freakxxx said:
I am trying to come up punishments that will teach my sub the lesions she needs to learn.
I know that this is posted in the Dominants’ Lounge and that your question was probably directed mostly to get other dominants’ opinions but I’m gonna throw my own little 2 cents in here anyway
Personally, I find it difficult to answer when people asks for specific ideas of punishments because how one approaches them can be quite different from another. It really depends on you, your sub and how both of you feel about discipline and punishments. Somethings can work perfectly for one and would be a total failure some others…
One thing that’s important to keep in mind is that all submissives don’t feel the same about punishments and they don’t react to them the same way either. I’d say most of us dislike them but then again you will find some others who are turned on by the idea of being punished and some will even provoke them. And to the opposite, some other subs are dead scared of being punished.
Many dominants will say “the punishment should fit the crime”. I agree with this but I would also add to this that the punishment should fit the intention behind the crime. A common mistake I’ve seen by some new (and some not so new) people to D/s is that some dominants seem to rush things when it comes to punishments. They don’t take the time to discussion the situation with the sub or take proper time to analyze it. They just want to show “who’s the boss”… That can lead to some misunderstandings and, more often than not, the sub learns nothing from that except that if they misbehave something really bad is gonna happen. Subs can disobey for different reasons: it can be by defiance, it can also be because they got nervous or scared of doing certain things, it can be because they had a shitty day and are in a bad mood or sad… That’s why it’s not a bad idea to communicate with the sub BEFORE any punishment take place as you will have a better insight as to what happened and why it happened before setting a proper punishment.
I think it’s also important to know what you want to achieve through punishments when you have to give them. What effect you want to have with them? Personally I don’t believe in applying harsh punishments at every faults. This, in my opinion, only creates negative feelings. Subs (at least female ones, I dunno a lot of male ones personally) seem to tend to be scared when under high negative pressure. So this can work in short-term but in the long run nothing will be learned from it. Again, this is different from one sub to another, but so far that’s the feedback I get from most subs I talk with. Applying “lighter” consequences where the sub can “make up” for their mistakes would then perhaps have a more positive effect long-term as it would allow her to improve without being under pressure.
freakxxx said:
I am new to being master and she is new to being sub so any tips you can give me on being a good master is helpful.
Well, I’m not a Master so I’m not sure how helpful I can be but I can suggest for you to read (if you haven’t already) this thread:
http://www.kinktalk.com/talk/showthread.php?t=161
Also Master Emanon’s suggestion of filling a checklist is good. I have filled a few before and even my Master had filled it as well once at the beginning of our relationship so we could compare our answers
The only little problem I always had with those checklist was that they always seemed rather incomplete. A few months ago, with the help of 4 different checklists (including the one Emanon has linked in his post) and also another list of kinks found on another site I made my own checklist. It’s not perfect as I’m sure I could have come up with more points to add but still I think I did a decent job of it. It’s also made for male dominant/female submissive partners. If you, or anyone else, would be interested to have a look at it just let me know and I could post it here in a separate thread not to clog yours since it’s rather long
EDIT: My Master told me to post it so it is posted in the main BDSM forum