Not a day goes by that I do not get a pm message asking me to be someone's mistress or if I know one. First of all I am an owned slave and I will not and cannot be a mistress but here are my thoughts about what to look for and using wisdom for your own safety and qualities in looking for the Dom in your life.
DO NOT SEND FACE PICTURES Many doms will ask for a face or nude pic this opens yourself up if you send a face pic they can come back and humiliate your or blackmail you. I would also say that you should wait to send a body pic until you know the dom. They will understand if they are a decent one.
TEST THE WATERSYou need to find someone who will be strict but loving at the same time a Master/Slave relationship needs to be built on trust and respect
AGE AND TIME ZONEIn some cases age might matter and time zone can be a factor but not always so ask.
HONESTY AND TRANSPARENCY The Dom answers any question you pose, shares things you should know unprompted, and hides nothing about his life. He's willing to discuss previous relationships in detail, and doesn't blame breakups mostly on the ex-partners.
COMPATIBLE LIFE PATTERNS AND GOALS Some slaves and subs, and doms, are more adaptable than others. But in general, chemistry is not enough; you need basic alignment in schedules, habits, needs for solitude & attention/affection & kink/sex, and social patterns (e.g. a social butterfly may not be well-matched to a homebody). Career and family needs and dreams also need to line up, or be adjustable!
VISION AND CLARITY The Dom has a picture or plan for the future of the relationship. He sees possible paths from the present to that place, and makes the current path clear to his sub. The journey may well alter his vision of the destination, or the route to it. The relationship is based on a Master/Slave relationship not an intimate one.
EMOTIONAL SOPHISTICATION The Dom is aware of his own feelings and issues, and able to discover and understand yours. He can ask for help when he needs it and lend help when you ask. He's not easily angered or hurt, but will promptly and calmly tell you when he is. He'll call you on your stuff, and allows you to call him on his.
DEDICATION TO SELF DEVELOPMENT He's constantly working on himself — especially emotional and social skills. He's at peace with who he is, but isn't complacent. He learns from his mistakes. (This trait can fill a lot of gaps if he learns quickly, but it's not a substitute for missing abilities.)
CURIOSITY AND FASCINATION The Dom is profoundly interested in you, and your dynamics together, and the aspects of himself that you enable him to explore.
INTUITION AND EMPATHY The Dom is good at reading you, and eventually predicting your likely responses in key moments. He communicates his insights about you. He has a sense of how you feel, which impacts his own mind-state.
HUMILITY AND CONFIDENCEThe Dom knows his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. He knows his strengths. He takes risks wisely. He doesn't mistake authority for knowledge and understanding. He owns it when he's at fault or has failed.
SETTING LIMITS One point of D/s is redefining both partners' boundaries, emotionally and physically. A dom guides this process, both by setting beneficial restrictions on his partner, and working to dismantle barriers she may have towards him.
PATIENCE AND FLEXIBILITY The Dom is willing to invest the time and care necessary for a deep relationship. He knows you're not superhuman. He can take "no" for an answer when necessary. He can devise or embrace alternate routes to his objectives.
APPRECIATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT The Dom conveys to you how good he feels with you. He celebrates your talents and accomplishments. He doesn't criticize you unfairly or needlessly. He urges you to pursue your interests, to hone your strengths, to address your weaknesses. (Appreciation can be overdone. A sub should draw greater meaning from acts fulfilling her partner's needs than from praise for performing them.)
If you find a Dom with all of the above qualities, and he's into you, be willing to bend over backwards and forwards for him daily. He's a rare find!
D/s experience. If a guy hasn't "owned" a sub before, it doesn't mean he's not qualified. Talent and dedication to honing it are more crucial than experience.
DO NOT SEND FACE PICTURES Many doms will ask for a face or nude pic this opens yourself up if you send a face pic they can come back and humiliate your or blackmail you. I would also say that you should wait to send a body pic until you know the dom. They will understand if they are a decent one.
TEST THE WATERSYou need to find someone who will be strict but loving at the same time a Master/Slave relationship needs to be built on trust and respect
AGE AND TIME ZONEIn some cases age might matter and time zone can be a factor but not always so ask.
HONESTY AND TRANSPARENCY The Dom answers any question you pose, shares things you should know unprompted, and hides nothing about his life. He's willing to discuss previous relationships in detail, and doesn't blame breakups mostly on the ex-partners.
COMPATIBLE LIFE PATTERNS AND GOALS Some slaves and subs, and doms, are more adaptable than others. But in general, chemistry is not enough; you need basic alignment in schedules, habits, needs for solitude & attention/affection & kink/sex, and social patterns (e.g. a social butterfly may not be well-matched to a homebody). Career and family needs and dreams also need to line up, or be adjustable!
VISION AND CLARITY The Dom has a picture or plan for the future of the relationship. He sees possible paths from the present to that place, and makes the current path clear to his sub. The journey may well alter his vision of the destination, or the route to it. The relationship is based on a Master/Slave relationship not an intimate one.
EMOTIONAL SOPHISTICATION The Dom is aware of his own feelings and issues, and able to discover and understand yours. He can ask for help when he needs it and lend help when you ask. He's not easily angered or hurt, but will promptly and calmly tell you when he is. He'll call you on your stuff, and allows you to call him on his.
DEDICATION TO SELF DEVELOPMENT He's constantly working on himself — especially emotional and social skills. He's at peace with who he is, but isn't complacent. He learns from his mistakes. (This trait can fill a lot of gaps if he learns quickly, but it's not a substitute for missing abilities.)
CURIOSITY AND FASCINATION The Dom is profoundly interested in you, and your dynamics together, and the aspects of himself that you enable him to explore.
INTUITION AND EMPATHY The Dom is good at reading you, and eventually predicting your likely responses in key moments. He communicates his insights about you. He has a sense of how you feel, which impacts his own mind-state.
HUMILITY AND CONFIDENCEThe Dom knows his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. He knows his strengths. He takes risks wisely. He doesn't mistake authority for knowledge and understanding. He owns it when he's at fault or has failed.
SETTING LIMITS One point of D/s is redefining both partners' boundaries, emotionally and physically. A dom guides this process, both by setting beneficial restrictions on his partner, and working to dismantle barriers she may have towards him.
PATIENCE AND FLEXIBILITY The Dom is willing to invest the time and care necessary for a deep relationship. He knows you're not superhuman. He can take "no" for an answer when necessary. He can devise or embrace alternate routes to his objectives.
APPRECIATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT The Dom conveys to you how good he feels with you. He celebrates your talents and accomplishments. He doesn't criticize you unfairly or needlessly. He urges you to pursue your interests, to hone your strengths, to address your weaknesses. (Appreciation can be overdone. A sub should draw greater meaning from acts fulfilling her partner's needs than from praise for performing them.)
If you find a Dom with all of the above qualities, and he's into you, be willing to bend over backwards and forwards for him daily. He's a rare find!
D/s experience. If a guy hasn't "owned" a sub before, it doesn't mean he's not qualified. Talent and dedication to honing it are more crucial than experience.