Not Liking the Kinkyness

[sammy_girl]

So obviously I like kinky stuff, or I wouldn't be here. But I don't like that I like kinky stuff, if that makes sense. I actually kind of hate it, but I need it in order to ever get off. Particularly the fantasy of being used by older men. I don't mean to offend anyone by saying this, but to be honest I find it kind of gross when I'm not turned on. I seriously hate it about myself, but I can't help needing it.
Is anyone else like this, or is there something wrong with me? I'm 19 if that means anything.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

This is quite a common reaction in newbies especially younger ones like you. Part of the issue could be that your whole life you were told these types of things were wicked or wrong and you have trouble reconciling them with the reality you have discovered.
I think there is also something of the "guilty pleasure" about this, like eating too much chocolate, you feel its wrong but do it anyway. And therein lies the crux, the rush you get from doing something naughty. You like it precisely because its something you think you shouldn't be doing.

I suggest you discuss these feelings with other subs and see what their reactions have been.

 

[sammy_girl]

Thanks. I don't know if I'd really consider myself a newbie though. I know I'm 19 so I shouldn't have been doing this sort of thing very long, but I've liked it for as long as I can remember. I can remember laying in bed at like 12 years old and dreaming about middle aged men using me, without even knowing was sex was at the time.
I also don't view it as wrong, I'm going to look down on someone for doing it, I think people should do what they want, but it just makes me feel so disgusting. I don't know though, maybe you're right. Thanks for answering.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

Perhaps a clarification, it's not so much that you believe it's wrong more that I suspect you think your family and friends would consider it wrong?

 

[sammy_girl]

I'm sure some of them would think it's wrong, I'm not ashamed of it or anything though. I mean it's not like I go around telling people, but I wouldn't really care what they thought. It just makes me feel awful afterwards, not that I did something wrong though, I just feel disgusting. I don't know, I guess it's hard to explain.

 

[Dragoste]

Hi Sammu no ofence taken, there is something curiose abouth the philias, is something we develop, something we learn by joung and as we grow we develop more tuned "likes", so there is nothing rong with you, some one like to have vanila sex, some others pony sex, and many develop another likes that the normal society desaprove, as long you dont hurt any one (whit out his permission) is fine.

What worry me is your guilty feeling, maybe is just that you dont get use to, maybe is just a negation of your likes,

in any case if this interfeer whit your life go to a doctor he wil guide you.

My personal and NOT profecional advice is to take it easy try to accept your self and if you like to be with older men, congrats, dont feel bad about it, many things in life are a matter of get use, just like beer, dance, and in some cases sex, good luck and be happy.

 

[sophiaspanties]

Just messaged you my thoughts

 

[MasterMichaelNY]

There's nothing wrong with philias, it's very common. If you go over to Fet Life, you'll see alot of phillias groups. Maybe you should share your feelings over there and see if there are any other woman who feel the same way. As for me, I like younger woman, and i'm 53, and other men my age don't because they feel that they are robbing the cradle. To each their own, you pursue what makes you happy. The last thing you want to do is look back on your life 20 years from now, and regret not doing something.

 

[marygaye69]

Hi. I don't think it''s unusual to wonder about yourself, and your sexuality at your age. I know you probably think you know yourself very well but you will change. The older you get the more comfortable with yourself you become. Every decade has its own charms and you haven't ended your second yet...you have plenty of time to come to terms with yourself.
I understand how you feel. I'm 47, sometimes I wonder if I'm just hitting my stride now, despite being very sexually liberal my whole life. You will grow into yourself...what seems troubling now will give you a good chuckle in a few years. Life is a playground and sex is the adult version of the children's sandpit. If you like it you like it and that''s that. I like older men too, and have done my whole life. Problem is the older you get the older they get, and as i'm not into the decrepit and infirm I seem to be catching them up! So take heart. It all works out in the end.

 

[Awesomeffect]

Considering that everyone else has just about said everything to you about how it's normal to feel how you do and stuff like that, I won't really bore you with forcing you to reread that same stuff over again, but instead I will say this, that gross and disgusted feeling your having it will get better, and it isn't just something that you'll grow to live with/adapt to but more like something that your grow to accept. I mean so what if you like being used by older guys? my general thoughts are that as long as it isn't illegal, it isn't hurting someone else, or interfering with another person's daily life. Then who cares what makes you feel good it isn't something to be ashamed of or disgusted by to seek pleasure. Plus like I said the more time goes by the more you'll grow to accept it as a part of you. I mean I may only be 21 but I did notice that I was into this kind of stuff like super early (I think the first time I masturbated to BDSM type stuff was when I was 14ish) So if you've only just recently started doing this kind of stuff; then all you have to do is give it some time and get some more experience and next thing you know you might even feel happy about your fantasies (or some other positive emotion since happiness isn't quite right and my current migraine isn't allowing me to think up the actual words I want to say)

 

[Ares]

Perhaps a clarification, it's not so much that you believe it's wrong more that I suspect you think your family and friends would consider it wrong?

If I may put in my thoughts here, for what they are worth. I'm not so sure that it's as simple as thinking that friends and family may feel it's wrong. It's very much deeper than that for many.

It is a social conditioning thing. Our entire social base and education says that kinks are wrong, dirty, perverted and abnormal. We are simply brought up to believe this and there are many many subliminal messages in our world every day to reinforce these feelings. From our earliest days we are taught, both overtly and in many other ways what society tolerates. Much of this education comes in the form of things we hear and see around us and, as such, is received in a manner that we are just not even aware of, but it imprints on us nonetheless.

Now some people are easier at shrugging off this kind of social conditioning and acting as if it had never happened, but for others this is harder.

The reason you have these feelings is caused by the dichotomy in your brain as it tries to reconcile two opposing viewpoints and come to a place of agreement.

All I can say is that I hope it gets easier with time. It probably will.

Ares

 

[Domina Tia]

It is a social conditioning thing. Our entire social base and education says that kinks are wrong, dirty, perverted and abnormal. We are simply brought up to believe this and there are many many subliminal messages in our world every day to reinforce these feelings. From our earliest days we are taught, both overtly and in many other ways what society tolerates. Much of this education comes in the form of things we hear and see around us and, as such, is received in a manner that we are just not even aware of, but it imprints on us nonetheless.

I 100% absolutely agree. When I was stationed in Germany, kink rules. On the outside when looking at everyone you wouldn't think so but behind closed doors, it is entirely different. This is a culture that embraces their sexuality. Swingers clubs and fetish clubs (where they actually go dressed in fetish gear) is quite common in the bigger cities. Some of the smaller towns have people running swingers parties out of their homes. On TV, commercials have nudity, albeit after 9pm, but it is something that is considered normal. There are coed saunas and yeah kinky stuff can go down....I've done it myself with my partner at the time but nudity in general is not something to be ashamed of over there REGARDLESS of your current physique (aka no fat shaming). For me it was easier to be engrossed in the life without having to do much. I've never been to a munch or gathering, never went to a fetish party, I found my subs online and had rl long-term relationships.

Here, it is completely different which is why you are having this internal conflict. It is quite common actually, more common in the community than most people would like to admit. Doesn't matter the role you are, the feelings are still the same. My suggestion to you is to do your research and possibly find forums that talk about that specific kink and chat with others. The more you feel comfortable about yourself, the less hesitant you will feel about yourself.

Hope this helps