Training your sub.

[freakxxx]

I am trying to come up punishments that will teach my sub the lesions she needs to learn.

So far I have managed to come up with a few from reading on the internet.
1.corner time - time gets longer each time your sent.
2.Spanking - hard enough to hurt.
3.Sent to a bed room for x time with nothing to do.
4.Ignore them, ignoring is the worst thing you can do to someone .
5.Lines - write x lines 'I will not do <thing> again'.

So any other ideas?
So far she has limits of
HARD: I don't control her family/friends, we are equal when talking about our money, raising kids(my daughe ter), and other important lifchoices such as IE: Buying a house..
HARD: only 2 blowjobs a day when on period.
SOFT: ANAL

We live the lifestyle 24/7 except when limits apply.

I read a thread here about progress reports, I have compiled my own and am starting them from today.

I am new to being master and she is new to being sub so any tips you can give me on being a good master is helpful.
I tend to be a loving but strong minded master.

 

[Master_Emanon]

Those are good since you are fairly new to the lifestyle I have been raised in it since 10 years of age so have been in the lifestyle for eleven years.

As beginners since you and she are both new to the lifestyle, I would say for one a very good level to start control is making her keep a ?control journal? which is like a regular journal except it only pertains to what she did such as food she ate, what training she had that day, her feelings on it, and things of that nature. This is a good thing to test her obedience, I current have each of my two slaves write one journal daily, no matter what. If they have faltered in this I shall punish them and these can range any wear from spanking, obedience training (sitting in a desired position for a prolonged period of time) that is good for a first offense for a second offense you can put rice grains on the floor and have her kneel on them for a prolonged period of time.

Training her is not only a pleasure for the Master, it is to build and solidify the bonds between the Master and the slave that will last for years to come, as long as you remain the one in control there is no wrong way to being a Master, you have ?soft? Masters, who train their slaves but who tend to be reluctant to disciplinary actions. Then you have the ?mid level? Masters who have no problem with disciplining their slave yet tend to be ill-equipped to make their slaves do harder and harder punishments as more and more mistakes as well.

Then you have ?true? Masters, who have no issues with punishing their slaves when they make mistakes, as well as have no issue with having their slaves do things the Master would like as long as it is with in their limits, and knows that a punishment is not for the downgrade of the slave but to better her by teaching her from her mistakes.

If you two are new to the lifestyle I would say for one you can get the list of fetishes, while I am sure you two know the basic of what you like the fetish list has over 400 fetishes you two can try to keep it ?new? and make sure you are not doing the same things over and over which will sooner or later grow dire and dull?

Good luck on it all and welcome to the lifestyle

 

[freakxxx]

thanks for your advice

 

[Master_Emanon]

thanks for your advice

No problem man, here is that fetish list, you and your slave can do it (or you can search net for printable versions of "bdsm checklist") and once done you can see what fetishes that you two have equal interest and then that would give you good ideas of what you two can do to keep it new and combine some for even more fun, within her limits of course.

http://www.thebrc.net/check_list/default.htm

 

[SubMissChievous]

I am trying to come up punishments that will teach my sub the lesions she needs to learn.

I know that this is posted in the Dominants’ Lounge and that your question was probably directed mostly to get other dominants’ opinions but I’m gonna throw my own little 2 cents in here anyway

Personally, I find it difficult to answer when people asks for specific ideas of punishments because how one approaches them can be quite different from another. It really depends on you, your sub and how both of you feel about discipline and punishments. Somethings can work perfectly for one and would be a total failure some others…

One thing that’s important to keep in mind is that all submissives don’t feel the same about punishments and they don’t react to them the same way either. I’d say most of us dislike them but then again you will find some others who are turned on by the idea of being punished and some will even provoke them. And to the opposite, some other subs are dead scared of being punished.

Many dominants will say “the punishment should fit the crime”. I agree with this but I would also add to this that the punishment should fit the intention behind the crime. A common mistake I’ve seen by some new (and some not so new) people to D/s is that some dominants seem to rush things when it comes to punishments. They don’t take the time to discussion the situation with the sub or take proper time to analyze it. They just want to show “who’s the boss”… That can lead to some misunderstandings and, more often than not, the sub learns nothing from that except that if they misbehave something really bad is gonna happen. Subs can disobey for different reasons: it can be by defiance, it can also be because they got nervous or scared of doing certain things, it can be because they had a shitty day and are in a bad mood or sad… That’s why it’s not a bad idea to communicate with the sub BEFORE any punishment take place as you will have a better insight as to what happened and why it happened before setting a proper punishment.

I think it’s also important to know what you want to achieve through punishments when you have to give them. What effect you want to have with them? Personally I don’t believe in applying harsh punishments at every faults. This, in my opinion, only creates negative feelings. Subs (at least female ones, I dunno a lot of male ones personally) seem to tend to be scared when under high negative pressure. So this can work in short-term but in the long run nothing will be learned from it. Again, this is different from one sub to another, but so far that’s the feedback I get from most subs I talk with. Applying “lighter” consequences where the sub can “make up” for their mistakes would then perhaps have a more positive effect long-term as it would allow her to improve without being under pressure.

I am new to being master and she is new to being sub so any tips you can give me on being a good master is helpful.

Well, I’m not a Master so I’m not sure how helpful I can be but I can suggest for you to read (if you haven’t already) this thread:

http://www.kinktalk.com/talk/showthread.php?t=161

Also Master Emanon’s suggestion of filling a checklist is good. I have filled a few before and even my Master had filled it as well once at the beginning of our relationship so we could compare our answers The only little problem I always had with those checklist was that they always seemed rather incomplete. A few months ago, with the help of 4 different checklists (including the one Emanon has linked in his post) and also another list of kinks found on another site I made my own checklist. It’s not perfect as I’m sure I could have come up with more points to add but still I think I did a decent job of it. It’s also made for male dominant/female submissive partners. If you, or anyone else, would be interested to have a look at it just let me know and I could post it here in a separate thread not to clog yours since it’s rather long

EDIT: My Master told me to post it so it is posted in the main BDSM forum

 

[freakxxx]

Thank you very much for your input, its gave me a better understanding of somethings I was finding to be a issue, tonight we just reviewed our mess of a agreement/rules/punishments and changed it around added more and removed some thing, overall its alot better and wont confuse my girl as much.
I found out alot of my issues with training her were our messy agreements so I set things out clear and went over everything with her (She helped), she agreed and now we are trying it.

What you said helped it all click in my head so thanks again.

 

[ownedbyfreak]

you did a good job master (freakxxx)

 

[Moneque]

Is it as much uhmm what's a good word, punishment, if the sub helps you pick out what the punishment will be? I think that the punishment should fit the crime but I would keep it to my liking if possible.

 

[masterlaw]

always tough to sort out espically, that it is a punishment but you got keep it within the limits your slave outlines. I have found the simplest one can the most fun, sensory stuff, shutting out the world is a very powerfully. Dependng on what the crime is, you can work a punishment around such a thing. A classic is the slave being tied up and blindfolded,gagged and music play through headphones. Or combination of them slip her fav toy into her and leave her alone for a set amount of time, this is beyond fustration (espically a low set vibe).

this can be used in lots of cicumstance is a very effective punishment and can be lots of fun when you realise a very horny/slave.

Degrading jobs are good,and the odd public things can be fun espically if you have a remote vibe in your collection of toys. (see one of my posts on getdare.com called cinema trip)

yet your imagination go, if you post some more details of your slaves likes/dislikes etc.. i can come up with some more.

 

[icthius]

No problem man, here is that fetish list, you and your slave can do it (or you can search net for printable versions of "bdsm checklist") and once done you can see what fetishes that you two have equal interest and then that would give you good ideas of what you two can do to keep it new and combine some for even more fun, within her limits of course.

http://www.thebrc.net/check_list/default.htm

I can't get this checklist to work. It's a shame, though, because I'd really like my sub to fill it out so I can read it.

 

[Arcus9mm]

I can't get this checklist to work. It's a shame, though, because I'd really like my sub to fill it out so I can read it.

I just posted a link to a spreadsheet form of Chloe's checklist on this thread the other day. http://www.kinktalk.com/talk/showthread.php?t=542 Perhaps it will work for you.

 

[mastersgirl616]

hold a ping pong ball to the wall on her knees using only her nose each time she drops it add 5 mins it is very hard to do as you cant stop concentrating x