Please please Advice needed. Is he Bi or is it just a cock fetish? How can i help him and not hurt myself?

[Sayuri]

I'm in a very unusual friendship/ relationship with a guy (I have known him all my life but only reconnected and been in this dynamic the last 20+ months).
He has opened up to me (which he hasn't done with anyone else) about kinks and urges which first started with wearing thongs, then suspenders etc. Then anal play and pegging and now after alot of research, on my behalf, the belief he has a cock fetish. I have been fine with his kinks and urges and have been supporting him through his self discovery and ups and downs.

Even tho we have not been officially in a relationship, due to both of us having past relationship issues (I keep distancing when I get too invested as he seems so confussed about himself) his main issue is acceptance of his "demonds and urges"

Recently he has been wondering if he's Bi. He prefers women (has only had relationships and sex with women) and finds me sexy, attractive, gets aroused etc. But he's also worrying alot about his urges for "cock" and a man fucking him.

This now has lead to some complex conversations and I stupidly really like him and am struggling to get my head around everything and potentially let him go.
He doesn't see himself with a man and doesn't think he will ever go there. He seems stuck; with understanding himself and what he wants. He won't speak to anyone about this (except me).
PLEASE HELP ME.
I cant ask for advice from anyone I know and the Internet has so many conflicting stances.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

Setting aside the "cock fetish" vs bi question, what really comes across is that you are invested here. And it would seem you're not in any way polyamorous, so the real question is, is he?
Ultimately what it looks like worries you is that his unresolved urges may turn out to be enough to see him get together with a guy. Or have I got the wrong idea here?

Is the idea of a "one off" 3 some with another guy involved something you'd consider? I'm guessing not which is where the dilemma begins. You obviously care enough about him and his quandary to try to work through it but it does put you in a very tough situation.

You also have to keep in mind the very common situation of fantasy vs reality that pretty much everyone has at some level, what you fantasize about vs what you'd actually do are often very different things. Keep talking to him, it may be that this is something he just really likes the idea of and likes talking about, that seems at least possible given what you've described.

 

[Sayuri]

Yes you are right. I am invested. I've know him as a family friend for a long time and then when we started messaging and opening up to eachother it has been very special. I feel very honored that he trusts me so much with all this.
He isn't polygamous, I asked him if he fancied men or if he would want to have a romantic relationship with a guy not just sexual, he says he just wants a guy with a big cock to fuck him. He isn't gay as he's really into women.
Yes I do worry that his unresolved urges will lead to him being or preferring to be with a guy even tho he says he doesn't think he will ever go there. I think alot of this fantasy comes from him watching alot of porn including gay porn, ladyboys etc. We have quickly progressed through Dom/Sub play, pegging, sissification, cockholding, (just fantasy discussion), cock fetish (fantasy dicussion) now he's wondering if he's Bi.

as mentioned we have discussed (fantasised) cockholding and he would love for another guy to fuck me whilst he watches or a guy to fuck him but as we are not in a serious or official relationship I have been reluctant especially as he loves the fantasy but won't go through with it.

I do care about him, I've been intermittently trying to distance myself because I knew I was falling for him and getting invested. And this is why I'm now in the situation that I feel we need to stop as I want him but I don't think he knows what he wants or if he will wany me.
3 weeks ago we were discussing my feelings for him, he wanted me to give him time, he said "people are often in different places at the start but often line up in the end. Now I feel things may be changing as he's questioning if he's Bisexual.

 

[Oddball Matt]

If it's more about getting one up in the chimney, would anal play be something you guys would consider? Like you doing him with a dildo? While I don't actively fantasize about it I've at times wondered how it'd feel to get a sausage stuffing even though I do consider myself to be 100% straight as a ruler, and even though if I so asked my wife would most likely gladly do it, it is not something I am planning to ask of her anytime soon LOL.

 

[Sayuri]

If it's more about getting one up in the chimney, would anal play be something you guys would consider? Like you doing him with a dildo? While I don't actively fantasize about it I've at times wondered how it'd feel to get stuffed with a sausage even though I do consider myself to be 100% straight as a ruler.

He uses butt plugs but that was it before I came along. We have done anal play, I have pegged him (which we explored together and he did sissygasm) he has fantasised about me fisting him but we haven't done that.
He has also used the dildo himself without me. He was watching pegging porn, then watched transsexual porn and then he explored Gay porn. When he first watched the latter he got very upset and confused that he was aroused. This is when I looked into it and suggested he might have a cock fetish. Since then he's been watching a variety of porn (including Gay). He says he's Not Gay as he likes and is attracted to women. But recently he thinks he might be Bisexual because he wants cock. He's been struggling with this urge for awhile and says he's the one with a problem because of his fucked up fantasies.
I really don't know what to do. I feel that to protect my self and my feelings I need to retreat but I do care about him and he will not talk to anyone about any of this. I'm the only one

 

[subzzzero]

He is going to feel how he feels. You need to determine if that’s a deal breaker. You both should discuss relationship expectations and boundaries if you continue. As others suggested. Are you open to poly in some form. Are you ok being the dominant role for pegging fisting etc. don’t go in with something you’re not comfortable with. It will only be more difficult to come clean later. Your needs and feelings are equally important. If either of you feels it won’t work then it’s best to both find better fits so both sides are happy. You said you were friends before this. Keep that friendship if it means not pursuing more. You should both be mature enough to talk this out and make a call. Hope it all works out.

 

[Sayuri]

Thank you for your replies.

I am trying to understand and support how he feels. I have told him I'm not angry or blame him as I know he can't help his urges and feelings.

I dont think he is interested in a poly relationship he loves the fantasy, (of a guy) but won't pursue it, I'm not sure if this is because he's disgusted by his urges, ashamed or confused. He refers to his urges as demons, his fantasies as fucked up and sees himself as wrong and fucked up. This is why I have stayed close to him to try and help him. No one should feel so bad about who they are or what they like.

I am VERY happy to peg him, play with him (i absolutely loved it) andI am more of a Dominant but occasionally am submissive when he wants to Dom me. I have been very supportive of the sisification, (i took him shopping) sharing thongs. Very open to discuss anything. This may have lead us to this position as I have been very open minded and so he's explored stuff he hasn't done previously (such as gay porn).

Yes we have been family friends for a long time, drifted apart for a few years, over the last 20 months dynamics changed to flirting, fuck buddies and this complex situation.
My struggle is that I want him, I've really fallen for him, kinks and all, he's an amazing person.... and I don't know how to digress back to a friendship when I have all these feelings for him.