You can take rubber gloves and stick one finger on each of them duck tape. Then pour some milk into each. Put them on your breast and if they don't hold, Sticky will help them ducktape. Then make a hole through the glued finger. The glove doesn't crack and will go like a udder
Hi, put an inflatable plug in your ass and a rope bucketed to it. Pour 3 liters of water into the bucket and inflate until you can lift the bucket without your butt plug falling out.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, I'm sure you'll find someone. The probability that it will work the first time, the second time, the third time ...... is like winning the lottery. Don't give up, but it's good that you're careful