. But yeah, I wouldn't want to lose him since I'm romantically into him as well as sexually attracted and whatnot, I'm honestly pretty sure he feels the same way and that might be why, just asking for suggestions~
In all honesty, he's real forceful anyway, I'm just too demanding. Thanks for your input anyway, bro~ the bluffing actually might work. Gonna try that.

 

[Kitty]

There are 2 possibilities why you master is not as forceful as you wish him to be.
1) he is afraid of freighten/harm you if he does more. That does not mean that he don't know that you would like it more rough it could be just a barrier in his head. In this case it could work if you two set up some sort of safeword (look here for more information) so he must not be afraid of going to far. Alo you could set up some sort of go-word. This word should tell him that you want him to be very rough and you should use this word at the beginning of every session. If this works for a while you could tell him that you want im to be that rough every time unless you said something else.

2) He is not into it as much as you are. In this case you have 3 options
a)deal with it
b)look for another, more forceful, master.
c)try to teach him to be more forceful. beg him to punish you harder, beg him not to stop at the moment you start to bleed, tell him you want to be "used". But you have to be careful and start slowly or you could freighten him away.

I hope i could help you.

1) Yeah, we actually don't have a safeword in place, since I dislike the idea of that, I feel it limits the submission aspect since I'd be given control which would be a turn off, but setting it up mightn't be a bad idea if I never got to use it.

2a) Yah, but as I said, he was the one who suggested it, maybe I overwhelmed him with liking it so much, and as I said, he was going along with this for three years. He's never suggested a switch role, and he's always been 'dominant', even non-sexually, so I assume he enjoys the role.

b) Sadly I have attachment problems which stem from daddy issues, but as I said in relation to the first post: I could try bluffing that.

c) I haven't tried saying it 'in the moment' as not to 'break character' or something, but sure, I could try that.

Thanks for the help chum~

 

[stubenkueken1984]

1) Yeah, we actually don't have a safeword in place, since I dislike the idea of that, I feel it limits the submission aspect since I'd be given control which would be a turn off, but setting it up mightn't be a bad idea if I never got to use it.

A Safeword is never wrong. It will be up to you if you use it or not. And especially in this case your master could lose his inhibitions.

2a) Yah, but as I said, he was the one who suggested it, maybe I overwhelmed him with liking it so much, and as I said, he was going along with this for three years. He's never suggested a switch role, and he's always been 'dominant', even non-sexually, so I assume he enjoys the role.

I didn't meaned that hes ist not into it i just said he might not be THAT into it like you are. Perhabs he just like to give you some little pain but don't like to abuse you that much.
And it's not easy to be a master. You will have to do enough so your slave could enjoy his/her submissive side but not that much to freighten your slave away. This part is much more important if you slave is someoe you like or even love because you don't want to lose him/her

c) I haven't tried saying it 'in the moment' as not to 'break character' or something, but sure, I could try that.

You don't break the character if you say something like "please master, punish me harder" (or something else) and it will show him that he is not breaking any limits.

 

[Kitty]

A Safeword is never wrong. It will be up to you if you use it or not. And especially in this case your master could lose his inhibitions.

Actually talked to him about this, hopefully gonna see if it works by tonight/tomorrow.

 

[stubenkueken1984]

Actually talked to him about this, hopefully gonna see if it works by tonight/tomorrow.

What did he think about?
I have another idea that could work. But first try the ones from the posts.
PM me if you couldn't get the whole thing working.

 

[Kitty]

What did he think about?
I have another idea that could work. But first try the ones from the posts.
PM me if you couldn't get the whole thing working.

If I explained how he reacted it probably wouldn't make much sense, but trust me when I say I think he's got 'it' in his head. He actually refused the safeword, but I honestly think me asking for one sort of 'clicked' something. It's hard to explain with my sub-par vocabulary.

And sure thing bro, thanks for the ideas.~ I appreciate it.

 

[stubenkueken1984]

If I explained how he reacted it probably wouldn't make much sense, but trust me when I say I think he's got 'it' in his head. He actually refused the safeword, but I honestly think me asking for one sort of 'clicked' something. It's hard to explain with my sub-par vocabulary.

And sure thing bro, thanks for the ideas.~ I appreciate it.

You need to make sure that he understands why you want the safeword. Not that he starts thinking that this is to hard for you and you want a way to "stop" him.

 

[Kitty]

You need to make sure that he understands why you want the safeword. Not that he starts thinking that this is to hard for you and you want a way to "stop" him.

Trust me, I made it clear.
I'll see how this plays out.

 

[stubenkueken1984]

Could you manage to get him more forceful?