The person I want to date with is not into bdsm

[dewpy]

I know, I know, the title is weird but I'm still not used to this platform and I don't even know if I should post this here or under other discussion thingies but whatever, what I mean by the title is rn I'm talking with someone and he is the nicest person I have ever met, I love him with every way except for the sexual part, I see the sexual relationship being as important as the romantic one in a relationship but he has thought "I am okay if that is not existing" 'till this point so I can tell that I hasn't got his sexual awakening yet, and I will be his first partner too and that is stressing at some point. What I need is some advice? Maybe? Would it be bad if I date him? We talked about this with him and he told me he will learn more about this topic (sexuality and bdsm) to see if we can connect with this sexual thingy, but I still have doubts and I don't know what to do (we're still not dating btw but we're really reaaallyy close)

 

[subzzzero]

This sounds like he’s possibly asexual, demisexual, or sapiosexual. You would have to know which of any of these might apply. If he is demi the dating part may be the key. If he’s asexual it might not matter at all.

Regardless he should most definitely do some research into it all. You don’t list specific roles or kinks here but for example rope play, impact, anal, fire play, wax play. Are some kinks that can be dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing and so even if you know and he doesn’t one of you could get hurt. I’d say both start exploring it together in the research part. See if it’s something he is interested in. If not then forcing that to work isn’t the best idea. If he’s not in the right headspace to perform whichever role it’s not going to go well for either side. At best you’ll have an empty feeling physical time and wonder why it’s not fulfilling. At worst you could get injured.

Your other option is link up with your local kink community and see if hey have munches or meets where you can find like minded people and maybe an experienced mentor to help you.

As far as him lacking even the vanilla sexual experience. That’s going to add some stress if you’re more experienced. Just reassure him it’s no rush and work together. Talk about it and slowly explore at his pace. Make it clear that you don’t expect perfection and that the end goal is you both enjoy yourselves. He’s likely to finish quick the first few times lol.

Hope this helps.