W.t.f.

[AroAceOutOfPlace]

So I was on fetlife chatting with a guy. He kept trying the basic domination strategies of dialogue, but I kept dancing around them because I only submit if I feel like it and to those I trust. Neither of these applied to him, so good fucking luck.

He pushed a bit harder and I managed to make him submit.

What the actual fuck?

This guy is a Dom, allegedly. He has never submitted to anyone according to him.

Now he's acting as though I've been his mistress for the past decade and own every inch of his life.

I'm about to rage quit. I did not sign up for this and he's acting codependent now so I can't just abandon him and I don't fucking know how to handle this situation.

I was never trained for this.

I opened with being new to the scene and he still tried to dominate me.

Now I'm stuck with a clingy sub who freaks out if I take thirty minutes to reply.

Fuck my life.

 

[NorthlandDom]

People are dumb, and you'll run into that with a sadly high frequency in the BDSM world. Stupid exists here, sadly, as much or more as in general life.

You'll have to tell him to fuck off, in more or less elegant terms. If you're not into it, you're not into it, and you don't have to do it.

 

[AroAceOutOfPlace]

People are dumb, and you'll run into that with a sadly high frequency in the BDSM world. Stupid exists here, sadly, as much or more as in general life.

You'll have to tell him to fuck off, in more or less elegant terms. If you're not into it, you're not into it, and you don't have to do it.

Will he be okay though? I don't want to leave him vulnerable

 

[fairtitania]

I think we all survive all sorts of things. It does feel really intense, but he'll be able to put it all in perspective and probably move on. Shame it had to happen. But I would say just be really honest, tell him this wasn't what you wanted, and that he would be happier with someone else who wants to be his Dom.

But you aren't responsible for him. You are on your own journey and if there is one thing I'm learning - and I'm quite new to all of it - you need to be very honest. Otherwise, there is no point.

 

[AroAceOutOfPlace]

I think we all survive all sorts of things. It does feel really intense, but he'll be able to put it all in perspective and probably move on. Shame it had to happen. But I would say just be really honest, tell him this wasn't what you wanted, and that he would be happier with someone else who wants to be his Dom.

But you aren't responsible for him. You are on your own journey and if there is one thing I'm learning - and I'm quite new to all of it - you need to be very honest. Otherwise, there is no point.

Thanks, Hun. I told him that it wasn't the right set up for me, so I wouldn't be able to help him. He became belligerent and rude, demanding that I stay. So I blocked him.

I feel as though I used him in some way, but that's not the case. I consciously know that. If I had kept the pretense, then it might have been a different story, but this way maybe we can both find what we're looking for

 

[NorthlandDom]

*hugs* nothing to feel bad about. Not what you were looking for, and he sounds like an ass. Sometimes people don't listen.

 

[fairtitania]

I hate the 'you won't do what I want so I'm going to be an asshole.' Good thing you blocked him and get on with what you want - definitely not a good situation. Be careful and try to get to know the person first. The attention female subs get is pretty scary and overwhelming.

 

[NorthlandDom]

I think we can just go with the amount of attention females receive in general, especially in these kinds of sites, is annoying as hell and attracts a higher-than-typical ratio of douchebags to nice people.

 

[AroAceOutOfPlace]

I am being careful. I know better than to give out personal contact info, only using the sites, and no request pictures. I never give out a last name and, as of yet, have not met anyone in a public area of my choice because people are often disrespectful so I see no reason to meet up.

 

[NorthlandDom]

YAY! Good to see safety minded people around!