I'm new to this so please forgive me !! I have been chatting to an ex lover for sometime now and we have since discovered we both seem to have the same views on sex ! He wants me to fight him off and to generally put up all I have to stop him! It seems to turn him on more when I fight back all the time! However I'm starting to get confused! I have asked him if this will be just a one time event which he has told me no and he has said he will enjoy forcing me and enjoy making me do something I don't want to do ( although I think we both know deep down I do want to do it!) and then he said he has a long term plan for me but obviously he won't disclose this information to me! I am really into everything he is suggesting! Sometimes I wonder if he just wants this to be a one time thing? We met last month and had a brief encounter and it was amazing however he did stop himself as I think he felt I was hurting ? I'm really wanting to know if he does want to be my master? I would love it if he would be but I know we are both in relationships which we are both happy in but I think we need more (bad I know). If anyone has any advice for me I would really appreciate it!
Slave needing help/advice
- Thread starter Slavegirl86
- Start date
Okay. While there's nothing wrong with this kink, you DEFINITELY need to make sure that what he's doing is what you REALLY want. Talk to him and set some ground rules as to what you are comfortable being forced to do and what you are not comfortable being forced to do, and MAKE ABSOLUTELY SURE that he DOES NOT force you to do something that you really don't want him to do. Make sure that, while he is allowed to force you to do the things that you are ultimately comfortable being forced to do, that he DOES NOT TRY TO FORCE YOU TO DO SOMETHING THAT YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE BEING FORCED TO DO.
Sorry for the caps and boldface. It's just that rapeplay can EASILY turn into actual rape, and you DO NOT want that. It's fine and healthy to have rapeplay as a kink, but you need to be extra careful that it doesn't turn into an abusive relationship.
Remember, Rule Number One of any BDSM relationship is consent, and this rule still applies even when the BDSM activities involve overriding consent.
If it helps, think of yourself as having two levels of consent. Level One of consent are the things that you enjoy doing on your own, and the things that you don't normally want to do but that you enjoy being forced to do. Level Two consists of things that you are okay with being forced to do and things that you are not okay with being forced to do. Level One consent can be broken, but Level Two consent cannot.
Sorry for the caps and boldface. It's just that rapeplay can EASILY turn into actual rape, and you DO NOT want that. It's fine and healthy to have rapeplay as a kink, but you need to be extra careful that it doesn't turn into an abusive relationship.
Remember, Rule Number One of any BDSM relationship is consent, and this rule still applies even when the BDSM activities involve overriding consent.
If it helps, think of yourself as having two levels of consent. Level One of consent are the things that you enjoy doing on your own, and the things that you don't normally want to do but that you enjoy being forced to do. Level Two consists of things that you are okay with being forced to do and things that you are not okay with being forced to do. Level One consent can be broken, but Level Two consent cannot.
Totally agree with mineus64. Kinky fun is awesome but both parties need to know where the lie is. What someone might think is before the line the other person thoughts could be way past it.
If you like to be surprised that great but make sure you tell him what your hard limits are which must not be pushed or boken. If he knows these then there is know excuses and he should not do them.
The other thing that is a must in this situation is a Safe word. Especially when you like being forced then no, no longer means no. Set up a safe world like "pineapple" or "fire engine" that way if you say that then there is no confusion and e should stop what he is doing.
On that note you can use the traffic light system meaning if you say amber then that suggest to him to slow down and if out say red he should stop.
I hope things work out for you, just be safe and I'm sure you will both have great fun.
If you like to be surprised that great but make sure you tell him what your hard limits are which must not be pushed or boken. If he knows these then there is know excuses and he should not do them.
The other thing that is a must in this situation is a Safe word. Especially when you like being forced then no, no longer means no. Set up a safe world like "pineapple" or "fire engine" that way if you say that then there is no confusion and e should stop what he is doing.
On that note you can use the traffic light system meaning if you say amber then that suggest to him to slow down and if out say red he should stop.
I hope things work out for you, just be safe and I'm sure you will both have great fun.
I personally prefer "timeout" as a safeword. It's less likely to be used commonly during sex, it means what it says, it easily comes to mind, and it's easy to remember what it means. Plus, it's less embarrassing to say during sex.
Ok with this, safewords need to be in place, rule 1. Next he needs to WRITE out what will be happening during playtime, and you both sign. If playtime goes off script, call the safe word, and stop it all together. If this isn't done right, it could go terrible wrong. If you can't trust him, find another play partner, or better yet get you boyfriend to do it.
Thanks
Hey thanks for ur reply we have a safe word in place and he knows my limits! I have u ever experienced someone who wants you to fight back so much ? That's what he always says he wants and he says he does not want this to be like a one time thing and he has a long term approach to it ! I just want to know what the long term approach is as he wont tell me! He likes to play mind games well we both do actually xx
Hey thanks for ur reply we have a safe word in place and he knows my limits! I have u ever experienced someone who wants you to fight back so much ? That's what he always says he wants and he says he does not want this to be like a one time thing and he has a long term approach to it ! I just want to know what the long term approach is as he wont tell me! He likes to play mind games well we both do actually xx
If you didn't get my PM, kik me for a responds to your question or better yet PM me with your email. My inbox is screw up, I lost all my outgoing mail I send for some strange reason. And it doesn't acknowledge the PM I send to you.
I agree with a lot of what has been said, but do have some reservations about some of it.
I really don't see that his writing anything down makes an iota of difference, and as for safewords, as long as you have one and both totally understand what it means and both remember it, no problem.
The one absolute, vital and crucial thing is COMMUNICATION!
I cannot repeat this enough, COMMUNICATION!
This is where so many people fail.
You need to talk, a lot, about what you both want out of this relationship. Your hopes and desires. Your worries and fears. Your ultimate goals.
And don't talk but not listen. It's vital, in ANY relationship and especially in any kind of BDSM relationship that both people in the partnership are singing from the same songsheet.
Remember, this IS a partnership. You both have a say and neither one should overrule the other. You must come to a complete agreement on what you both want and how it will work.
Then, hopefully, it can be amazing.
Just remember, this is life though and even in the best circumstances things don't always go according to plan, so be tolerant of eachother.
All the best and I hope it's great
Ares
I really don't see that his writing anything down makes an iota of difference, and as for safewords, as long as you have one and both totally understand what it means and both remember it, no problem.
The one absolute, vital and crucial thing is COMMUNICATION!
I cannot repeat this enough, COMMUNICATION!
This is where so many people fail.
You need to talk, a lot, about what you both want out of this relationship. Your hopes and desires. Your worries and fears. Your ultimate goals.
And don't talk but not listen. It's vital, in ANY relationship and especially in any kind of BDSM relationship that both people in the partnership are singing from the same songsheet.
Remember, this IS a partnership. You both have a say and neither one should overrule the other. You must come to a complete agreement on what you both want and how it will work.
Then, hopefully, it can be amazing.
Just remember, this is life though and even in the best circumstances things don't always go according to plan, so be tolerant of eachother.
All the best and I hope it's great
Ares
