Just a question to all Doms I am a collard slave and im just wondering is it strange if you are not allowed a safe word even if your relationship is on line im just asking for my self
Safe word
- Thread starter Slavegirl611
- Start date
Thank you so very much he knew when we started I wanted a safe word he has made a contract but im not signing it I’ve archived it and not telling him even our relationship is on line I still want and desire a safe word I have told him I was not ready for a contract and I refuse to sign it and he knows this I told him he could leave me
This is a huge red flag. A Dom who thinks a safe word is not needed or can be denied/refused is no Dom at all. I’d recommend looking elsewhere and finding a better fit. It seems like the “contract” is a rush job to help guilt
you into following whatever he wants.
Him showing you he doesn’t care about your safe word means he could also neglect other things like hard limits and such.
Trust your gut here. You clearly know it’s wrong and that’s a good call on your part. He is not the only Dom in the world especially if you’re looking for online. There will be much better matches out there.
you into following whatever he wants.
Him showing you he doesn’t care about your safe word means he could also neglect other things like hard limits and such.
Trust your gut here. You clearly know it’s wrong and that’s a good call on your part. He is not the only Dom in the world especially if you’re looking for online. There will be much better matches out there.
Safe word is essential in any kinky play. Even it is online.
Things are different for online. Dom can’t be there physically to monitor you. Anything he sees and hears are from you. So if you are in a situation you need to communicate to him how things has went wrong, not necessarily play wise, just things happens on your end, safe word is most important and efficient way to communicate this to the dom.
I always tell any girls I play with that in the case of they need to use safe word, they will stop what they do first, make sure they are safe, then message me the safe word so I know something is going on.
This person sounds like he knows nothing about kinky and just looking for an excuse to abuse girls who don’t know much about kink. My suggestion would be run and fun someone who knows that they are doing.
Things are different for online. Dom can’t be there physically to monitor you. Anything he sees and hears are from you. So if you are in a situation you need to communicate to him how things has went wrong, not necessarily play wise, just things happens on your end, safe word is most important and efficient way to communicate this to the dom.
I always tell any girls I play with that in the case of they need to use safe word, they will stop what they do first, make sure they are safe, then message me the safe word so I know something is going on.
This person sounds like he knows nothing about kinky and just looking for an excuse to abuse girls who don’t know much about kink. My suggestion would be run and fun someone who knows that they are doing.
Thank you and it’s in the contract he wrote up witch I did not sign there will be no safe word used and before we started this I said Jesus was my safe word
This shows a blatant disregard for your feelings and safety. Nope run away as quickly as you can. The fact you asked for one and he ignored that shows he cares nothing for you at all. You deserve better then that. Subzzzero once told me. The sub is the one who truly has the power on a sub Dom relationship because it is only with the subs permission that the Dom can play with the sub. Do not undervalue yourself. The right Dom with come along and fill both of your needs not just his own selfish needs.
This right here shows he’s not worth continuing with. You made your needs known. He’s not just overlooked it by not including it in the contract. He’s actually included wording to deny you a safe word. That is a huge red flag. There is no excuse or explanation on his end to excuse that behavior. He knew what he was doing the whole time.
curious,
i am not a practicing dom, lets get that out of the way, i am not in any kind of a bdsm relationship ok, but have been curious about this life style for decades,
i am presently writing a piece of fiction, she the sub, has no safe word, she never will, she can say no anytime she wants, but when she does their relationship is over, done.
i know this is controversial but keep in mind this is a piece of fiction
what i am writing is turning pretty much everything about this lifestyle on its head.
i never really liked the standard novels about this lifestyle,
any who.
isn't bdsm relationships like all relationships based on trust and understanding and love respect i suppose,
it is the masters responsibility to know his sub and never give them more then they want or can take, if he goes beyond her limits he has failed. he has failed miserably.
the sub, should she not loose herself, i mean loose her identity, to a point she is simply an extension of her master, there is no i no me only master.
any how,
that is the dance that has to be played out between them and i know relationships are hard and far from perfect.
very few of us even come close to that perfect relationship no matter how we define.
and my final thoughts on a real life relationship,
go slow build the trust the relationship, watch out for red flags.
and yes no safe word, could be a very big red flag,
he shouldn't push you into things, your not ready uncomfortable with,
that is the dance,
his wishes or mine.
i am not a practicing dom, lets get that out of the way, i am not in any kind of a bdsm relationship ok, but have been curious about this life style for decades,
i am presently writing a piece of fiction, she the sub, has no safe word, she never will, she can say no anytime she wants, but when she does their relationship is over, done.
i know this is controversial but keep in mind this is a piece of fiction
what i am writing is turning pretty much everything about this lifestyle on its head.
i never really liked the standard novels about this lifestyle,
any who.
isn't bdsm relationships like all relationships based on trust and understanding and love respect i suppose,
it is the masters responsibility to know his sub and never give them more then they want or can take, if he goes beyond her limits he has failed. he has failed miserably.
the sub, should she not loose herself, i mean loose her identity, to a point she is simply an extension of her master, there is no i no me only master.
any how,
that is the dance that has to be played out between them and i know relationships are hard and far from perfect.
very few of us even come close to that perfect relationship no matter how we define.
and my final thoughts on a real life relationship,
go slow build the trust the relationship, watch out for red flags.
and yes no safe word, could be a very big red flag,
he shouldn't push you into things, your not ready uncomfortable with,
that is the dance,
his wishes or mine.
Wow this piece your writing doesn’t really sound to fictitious im actually living that he made a contract im not signing im no where near ready im collard but im no where near ready for a contract I told him I wasn’t ready that’s my dance I just need some one who loves me for me
So let me play devil's advocate here as a sub who has been molested before. There are times when I am perfectly comfortable with something. And then the same act may completely make me panic and freek out the next moment. No sub should have to endure something like that and not have a say in it stopping without losing the relationship. There always needs to be a way out because trust me if I am ever in a situation I don't feel safe I fight the sub in me shuts down and I am done. Yes I agree there needs to be total trust. But there are situations where the Dom may not know they are triggering a past issue and the sub needs the right to do stop. If they can not that is just furthering the past abuse.
I do agree that in a perfect world that there's no need for safeword, dom will be able to spot any thing wrong from sub and call off the play right before things get worse for her. It might involve some mind reading to achieve that.
But we are in the real world, and none of us have super powers. So it is impossible to be able to identify every single time something went wrong, especially when it is more psychological problems involved.
I have had subs who wish to play but turns out they are not up to it due to stress from life, I have had subs who want to try things but didn't know what to say when she want to back out last minute because she doesn't want to disappoint me. Those are all the perfect case of the need of a safe word. Even though those are the rare case for me when safewords are needed, the fact that having safe word but no need to use it is totally different have it at all.
By having it, you know there's a safe guard. Just like driving a car, how often do you wish you use the airbags? To me it's never. But do I want to have airbag in my car when I drive? 100%. By setting up the safeguard properly, you would be able to know what to do when situation arise that needs it. Granted safeword is just a small part of it, but it also is very efficient way telling partner something is off.
But we are in the real world, and none of us have super powers. So it is impossible to be able to identify every single time something went wrong, especially when it is more psychological problems involved.
I have had subs who wish to play but turns out they are not up to it due to stress from life, I have had subs who want to try things but didn't know what to say when she want to back out last minute because she doesn't want to disappoint me. Those are all the perfect case of the need of a safe word. Even though those are the rare case for me when safewords are needed, the fact that having safe word but no need to use it is totally different have it at all.
By having it, you know there's a safe guard. Just like driving a car, how often do you wish you use the airbags? To me it's never. But do I want to have airbag in my car when I drive? 100%. By setting up the safeguard properly, you would be able to know what to do when situation arise that needs it. Granted safeword is just a small part of it, but it also is very efficient way telling partner something is off.
I have prior writings mentioning my reading and watching for the small tells of a sub slave as we task or session. Breathing, noises, tensing etc it all shows when you learn and when you pay attention. Does someone “need” an actual safeword for any and every little thing? Maybe not. But I am into some very extreme kinks. Those kinks cannot be approached without a safeword. Blood, bleeding, bruising, crying, begging pleading none of this means stop in the more extreme scenes. So a lot of those tells go out the window. Safeword is necessary to keep her safe.
Also as mentioned above by others. Certain days and headspace. Certain health conditions even close to period can greatly affect the ability of a sub to take as much as a prior time. So what was ok last week could be too much today. Again safeword. Traffic light system allows a good approach to not full on stop and help you both learn the yellow “I’m close to hitting my limits” areas.
What your writing of is fantasy as you say. Basically it’s the 50 shades approach. Little if any factual use towards bdsm or kink. 50 shades was one lady’s take on things in her fantasy writing world. It benefited the kink community by adding interest, increasing numbers, and making it more publicly acceptable. What it did negative for the kink world was made lots of people on both sides of the slash think it was how kink works. Dude in the story was basically an abusive manipulator preying on a new curious potential sub. Lot of people land here thinking porn they see is bdsm fact. Those well planned hours long set up perfect kinky pics. Thinking that’s the reality. Again there’s other posts here about this fantasy vs reality approach. Def worth a look.
Also as mentioned above by others. Certain days and headspace. Certain health conditions even close to period can greatly affect the ability of a sub to take as much as a prior time. So what was ok last week could be too much today. Again safeword. Traffic light system allows a good approach to not full on stop and help you both learn the yellow “I’m close to hitting my limits” areas.
What your writing of is fantasy as you say. Basically it’s the 50 shades approach. Little if any factual use towards bdsm or kink. 50 shades was one lady’s take on things in her fantasy writing world. It benefited the kink community by adding interest, increasing numbers, and making it more publicly acceptable. What it did negative for the kink world was made lots of people on both sides of the slash think it was how kink works. Dude in the story was basically an abusive manipulator preying on a new curious potential sub. Lot of people land here thinking porn they see is bdsm fact. Those well planned hours long set up perfect kinky pics. Thinking that’s the reality. Again there’s other posts here about this fantasy vs reality approach. Def worth a look.
to emphasis again, it is a total work of fiction i have no real life experience in this life style..
and i agree with the male or dom characters the comment, i believe their brutal violent even criminal i don't even know how they survive in literature except to say, there is a sense women seek out a bad boy, the excitement of being with a real bad ass man.
like i said i flipped the standard bdsm narritive the dom man is not bad ass at all not rich and powerful doesn't have the biggest cock every seen,
the women isn't meek mild shy, afraid of her own shadow, waiting for some bad ass to release her from her self made prison,
honestly i can't read that crap,
the women sub is a very hi powered individual extremely so, in total control and very successful maybe the one percent that everyone keeps talking about,
the man the dom is the opposite. total flip side,
but he is very intuitive a thinker shall we say
he reads her, he plays her, in another set of circumstance you would say grooms her,
like mentioned no safe words no discussion she can say no anytime but when she does their relationship is kaput
he proceeds slow to slowly for her in many ways, but this is totally new to him, and he is grooming her trying to read her,
if your around someone long enough they have clues, unspoken signs of what is going on internally
90 percent of communication is non verbal.
i am a male, but i write it from the subs the females voice,
im not sure why but i am fascinated with the act of submission the gift a sub gives her master, where she goes to accept the humiliations the discomfort and even pain.
the question of who is the master who is the slave, is the master the most powerful one or is the slave the most powerful one in their relationship, the true dominate.
it is something that has riddled me all my life
if any one can remember kung fu
grasshopper when it is time to take this pebble from my hand it is time for you to leave,
grasshopper asked the master, why do i need to serve,
memory fails the exact words
but the master flipped i around and said the one who serves is the greater one.
and the one who is pleasured is the lesser one.
any who, im not just tying to write the most bad scene ever,
im trying to understand the nature of this, what makes us tick,
and i agree with the male or dom characters the comment, i believe their brutal violent even criminal i don't even know how they survive in literature except to say, there is a sense women seek out a bad boy, the excitement of being with a real bad ass man.
like i said i flipped the standard bdsm narritive the dom man is not bad ass at all not rich and powerful doesn't have the biggest cock every seen,
the women isn't meek mild shy, afraid of her own shadow, waiting for some bad ass to release her from her self made prison,
honestly i can't read that crap,
the women sub is a very hi powered individual extremely so, in total control and very successful maybe the one percent that everyone keeps talking about,
the man the dom is the opposite. total flip side,
but he is very intuitive a thinker shall we say
he reads her, he plays her, in another set of circumstance you would say grooms her,
like mentioned no safe words no discussion she can say no anytime but when she does their relationship is kaput
he proceeds slow to slowly for her in many ways, but this is totally new to him, and he is grooming her trying to read her,
if your around someone long enough they have clues, unspoken signs of what is going on internally
90 percent of communication is non verbal.
i am a male, but i write it from the subs the females voice,
im not sure why but i am fascinated with the act of submission the gift a sub gives her master, where she goes to accept the humiliations the discomfort and even pain.
the question of who is the master who is the slave, is the master the most powerful one or is the slave the most powerful one in their relationship, the true dominate.
it is something that has riddled me all my life
if any one can remember kung fu
grasshopper when it is time to take this pebble from my hand it is time for you to leave,
grasshopper asked the master, why do i need to serve,
memory fails the exact words
but the master flipped i around and said the one who serves is the greater one.
and the one who is pleasured is the lesser one.
any who, im not just tying to write the most bad scene ever,
im trying to understand the nature of this, what makes us tick,
Not all subs are meek mild and scared of there own shadow. That's not what being a sub is all about. Yes some subs are meek and mild and scared. I personally want someone I can trust that even though they could truly hurt me will not do so. I want to fall so deep into character that I don't have to think just feel. And to do that I have to know that if for any reason I have the power to say stop without sacrificing a relationship that has taken a while to build. I never know when something will effect me and I go back to when I was molested. And I could never truly let myself go without the knowledge that I can stop it if needed. My relationship is purely online but I still have a safe word. And I also can tell my Dom no without free if total rejection. If a Dom cannot give that when the sub has clearly asked. Then I'm sorry he is not a good Dom. This isn't about your writing this is about a question from a sub who is seeking advice. So please do not take offense when we are answering her question. And we are answering from a sub and a Dom point of view. We are answering as best we can with the information she has provided. I have not been in this lifestyle very long but I can tell you if a Dom/domme told me I couldn't have a safe word then he/she would not be my Dom/domme period. It's my body my choice.
i totally understand people are in a different place, and each relationship is unique i get it i do.
again it is a work of fiction, i cannot emphasize that enough, it is totally fabricated.
i live a totally vanilla life, only dream of being a dom,
alas it has not worked out for me to be honest.
i envy people who can explore a more fetish a more kinky side to sex.
it is a trade off, im in a happy stable relationship, so i only explore things through my imagination.
Get out of that toxic one..you must have a safe word!
anyway just enjoying my work of fiction, I find the dialogue the more interesting part of it.
perhaps that is what im trying to get at.
she has no safe word, but the two of them are very communitive, in a very combative sort of way, combative and playful, she is a strong women, who knows her own mind, and looking to be collared, but not sure if he is the one. they are in the process of figuring it all out.
he is reading her, understanding her,
just curious you don't think a sensitive and good dom, would be able to tell if he is pushing the sub to far, physically as well as emotionally .
and a relationship that is allowed to come about slowly you don't think he would be able to tell when she is stressed out.
come on, i have worked around horses and have always owned a dog, you just watch any animal and you can pick up on clues, happy sad stressed tired struggling afraid,
you don't think two people would be able to figure that out
perhaps that is what im trying to get at.
she has no safe word, but the two of them are very communitive, in a very combative sort of way, combative and playful, she is a strong women, who knows her own mind, and looking to be collared, but not sure if he is the one. they are in the process of figuring it all out.
he is reading her, understanding her,
just curious you don't think a sensitive and good dom, would be able to tell if he is pushing the sub to far, physically as well as emotionally .
and a relationship that is allowed to come about slowly you don't think he would be able to tell when she is stressed out.
come on, i have worked around horses and have always owned a dog, you just watch any animal and you can pick up on clues, happy sad stressed tired struggling afraid,
you don't think two people would be able to figure that out
You seem to be taking this personally. We are responding to the original poster. She asked for a safe word and was denied. Sorry but that's wrong. We are not bashing your writing at all as a matter of fact most of the post have nothing to do with you just the facts of original poster. So please do not take offense about your writing when we are responding to a real life situation. From someone who asked for real life advice.
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