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Thank you again for your thoughtful message, It’s really had me thinking. Yes, I’m still wading through the crap pool looking for truths. Nothing has “set me free” yet but I feel I’ve come to a better understanding now of who the love of my life really was. A lot of help with that came...

Thank you so much for this. It's been quite hard to reconcile the man I loved and spent my life with and the man I'm learning about as I encounter more and more of his secret 'other' life. While finding dom toys and equipment hidden away while clearing out his things I have experienced that...

I have now been able to access my deceased husband's computer and discovered that he was deep into the BDSM world for 10+ years (as a participant and a mentor) In some of the (many) conversations he had online there were often questions about his married status and he always lied; saying he was...

I'm wondering if its a good idea to reach out to some of his subs/contacts to let them know of his death. I'm thinking I might get some insight from them about his secret persona and how he presented himself as a married man to them. Probably a mistake tho since I should put this all away and...

Thank you so much for this. Your advice is helping me put things in perspective. I'm starting to see that maybe the secret aspect was part of his kink. It's a hard road ahead for me coming to terms with his secret life and not feeling like an idiot. But I know he loved me and I him. Hopefully...

Thank your for this. Yes, it was deeply hidden but that doesn't mean that our sex life was dull. Also, as it turns out his subs (2-3) all knew he was married,; I read their messages re : "your wife." Found his OKC profile, listed himself as "Non-Monogamous, Married"

Thank you for this. I'll have to try. i would like to think he kept it secret to protect me (deleted his Hangout history on his deathbed in front of me) but troubled by some of the lengths he went to (hooked up during quarantine, knowing I'm immunocompromised.) Will have to toss his phone soon...

I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that as my husband died, I learned he had a secret life as a Dom. We had a very loving marriage and I was by his side to the end. Going through his phone, I found that he was involved in online and IRL connections over many years. Our sex life was...